Friends that want you to stay sick

[Fayne Jane]

I am moving through EMDR, almost done and wondering about if you have ever had friends that want you to stay sick. My friend has been by my side thru EMDR but seems to have changed recently. It seems in my mind she almost wants me t stay unhealthy and has tried pushing my buttons. She wrote me she saw a "shit fit" coming referring to my past angry outbursts which I am past through EMDR. I am calm, clearer and on my way to healing from my tragedy. She has been a great support but I am wondering if she wants me to stay screwd up so she can continue to assist me. Has anyone experienced this?

 

[ladee]

Yes, with my son... the healthier I got, the madder he got... we don't always recognize a certain dynamic until we start getting healthier... I hope this is not it with your friend... but trust what you are feeling... can you talk with her about this??? Would be great if she simply doesn't understand how EMDR works.... hope the best outcome for you and your friend.

 

[The Albatross]

An alternative perspective might be that your friend has a well established knowledge of your habits and behaviors and she may be seeing indicators and is concerned for you.

Not really enough information to decide this. This is something that really would be best to initiate a discussion with your friend about.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Fayne Jane The way my old therapist explains this is..... When we change and become healthier, the people that were around us, when we were sick, DON'T know what to expect. They were comfortable with us when we were sick because THEY knew what to expect and how to respond.

When we get healthier, they are thrown off balance, they don't know how to act or how to respond and most times they will try and provoke us to revert to old behaviors. This is where you will really need to dig deep for strength, because when they don't get what they want, they will up the ante and really try to push our buttons!!!!!!

Hang in there, cause it may be a very bumpy ride for awhile!!!!!

 

[Teasel]

Also I think it can take time for people to update their behaviour towards you when you've changed.

I guess talk to her about it and see how she is after that?

 

[Fayne Jane]

Thank you all for your feedback, I think she wants to keep me in a sick mode so she can help me. I am so tired of others in my life seeing me with the lens of the past. I know it takes time and I understand that. However this person has a counseling history and has the ability to say "are you headed for an angry outburst" which I wasn't and then wrote "I see a shit fit coming". Who says that after knowing every inch of my work on getting past being beaten, raped and left for dead? I am hurt but moving on to forgive.

 

[Deleted member 541]

It's not about moving on and forgiving her. It's about saying to her, "it's really too bad that you feel that way." It's about rising above and knowing that YOU are getting healthier and that she is stuck in old behavior.

And for me it was a bit about, knowing that I was getting better and they were still behaving badly so it was my revenge in a way that was done without reverting to old behavior. They were the ones that were pissed off, exhibiting bad behavior, and I wasn't doing anything to provoke that. I remained calm cool and collected, while watching them act out....

 

[anthony]

She has been a great support but I am wondering if she wants me to stay screwd up so she can continue to assist me.

Very common in relationship dynamics. People meet under x circumstances, when one changes their circumstances, it changes the dynamic of the relationship. Its like being a group of single friends, and as each peel off into relationships, the friendships often drift apart. When kids start appearing in some of those relationships, then new relationships often begin with people in similar dynamics (first time parents, other parents).

Very common issue for relationships, and not exclusive to this scenario.

 

[Justmehere]

Who says that after knowing every inch of my work on getting past being beaten, raped and left for dead? I am hurt but moving on to forgive.

Have you told her what you are and are not ok with?