as i'm currently at the point in my therapy where discussing this doesn't lead to a huge physical reaction, i thought i'd try to seek out people who have a similar issue. see how it feels, etc.
1st car wreck was when i was 15 (day before turning 16, i'm 25 now). was a passenger in a car that ran a stop sign and was hit by a large truck. i had multiple injuries, head trauma/dislocations/fracture/grab bag cuts/bruises. hospitalization followed by a 2 month convalesence, complicated by contracting mono in the hospital. i have some amnesia, covering the days before and after, but recovered a few snippits. saw my best friend's head gaping open.
2nd car wreck was a year and a few months later, on a road trip of sorts. i was alseep unbuckled in the back seat, driver fell asleep doing 80 on the interstate. the SUV hit a telephone pole, somersaulted back onto the interstate, and slid on the roof, coming to a stop on an off ramp. yet another nasty concussion, broken arm, burns, cuts, my arm was sticking out a window when the car was sliding, so part of my hand was eaten away by the highway. i don't remember this one either, have only regained one tiny memory, freaking out about my hand. luckily, no major lasting disfiguration.
3rd car wreck not so bad. 2 years later hit a deer on the highway going about 70. only injuries were burns from the airbags and some bruises. never found the deer.
i had a sort of meltdown and sold my car. for the next five years stuck to planes, buses, trains, etc etc. i had all the classic symptoms but there were other mental health issues hindering identification of PTSD (severe depression, most notably in my teenage years, actually a week before the first accident i had just returned from a stay in a mental facility). as i grew up, gained confidence, security, happiness, the depression melted away so the PTSD began to become more evident. i broke my foot last year and was forced to drive to work, which eventually resulted in a breakdown. i've been in therapy for almost five months and it's hard, unpleasant work but i want to feel comfortable in my own skin at some point.
my therapist assures me that i'm highly functioning, and this is true. but the constant panic attacks, starts, and intrusive thoughts are hard to gloss over all the time. it takes an incredible amount of energy to maintain. more than anything i'm exhausted. i'm tired of having to run out of movie theaters during scenes with car wrecks and hyperventilate in the bathroom. so, just like anything else, this is self-improvement, something to pursue aggressively.
i know three car wrecks is crazy. i hesitate to talk about this because i think people naturally either assume i'm inflating facts (if anything i deflate them) or find three wrecks almost too ridiculous to take seriously. it's safer to keep to myself, but i've blown the illusion of control and safety by spilling my guts to my wonderful therapist each week.
so, that's my story, as brief as i can make it. thanks for sitting through it.
1st car wreck was when i was 15 (day before turning 16, i'm 25 now). was a passenger in a car that ran a stop sign and was hit by a large truck. i had multiple injuries, head trauma/dislocations/fracture/grab bag cuts/bruises. hospitalization followed by a 2 month convalesence, complicated by contracting mono in the hospital. i have some amnesia, covering the days before and after, but recovered a few snippits. saw my best friend's head gaping open.
2nd car wreck was a year and a few months later, on a road trip of sorts. i was alseep unbuckled in the back seat, driver fell asleep doing 80 on the interstate. the SUV hit a telephone pole, somersaulted back onto the interstate, and slid on the roof, coming to a stop on an off ramp. yet another nasty concussion, broken arm, burns, cuts, my arm was sticking out a window when the car was sliding, so part of my hand was eaten away by the highway. i don't remember this one either, have only regained one tiny memory, freaking out about my hand. luckily, no major lasting disfiguration.
3rd car wreck not so bad. 2 years later hit a deer on the highway going about 70. only injuries were burns from the airbags and some bruises. never found the deer.
i had a sort of meltdown and sold my car. for the next five years stuck to planes, buses, trains, etc etc. i had all the classic symptoms but there were other mental health issues hindering identification of PTSD (severe depression, most notably in my teenage years, actually a week before the first accident i had just returned from a stay in a mental facility). as i grew up, gained confidence, security, happiness, the depression melted away so the PTSD began to become more evident. i broke my foot last year and was forced to drive to work, which eventually resulted in a breakdown. i've been in therapy for almost five months and it's hard, unpleasant work but i want to feel comfortable in my own skin at some point.
my therapist assures me that i'm highly functioning, and this is true. but the constant panic attacks, starts, and intrusive thoughts are hard to gloss over all the time. it takes an incredible amount of energy to maintain. more than anything i'm exhausted. i'm tired of having to run out of movie theaters during scenes with car wrecks and hyperventilate in the bathroom. so, just like anything else, this is self-improvement, something to pursue aggressively.
i know three car wrecks is crazy. i hesitate to talk about this because i think people naturally either assume i'm inflating facts (if anything i deflate them) or find three wrecks almost too ridiculous to take seriously. it's safer to keep to myself, but i've blown the illusion of control and safety by spilling my guts to my wonderful therapist each week.
so, that's my story, as brief as i can make it. thanks for sitting through it.
