Flashback Then 3&1/2 Hours Later Into Shock

[Brokensoul88]

I had my session in the middle of the day as I am working away for the next 3 days (which I was already terrified about) so won't make my usual evening appt 2mrw. My T asked about whether one trigger a few weeks ago resulted in the same feeling of pain as the start of my trauma. I couldn't answer, my brain just completely blocked it & I changed the subject. I went back into work after session & after about 30 mins had a flashback which was more powerful & more detailed than previous ones. I came to and then dissociated when I came to again nobody had noticed a thing. I kept going for another hour & left, I evenin managed to do some shopping get home, check the hire car, put the bins out, text people, watch tv & then 3&1/2 hours after the flashback I was trembling first in my hands then my chest, I text my T & by the time I got upstairs & she called me I was shaking all over & so cold. She said I was in shock, she helped me to ground & had to go, I led on my bed shivering & text my boss who would make a very good psychotherapist called me straight away. After about 2 mins of shivering & talking she said "you are holding it in, I know you are" at which point I burst out crying & she said I am not working away for the next 3days. I completely panicked & tried to backtrack because, as I said to my boss, if I can't manage to do my job then what is the point? What is there for me? It's all I have.

Now I'm in the bath sweating & calming down but I don't feel remotely ok. I am so confused, I googled shock after flashback but all I could find was shock after trauma, it's been 7 1/2 years since it actually happened but only started remembering things in the last 2 years-ish & this is the closest I have come to feeling anything from it

 

[ShodokanJenn]

I'm sorry you had such a difficult reaction. I had the same problem last week after therapy. During my appointment, I was able to stay numb and grounded, and talk about some tough stuff. But afterward? Cue the shaking, sweating, racing heart, dizziness, crippling fear. Therapy has a way of putting stuff right back in the front of your mind, and can cause a person to experience reactions they may not have even had when it happened in the first place. You are doing a great job handling this - reaching out for help from people who are good and safe. And taking a bath to warm up (and hopefully be able to relax a little). Good job on that! As for going away for work, don't worry about it. If your boss feels it would be better for you not to go at this time, maybe you should just take it for what it's worth - a welcome respite from something that could compound what you're already going through.

Keep your chin up. You're going to make it.

 

[Powder]

I, also, get really cold and teeth chatter until my inner ear tickles from the excessive vibrations. For me this happens within 1-5 minutes of the flashback, not hours later. To me it sounds like you were able to hit a pause button during the flashback or this mimicked the original stressor's pattern somehow. I'm sorry to hear that you have this, too.

The good news is that for me it's a sign that the flashback has ended, and most do not return for me once I have them and process any unfinished emotional business I have with them through reframing as an adult. (my trauma is all from childhood)

I hope you can find the emotional release. The pause in the middle and your fighting the flashback from coming is of concern for repeating it. It will come back stronger until it is accepted as a memory and reframed in a way that allows you to use the material to see your own good in the now.

I may not be able to explain that, but for me it is about allowing the memory to fully express, to accept it for what it is, to feel empathy for myself having to live through that, to explain it to myself after it passes, and then to explain it to someone else. If I feel any shame or negative emotions during memory recall after the flashback, because sometimes I get other segments of the memory after the flashback as normal memory, I will automatically try blocking the memory segment. But I allow it and promise to be kind to myself, and I work through the memory as best I can so that I see how what I did or had to do was actually positive given the dire situation or represents a positive trait that I do have, even if it wasn't always getting me what I wanted in the moment.

 

[Brokensoul88]

Thank you Muse, this week has been hell. I'm terrified because the flashback was only a small part of what happened. I'm on edge thinking about whether that part will intrude into my thoughts again in that manner or whether another flashback will come through when we talk more in the next session on Tuesday.