Finally getting in touch with my feelings....need advice

[Bird33]

I’m finally getting in touch with how I feel. Since everything happened when I was a child I have held everything in and pretended everything was fine. Now that I have been in therapy and have been talking about things I’m finally getting in touch with my feelings. I want to talk to my parents because I am sort of angry and I have not wanted to see them at all. When I do see them I’m feeling frustrated. My mother told me some things like she made me go in the basement with my grandfather even though I didn’t want to and I would cry every time. She also told me my grandfather said some things and hindsight makes her question why she didn’t do anything. She has never said I’m sorry and she really doesn’t give me what I need now. The thing is I don’t want to hurt them but I am angry and things are not good now. I also don’t really know what I want from them. I would love any advice people have. Thank you

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Hi @Bird33 I don't have much advice but your feelings are valid and if you need space from your family (if you are able to) it may be good, to sort of sort out what you want to say, what you feel, and what you want from them. You don't have to know right away. In general, closure never seems real to me, not like we think of it in a movie sense. People won't say what we want them to say, it isn't beautiful. People are messy creatures with their own coping mechanisms. I think closure is more of a personal experience we find inside of ourselves. Not sure if any of this helps, but wishing you the best.

 

[Bird33]

@Strangelongtrip what you said makes a lot of sense. I think you are right that it never happens the way we want. They never say what we want. I think I expect that and I am okay with that. I just want to somehow get it across that I am angry and having a difficult time seeing them. I feel badly about that and I don’t want to hurt them but it’s been this way for a while now and it’s not getting any better. Maybe it could help to get it out.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@Bird33 telling someone how you feel is sometimes very freeing too, and sometimes necessary, but I don’t have any advice on it because I’ve only done it once over text because I don’t feel safe doing it in person, and the person never responded ? it did feel good though. I have written letters to people who have abused me though and burned them. That helps too if you’re not ready to say it in person, to get the words down. Sorry I’m kind of all over the place!

 

[Bird33]

@Strangelongtrip thats a good idea to write it down first. I think I will do that. It will be helpful to organize my thoughts. I think part of my problem is that I often think about talking to them, start to think about it then get overwhelmed and change my thoughts to something different never completing it. I think that’s why I haven’t gone to talk to them.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@Bird33 writing it down helps with so many things! from job interviews to interpersonal communications. Wishing you luck!