Finally, A Very Loving GF, But Unable To Touch.

[Conjurus]

I was molested as a kid. My girlfriend and I just got intimate (sex) for the first time recently and I had flashbacks. It has been debilitating to me to the point where I have no desire to have sex or be with her in that way. This sucks very badly because I feel that I love this girl and want a normal relationship but am paralyzed. :( I feel like I could never be touched again and not care about it. What can I do? This is hard for both her and I.

 

[somerandomguy]

Conjurus, it certainly is a hard situation. It sucks, no question about it. I don't know if it helps to know this, but you're definitely not alone.

Does she know about your PTSD? Is she willing to work with you? Just talking about it with your partner can sometimes be very beneficial - especially if they can reassure you that no, they aren't going to leave you and yes, they will support you.

Are you in a place where you can talk to someone about your PTSD? Getting help is one of the most positive things you can do for yourself. If nothing else, I have found that participating in this community can be an extremely positive step.

I wish you well.

 

[onebravegirl]

The thing about PTSD is that feelings seem like facts. But, they are not. The feelings of PTSD are related to old injuries. The feelings are not reality.
Your job as a person who wants to recover is to teach your brain that sex is normal and healthy. It is a part of being loved. This is something that happens gradually and Therpy is of the most help. Being open and honest with you GF is very important as well. Women are very sensitive to rejection of any kind, and if you fail to communicate with her that this is not about her, then she will feel deeply hurt.
Do not let this get you thinking that you are less than a man becasue you have no sex drive right now. This is a very normal reaction given what you have been through. I am sure you may be just wishing that this would all just go away. It can, if you work hard at understanding PTSD. A woman who loves you will support you, even in ways beyond what you think she can. A loving woman will see you as brave to be willing to face this. We here, all see you as being brave.
O

 

[ISupportHer]

A Resource For You Maybe?

Conjurus,

First, I want to say that I hear your difficulty, your pain.

My wife's Therapist had given her a copy of Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse by Laura Davis. It is a companion book to Courage To Heal, a larger book that is for survivors (sufferers as we say here).

I hope you have other resources to help you, like a Therapist or Psychologist, but perhaps the books will help you and your girlfriend. I have a Barnes & Noble nearby and they were both on the shelf there, a testament to the scope of the issue in our society.

I will just add that the "Allies" book is wonderfully written to be inclusive of everyone. The various topics are written from ALL relationships view points. One area will be from the viewpoint of straight couple with female abuse survivor, the next with the husband as the abuse survivor, then from a gay or lesbian couples perspective. Guess I am saying that I feel you would find it as very inclusive for all. I found that to be a plus, frankly.

I wish the best for you.

ISH