Orglethorp
Not Active
Starting over in university at 25 is hard enough, but one of my younger "friends" / classmates is starting to drive me absolutely nuts. She's a very, very young 20. Like 20 going on 16 sort of young.
She asks the same questions about course material day after day after day without absorbing explanations. Sometimes she doesn't even let us finish answering before she's moved on to another question. She's worried that engineering isn't for her, and that she won't get into her first choice discipline (mechanical), but when she asks us which discipline we see her doing and presses us to be honest, she gets very offended when we say business or arts. She'll also argue to the death that process engineering is a good second choice, even though we're pointing out how much chemistry it requires and how she hates chemistry, because "it only has one more chemistry course." She won't accept our explanation that it may only have one more course called chemistry, but it includes a lot of engineering topics that use chemistry. It's basically a chemical engineering degree with a specialization. She's a genius with numbers (would have scored 5% higher than me on every test last semester if it weren't for her formatting errors) but she's careless with her studies and thinks she's stupid. She complains endlessly about how hard classes are, how she doesn't understand anything, and how she is convinced that she's going to fail, and then promptly starts telling everyone else that they will do just fine. (No one else is ever vocalizing any doubts of their own at this point.) I often point out when she's doing this that she is comforting people who aren't seeking comfort, and that she is the only person in the group who doubts her own intelligence. She's surprised by this revelation every single time.
I have explained self-fulfilling prophecies to her countless times and told her that she'll do fine if she would just go to class, read the material, and think positive thoughts before exams. She always leaves large chunks of test papers blank. Whatever material I tell her she should study, she doesn't. (Sure enough, this is usually what's on the test.) If she's your lab partner, she'll sit and say she feels bad for not doing any of the work, but won't actually do anything, or will randomly do the wrong thing at the worst possible moment. (Example: we're measuring the restoring force of a mass & spring system, and I'm carefully watching it oscillate, waiting for it to stop any side-to-side motion before I ask the computer to collect data, and she apparently thinks I've decided this is all wrong and catches it.)
She doesn't shut up. Ever. Or, if she does, she starts playing with her hair and picking at her face with such big, rapid movements that it becomes distracting. If we eat lunch in the cafeteria in the engineering building she is likely to spend the next hour fluttering around the cafeteria, inviting herself to sit down and chat with everyone she recognizes one by one (signs of wishing to study in peace go ignored), even if she's supposed to be taking her turn watching our laptops while I buy my lunch. She texts me constantly about senseless things. She'll call me every 5-10 minutes if I don't answer her first call right away. Once I do answer, I'm stuck holding the phone to my ear for a minimum of 20 minutes. The conversation usually revolves around one of many male classmates who she doesn't know how to approach. She worries that because she hasn't had a boyfriend yet she never will. The fact that I was engaged at 21 seems to compound this belief in her, even though I remind her that I'm glad that relationship fell apart, and that I know at least 1 27-year-old woman who hasn't date yet and isn't bothered by it. I have pointed out classmates who seem to have a crush on her, and she always disagrees. They usually aren't "her type" either, which she'll admit if I start talking about my type and drop one of these names. I find this funny, because they often look like they could be her blond or ginger cousins.
I had to tell her about my PTSD once because she was constantly calling me Jenny, which happens to be a trigger for me. My name is Jennifer, and I'll answer to Jen, Jenna or Jennifer. I have never once introduced myself to anyone in this city as anything other than Jenna, unless I'm identifying myself to a professor, in which case I'm usually spelling out my last name. I don't know where on earth she got Jenny from, but she thinks it suits me. When I told her that I have PTSD, I had to explain what that is because she had never heard of it. (Really? As an adult in the 21st century?). I told her about my father. I told her about an abusive ex. I told her about how PTSD is the reason I kept trudging through a degree I didn't want for 6 years before finally making the decision to re-start an engineering degree. Her response was "oh, that sucks." It took 2 more months of reminders after that conversation to get her to stop calling me Jenny. She still slips up sometimes. She'll look at photos I'm tagged in on facebook, find an old family photo that my aunt posted, and say she likes my father's smile, or that I look like him. She constantly talks about how she wishes she were a kid again and then asks if I do too. With most people, I let this slide because they don't know, but she does. It just doesn't cross her mind before she speaks. In fact, it usually doesn't cross her mind until my response isn't what she was expecting.
She rushed for the sorority when I did, but didn't get in. I'm currently president, and I've told her that there are things I can't tell her about the sorority, because sororities have secrets. She still asks at least once a week about sorority meetings.
She calls me when her internet is down, expecting me to be able to do something about it from the other side of town. Oh, and she lives with her parents. Why she doesn't ask them when the internet goes down, I do not know.
This semester we're in 4 of my 5 classes together, plus a weekly lab slot. Since our classes together end at 1pm every Monday/Wednesday/Friday, we usually each lunch together those days as well. We have mostly the same social circle, because she introduces me to everyone she knows and expects me to do the same. (She also loves playing the "guess how old Jenna is" game. Nobody ever gets it right. Apparently I look 19.)
So, long story short, I'm running very short on patience for this girl. Back in September she was one of my good friends. These days, I feel like her babysitter. I'm glad she didn't make it into the sorority because it means I have a social group that doesn't include her.
I'm going to be majoring in electrical engineering in the fall, which happens to be her very last choice of disciplines (I promise that isn't my reason for choosing it!) so we'll drift apart at school eventually, but she was a good friend at one point not too long ago, and we are still lab partners for the remainder of the semester. What do I do about her? Has anyone else had to deal with a similar immature/annoying friend?
She asks the same questions about course material day after day after day without absorbing explanations. Sometimes she doesn't even let us finish answering before she's moved on to another question. She's worried that engineering isn't for her, and that she won't get into her first choice discipline (mechanical), but when she asks us which discipline we see her doing and presses us to be honest, she gets very offended when we say business or arts. She'll also argue to the death that process engineering is a good second choice, even though we're pointing out how much chemistry it requires and how she hates chemistry, because "it only has one more chemistry course." She won't accept our explanation that it may only have one more course called chemistry, but it includes a lot of engineering topics that use chemistry. It's basically a chemical engineering degree with a specialization. She's a genius with numbers (would have scored 5% higher than me on every test last semester if it weren't for her formatting errors) but she's careless with her studies and thinks she's stupid. She complains endlessly about how hard classes are, how she doesn't understand anything, and how she is convinced that she's going to fail, and then promptly starts telling everyone else that they will do just fine. (No one else is ever vocalizing any doubts of their own at this point.) I often point out when she's doing this that she is comforting people who aren't seeking comfort, and that she is the only person in the group who doubts her own intelligence. She's surprised by this revelation every single time.
I have explained self-fulfilling prophecies to her countless times and told her that she'll do fine if she would just go to class, read the material, and think positive thoughts before exams. She always leaves large chunks of test papers blank. Whatever material I tell her she should study, she doesn't. (Sure enough, this is usually what's on the test.) If she's your lab partner, she'll sit and say she feels bad for not doing any of the work, but won't actually do anything, or will randomly do the wrong thing at the worst possible moment. (Example: we're measuring the restoring force of a mass & spring system, and I'm carefully watching it oscillate, waiting for it to stop any side-to-side motion before I ask the computer to collect data, and she apparently thinks I've decided this is all wrong and catches it.)
She doesn't shut up. Ever. Or, if she does, she starts playing with her hair and picking at her face with such big, rapid movements that it becomes distracting. If we eat lunch in the cafeteria in the engineering building she is likely to spend the next hour fluttering around the cafeteria, inviting herself to sit down and chat with everyone she recognizes one by one (signs of wishing to study in peace go ignored), even if she's supposed to be taking her turn watching our laptops while I buy my lunch. She texts me constantly about senseless things. She'll call me every 5-10 minutes if I don't answer her first call right away. Once I do answer, I'm stuck holding the phone to my ear for a minimum of 20 minutes. The conversation usually revolves around one of many male classmates who she doesn't know how to approach. She worries that because she hasn't had a boyfriend yet she never will. The fact that I was engaged at 21 seems to compound this belief in her, even though I remind her that I'm glad that relationship fell apart, and that I know at least 1 27-year-old woman who hasn't date yet and isn't bothered by it. I have pointed out classmates who seem to have a crush on her, and she always disagrees. They usually aren't "her type" either, which she'll admit if I start talking about my type and drop one of these names. I find this funny, because they often look like they could be her blond or ginger cousins.
I had to tell her about my PTSD once because she was constantly calling me Jenny, which happens to be a trigger for me. My name is Jennifer, and I'll answer to Jen, Jenna or Jennifer. I have never once introduced myself to anyone in this city as anything other than Jenna, unless I'm identifying myself to a professor, in which case I'm usually spelling out my last name. I don't know where on earth she got Jenny from, but she thinks it suits me. When I told her that I have PTSD, I had to explain what that is because she had never heard of it. (Really? As an adult in the 21st century?). I told her about my father. I told her about an abusive ex. I told her about how PTSD is the reason I kept trudging through a degree I didn't want for 6 years before finally making the decision to re-start an engineering degree. Her response was "oh, that sucks." It took 2 more months of reminders after that conversation to get her to stop calling me Jenny. She still slips up sometimes. She'll look at photos I'm tagged in on facebook, find an old family photo that my aunt posted, and say she likes my father's smile, or that I look like him. She constantly talks about how she wishes she were a kid again and then asks if I do too. With most people, I let this slide because they don't know, but she does. It just doesn't cross her mind before she speaks. In fact, it usually doesn't cross her mind until my response isn't what she was expecting.
She rushed for the sorority when I did, but didn't get in. I'm currently president, and I've told her that there are things I can't tell her about the sorority, because sororities have secrets. She still asks at least once a week about sorority meetings.
She calls me when her internet is down, expecting me to be able to do something about it from the other side of town. Oh, and she lives with her parents. Why she doesn't ask them when the internet goes down, I do not know.
This semester we're in 4 of my 5 classes together, plus a weekly lab slot. Since our classes together end at 1pm every Monday/Wednesday/Friday, we usually each lunch together those days as well. We have mostly the same social circle, because she introduces me to everyone she knows and expects me to do the same. (She also loves playing the "guess how old Jenna is" game. Nobody ever gets it right. Apparently I look 19.)
So, long story short, I'm running very short on patience for this girl. Back in September she was one of my good friends. These days, I feel like her babysitter. I'm glad she didn't make it into the sorority because it means I have a social group that doesn't include her.
I'm going to be majoring in electrical engineering in the fall, which happens to be her very last choice of disciplines (I promise that isn't my reason for choosing it!) so we'll drift apart at school eventually, but she was a good friend at one point not too long ago, and we are still lab partners for the remainder of the semester. What do I do about her? Has anyone else had to deal with a similar immature/annoying friend?
