mylunareclipse
Platinum Member
Sorry if this is triggering to anyone.
Long story short about two years ago I started reliving repressed memories. They were pretty violent (especially to begin with) and included a lot of sexual abuse scenarios. During these "memories" I would lock myself on the bathroom and relive the whole scene, my body would just move in a way I couldn't control. The pain would be excruciating and I would cry.
These memories have become more sporadic and don't happen for hours anymore, but I still get them from time to time. Ie. Today I am at work but the whole day I feel like someone is trying to sexually abuse me. I feel so much pressure in both my mouth and intimate parts. On top of that, I suck my thumb, I cry, I feel helpless and scared and repeat in my head mama. or I am sorry. Sometimes I view things in my head and I see what's happening to me, or the people abusing me even talk directly to me and I respond to them, nodding my head etc. Sorry for the detail, but I remember in the past even giving a "hand job" to air. Honestly, my hand was just moving and I couldn't stop it.
All of this, is pretty confusing and scary and tiring to me. I don't know what to really call these. Are they flashbacks? My therapists said that I was going through dissociative episodes.
I mostly stay in denial about the whole thing as I have no memories of any of this happening and the details are just too gruesome and scary. But once in a while, I get to a place where I become more accepting. I am just uncertain as to what to call these? Are they flashbacks or dissociative episodes? What's the difference. I have to say I never lose contact with reality in any of these episodes. Even though I am aware however, I don't have control of my body.
Thank you for your help!
Long story short about two years ago I started reliving repressed memories. They were pretty violent (especially to begin with) and included a lot of sexual abuse scenarios. During these "memories" I would lock myself on the bathroom and relive the whole scene, my body would just move in a way I couldn't control. The pain would be excruciating and I would cry.
These memories have become more sporadic and don't happen for hours anymore, but I still get them from time to time. Ie. Today I am at work but the whole day I feel like someone is trying to sexually abuse me. I feel so much pressure in both my mouth and intimate parts. On top of that, I suck my thumb, I cry, I feel helpless and scared and repeat in my head mama. or I am sorry. Sometimes I view things in my head and I see what's happening to me, or the people abusing me even talk directly to me and I respond to them, nodding my head etc. Sorry for the detail, but I remember in the past even giving a "hand job" to air. Honestly, my hand was just moving and I couldn't stop it.
All of this, is pretty confusing and scary and tiring to me. I don't know what to really call these. Are they flashbacks? My therapists said that I was going through dissociative episodes.
I mostly stay in denial about the whole thing as I have no memories of any of this happening and the details are just too gruesome and scary. But once in a while, I get to a place where I become more accepting. I am just uncertain as to what to call these? Are they flashbacks or dissociative episodes? What's the difference. I have to say I never lose contact with reality in any of these episodes. Even though I am aware however, I don't have control of my body.
Thank you for your help!
