first serious relationship - when both going through mental health treatment/issues

S

Savvy F

Hello everyone!! I have never posted here, and I'm new, so forgive me if this is something already discussed.

So I have been w my bf for a year and a half. We are both going through it right now. We both work in social work non-profits for unhoused folks. We love it. Recently we have both tried to sort out our mental health. He is doing deep TMS, I'm doing an intensive outpatient program. We are both drained, but I think on the right paths. I see good things for us. However, it gets hard. We both have triggers and bad days and sensitive days. He, too, is realizing his own trauma. I need advice on ways to lift each other up while going through this. We both give each other grace, love, and support each other. But I need tools to help. I have a hard time remember he can be mad and need space and still love me. I know that. Likewise, I am sure when I get angry or upset, he feels similar.

How do we help each other and come out stronger together and healthier people.
 
I'm sorry If I can't help but this is from my own experience.
I would talk with my therapist about it and also making an emotional distance to leave me in a "safe place". I mean, just making a little distance to protect your emotions. And recognize each other that you both are individuals with your own lifes.

I say it because I had a relationship with a guy I met on the psy ward. My 4F type are freeze and fawn so I gave more importance to his problems than mine even when I needed to go back more than once to the psychiatric because he destabilized me emotionally. I was drained in a spiral of pain but I didn't even care because I was all the time "babysitting" him, being worried about his problems literally doing the work of a therapist because he didn't wanted to go.
After we break up, I realised our relationship was based on emotional dependency, at least for me.

Be careful with it but If you think is a healthy relationship, go ahead and try to talk to the therapist about it and making some emotional distsnce to protect yourself.

(Sorry If I didn't express myself properly, it's my second language)
 
hello savvy. welcome to the forum.

my 43rd anniversary is coming up and we still have our ups and downs, etc. i'm beginning to wonder if that's just life. my own relationship seems to fare better when we stay out of one another's therapy. well? ? ? i'm in therapy. hubs is still too perfect for therapy, but i stay out of the way of his perfections. we talk openly and freely about our respective lives, but trust one another to work through our individual problems in our individual style. asking for and offering help is encouraged, but neither of us ever pretends to know what is best for the other. my job is just to love you, as you are, wherever you are, until you understand yourself, hon.

but that is me and the best relationships are thoroughly customized.

steadying support while you find the customizations which work best for you.
welcome aboard.
 
GO SLLLLLOOOOOOOOWWWW. Take your time to build a relationship with each other first, before anything else.....

Learn "You said -I heard". It takes time and honesty but it helps stop fights because someone misunderstood or had an opinion or a prejudice, or whatever. Its stops things and gives you time to talk and understand rather than judge and get hurt/angry/resentful whatever.

One of the biggest things in my relationship is for me to have time to understand what/when/why/how, because really my first reaction is still anger - no matter how I try for it not to be. Understanding takes me time sometimes.
 
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