Flashbacks, Pain, And Throwing Up From Trigger

[Srain]

Since I found out about my friend and the assault I have been sick as a dog. Non-stop Migraine back again, puking with severe cramps, and I can't stop crying for her and me. I can't sleep due to nightmares and flashbacks that I keep recall my ex punching me in the face and dragging me through the apt by my hair, flip backward to my father breaking my nose, I look in the mirror and I have a blackeye and broken nose, I throw up and lose all sense of time and date. My head hurts so bad I can't see. Did I break something when I fell a couple weeks ago??? I should have gotten that checked out.

My husband is so concerned but I tell him there's nothing he can do because I can't tell what exactly is wrong. Is it pain from the past, present??? I can't tell. I think. I went to the tdoc and hand her my writings and she works on getting me calmed down so we can at least figure out how to teach me to relearn to separate my feelings from others. I use to know but the lines have all blurred.

This morning the nausea is gone, the pain is lessened but still pronounced in the temple when I hit my head. I will go to the dr on Monday if it's still there, giving rebound from pain med to subside (just in case) even though my husband is not okay with this. I slept last night, minimal nightmares, less crying and paranoia this morning. I caught the spiral and grounded myself, yeah.

I'm exhausted, it's been a long lost week. I feel embarrassed that I got triggered by something horrible happening to a good friend of mine when i feel like I should have been stronger to be there for her. I want to work on being stronger so that doesn't happen again.

Rain

 

[anni]

I'm terribly sorry you had such an excrutiating week- it sounds beyond awful. It also sounds like you're doing your best to get a handle on it with professional help, and will continue to try to do so. I know that when a real, knock-down, drag out migraine nails me ( the real, neurological storm, not just a bad headache- there's a big, fat difference ) it takes the system days to recover and sometimes it is a longggg time before the nausea goes away. Ok, the throwing UP goes away. It doesn't seem to me awful, or that you'd have been somehow weak that this would be triggered by the events you described. Migraine is neuro, as is PTSD, you know? Sometimes when we're SO off the wall upset, and blaming ourselves, and triggered up the gazoo as well it's tough to be able to go back and see any logic at all in anything, that's all. Once the body takes over, there really isn't a lot you could have done. Is this too long? If it is, please excuse. I was up early, fighting early signs of my own migraine. If it 'gets' me, there's no stopping the thing until the ER. Got this one.

It did just occur to me, reading this that as awful as you feel, could you perhaps be also experiencing some 'normal' grieving, for your friend and yourself? Yes, the PTSD makes the reactions dreadful- your past and your accident of course-feels anything but normal. Could it be somewhat allowable, though, and even 'ok'? You sound like you're immediatly taking steps to feel out how not get to extremes if this occurs again but perhaps it won't, having somehow grieved this time. Does that make sense? I'll shush now in case it does not, but hope you're not being to hard on yourself. It does sound like you've done absolutely the best you could, and your friend will still need you in the days ahead too.

Do take care,

Anni

 

[Srain]

Thank you Anni, I am feeling better though exhausted. I was overwhelmed by having lost most of my memory of this past week :( . I tried calling my friend yesterday but her husband said she was out.

You could be very right, I do feel horrible that someone so sweet as her could have something so horrible as that happen to her. She is nothing been kind to people. She has been struggling so hard this past 2yrs to get pregnant and had just had another surgery so this was just sickening to have happen.

Many things have gone through my mind and heart this week, it was just all too much and I over-loaded. My head feels better, thankfully I have such a great tdoc to help me. She had me focused in such a short time and had me working the grounding tools I'm amazed. I still cry for my friend but hold it to a level while trying to leave my own memories out of it.

(((((((((((Anni))))))))))))))
Your post was so welcomed, thank you.
Rain

 

[anni]

I'm kind of relieved- if you know what I mean. If you leave a long post in reply to someone feeling just awful, it sometimes almost feels intrusive, that's all. Plus- what if you're wrong and it's frustrating for the other person? Hee!! I once wasn't thinking and went 'blah blah blah' on something to do with art to someone who turned out to be a REAL knock-down, drag out professional. Like an idiot-so funny! They were very kind about it and let me discover this by myself. :)

I'm glad the worst is past with that one. I did see from having been lured into another thread that you do know exactly what to do with these stupid things so will save you my blah blah blah's as a semi professional sufferer. :) Gosh, so unsurprising feeling someone else's pain like that would have knocked the neuro system into left field. I sincerely melted for your friend so can't imagine being so close. I really do hope the healing for both of you continues from here-maybe someday you'll be watching her fat baby do something fall-down funny and think about how far everyone has come.

Hugs also, and thanks again for not minding the long, 'informative', blah blah blah' reply! :)

Anni

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry I haven't offered you any 'hope' Rain but can not yet read your post about your friend. But still my prayers and heart go out to both of you. :(
xoxoxox

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Rain))))

OMG I just saw this thread. I'm so sorry you're going through so much!

 

[Srain]

(((((((((((BloomInWinter))))))))))

My Girl Friend has been light on her phone calls but that's been understandable to me. She hooked up immediately with her therapist and started immediately to work through this after it happened. The sickest part happened was when she was told by the police, that her "story" didn't hold due to her having currently undergoing major stresses in her life because of infertility issues and she had a past history of Mental Illnesses. Despite it having been years since she had been in a hospital for any mental issues and having since then gone back to University gotten her degrees and become a Psychologist.

She was informed the case had become one person's word against another. They couldn't explain her busted lip other that she must have done it to herself and the same with her bruised eye. The guy was let go and she was left on her own made to feel like she had no protection and worst of all that she could not trust the police to believe her should she call in an emergence fi this guy came back. I gave her all the pointers I could but felt helpless as she is very different than me and probably a lot healthier in that respect but it's difficult to know from this distance.

I call just to let her know I am thinking of her, never knowing if it helps or hurts. I leave messages telling her I am thinking of her and I love her and my husband says hi.

peace,
Rain

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Rain)))))))

Have her call the nearest women's domestic abuse shelter. They have the resources and people who can at least let her know her options....and perhaps help her with some basic things she can do to feel safer.