Friend is in chronic pain and i am not at my best...

[SeekingAfrica]

I have a friend who has chronic disease that will get worse over time. Recently it's been a lot worse, especially this week. I myself have been through a lot of mental loops the last year. I was suicidal at 2 points, currently, I'm neither at my best nor my worst. I'm having practical issues that came out of my health and up until last week, things were getting dark fast. For 3 months I don't know how I'm managing things, but miraculously, I am.
But every issue is hard to deal with so I haven't been the best. I've been surviving, but there are major life issues I need to sort out if I don't want to for that to keep being the state of things. I barely saw a spark of hope yesterday, but now my friend is in so much pain(literally) and she's angry and sad and I can't blame her. And there's not much I can really do.

I am so overwhelmed. I have so many question marks and no one to talk to about it. How do I solve my major issues but keep my mental health intact? How do I deal with major deadlines this month when so exhausted for all the mental stuff and depressed? How do I help someone in chronic pain who is super independent and even though I've offered probably won't let me help with anything? How do I help her? How do I help me? For a moment I somehow gleamed a bit of what she's going through and it seriously hurt to imagine...It makes me feel helpless. A part of me is thinking I can't help her if I'm not well myself, but compared to her issues mine seem small right now and it seems selfish to work on them(even though they really, REALLY aren't, I'm in a lot of practical trouble, but...)....I feel so lost....

 

[Justmehere]

Feeling helpless is a really difficult place to be in, and if you need to do so, it’s ok to take space.

But so often, what many people fighting a chronic illness need isn’t someone to fix all their problems for them, but someone to be present. Listen.

That can be a huge help to someone, especially if they are not ready for other help.

I have a chronic illness and I have had friends super eager to jump in and help, but what actually helped the most were the ones who “just” listened.

It can be painful to listen, and that’s why if it’s too much, it’s ok to take a little space until your own mental health is in a better place.

For airplane safety drills they always instruct everyone to put on their own oxygen mask first. Why? Because if someone focuses on putting on someone else’s mask first, and they are not able to do it, then there will likely be two people without oxygen, not just one. But if you put on you own oxygen mask first, then you can breathe and help the other person for much longer.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Feeling helpless is a really difficult place to be in, and if you need to do so, it’s ok to take s...

Thank you! I have chronic illness too, but it's mental(anxiety, panic disorder)...but when it comes to something that she knows will keep to more and more operations and get worse with time, it feels harder. With mental health at least there is always the hope that you will get to a much better place(even if you need constant self-care). But to know you can do a zillion things and you will still be in a lot of physical pain all the time, sounds terrifying. If she wants to vent I'm all okay with that.

I just need to not lose myself in that. I know she'll get through this. I just need to keep a balance. Be there for her, but also, start digging into my own stuff, because when you have problems going on for years and it just gets worse...it just starts to seem like you're hopeless and you'll always be like that. My life needs cardinal changes. And that's scary in it's own right. So scary that for a year I felt like I have to majorly change or I won't get through the month...by luck, I've gone through the months, and I'm still here. But I have to start thinking like I'll get through this so that I actually do.

I just need to find this balance between helping my friend and helping myself. I need to build myself into someone strong enough to handle this.

 

[Mee]

I have chronic illness. Unlike others i don’t really want someone to listen about it. I want to be seen for ME.