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ADHD First came adhd and then came ptsd

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SeanCharles

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At the age of two, back in my state of birth, I was part of a study and was diagnosed then with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). This occurred in 1969, when returned to California after I had moved to Alaska for the first time when I was only 6 months of age. My early childhood had me bouncing a bit like a ping pong ball when my father's alcohol and prescription medications abuse cause my mom to have to maintain financial stability for the family.

I was medicated initially with Ritalin off and on while in California and then too in Alaska. I was a wild child. Something I was fascinated with doing while we lived in California was 'blowing out the pilot light' on the gas clothes dryer, this drove my mother absolutely silly. She would struggle to re-ignite this each time I conveniently extinguished this flame. (She claims she had to literally lift the dryer up in order to light the pilot light due to it's location) Another thing I did too was to put my toys in the dryer, she'd be doing laundry and to her surprise, she'd find my toys.

One early Alaskan memory which occurred after my sister was born and I recall our mom sleeping was something that I had come up with which was a strange version of 52 card pick up, my twist on this was to take all the different board games we had and essentially do what you do with the deck with all the contents of various board games which included monopoly down upon the steps below leading down into lower part of the log house.

Until real recently this year, I had been struggling to write a visual of that house because of the bad memories that were associated with my life there. A couple months ago, I was using this house for a story that will never appear here on the forum and found that I was able to easily give what I feel is an accurate description.

Upon entering the two story with a cinder block basement through an attached log on cinderblock, heated, single car garage through a wooden door with an etched glass window, you immediately enter a kitchenette on your right and a small closet on your left. looking ahead you see a dining room area and a flight of half log steps leading upstairs.

If you approach the steps and look around before climbing them you see an opening to a crawlspace, next to that you see a washer and dryer. there is an open space which might have been a storage space, but was a play space for me occasion. Above the washer and dry was a second set of steps that were closed off and a bookshelf was places as the space between those logs were difficult to climb for me and a dog that I never mentioned before which I will share another time. climbing the first set of steps takes up to a hallway on your right is a door leading out side along this hallway are two bedrooms in front of you and on your left, at the end of the hall and next to the second bedroom is the only bathroom. Behind you is the second set of steps taking you up to the living room which has memories attached to this area.

Upon entering the living room you see large windows looking outside at the front of the house and surrounding area. To your left you see a Franklin wood fireplace with a stack robber attached on a reddish/brown tiled area.

It was from the second stairway looking down that the board games were dropped! The consequence was we had to clean up the mess and of course, no more board games!

Moving on...

In 2009 I had begun seeing a therapist who had a specialty. His specialty was diagnosing 'offenders' who may or may not be responsible for why some of us are here... In the course of his care, I was diagnosed with PTSD, NOS (Not otherwise specified). I don't recall the full reasoning for his NOS part of the diagnosis.
 
Did you have a flashback to write this? Since I just joined, I haven't read your previous stuff... so maybe I'm missing a timeline with various posts... I had a very vivid recall during a breath work session led by a therapist who was trying to help me find my inner child, so I could talk to her and I think eventually bring her to a place where she felt comfortable and safe. I explored my childhood home at around age 3 or 4, before things started falling apart in my family and I'm guessing when the early seeds of trauma began. It was strange to remember everything so vividly and be able to wander about - there was nothing that came from the therapy session beyond the recognition of the beginning of my timeline... but one of the best gifts I got during my therapy work...
 
I do have a timeline that I am working on/from that at present is off forum in the form of an excel spreadsheet. I am still ironing out how I am going to post that if I am going to share that. In part I am I basically writing what I would call time dumps as they surface and piecing those into the timeline. I am not filtering or really interpreting the raw data. I am doing some incoming data flow regulation for processing though.
 
I know it's been quite awhile since I've responded to this thread and actually forgot I started this until I nearly started a new thread and this one popped up! Looking back at my childhood since age 4, which involves the move to Alaska which would be the final move for the family of three at the time seems to be when things fell apart for me!

A quick background:
I was born in California. At the age of six months old, my mother and I came to Alaska from California where I lived until I was 2 years of age. Then we moved back to California again and lived there until my parents got a phone call about Alaska being a place to find steady employment, the problem was housing was becoming difficult to find. So, at 4 we move AGAIN! During this move I believe I began seeing a common theme, my father was at the time an alcoholic who also took pills and drank his alcohol. The pill taking I don't have any clear memories of or if I do, I seem to have them blocked deep within my subconscious.

Maybe what I am doing here is a really a diary post and if it's questioned I will have this moved. I had this sudden equation of sorts develop:

ADHD+DV+VA+CSA (Child Sexual abuse)+other traumas which are situational=PTSD (with and/or dissociation possible)?

There are several reasons I am looking at this and this list of reasons is a very long list!

In summation: Basically, between a vacation I took this past fall and everything revolving around a series of cycles (changes?) I am finding that I've seen the bottom drop out from under me, like the rug being pulled out from under myself, or going back to the childhood, my parents divorcing which was amicable, my mom basically got custody of me and my sister and didn't expect or ask for child support or alimony either given his employment before he had quit the alcohol and pills was a short span, 3 months if I remember the bias. Looking at me, this past employment situation I held on for 8 years and 6 months! Whew! That's the longest I've stayed with an employer in my spotty employment.

Where I am going with this seems to be more rambling that I originally intended. I thought I was going have this making sense! I suppose the hidden or avoided issue revolves around my biological father and what he does mean to me in my own way and questioning what I would say to him in his late years that I feel I need to say. He's a completely different man now, he's happily remarried and is a caregiver to his new wife. In ways I am very happy for him, I know in me too, I have a lot of mixed emotions swirling around.

I think I am going to post this for now and will come back to this later!
 
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