Childhood As a child, I was bullied by my best friend, who wanted to have a loving relationship with me. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

[Stingray]

As a child, I was bullied by my best friend, who wanted to have a loving relationship with me. Has anyone experienced anything like this? As a child, I was a very open, sensitive and trusting child.

I had a best friend, I was 10 years old, she was 14 years old. We lived in the same house, went to the same school, we had the same life circumstances, we had the same interests, we spent almost all our time together. But I couldn't imagine then that it wasn't friendship on her part, but something more.

It turned out later when she tried to seduce me, tried to teach me how to kiss and make love. I'm a traditional orientation and she knew about it. She knew I liked boys. Over time, she began to influence me, to influence my opinion and my interests, to force me to make choices and make decisions that would suit her. She took away my right to be an independent person.

Moreover, if I refused to accept what she was trying to impose on me, she would fly into a rage and insult me. Things got worse when she got into a fight with my friend who also lives next door. This friend told her everything he thinks about her and said that it's not safe for me to be around her, she's hurting me, and she's trying to teach me things that shouldn't be present at my age (adult friends with immoral and aggressive behavior,theft,sex,alcohol,partying at night).

After this fight between them, a friend who tried to protect me and get me out of this relationship was harmed and serious threats were made to him. I realized that I had had enough. I've had enough of what my best friend is doing to my life and the lives of those people who are trying to protect me.I tried to talk to her, for which I received an outburst of uncontrollable rage on her part and a blow to the face. It was a step beyond the red line for me. I left.

After that, I was bullied wherever I could be, on the street, at school, anywhere. Physical violence was used against me, they tried to catch me several times to beat me, dirty rumors were spread about me, various setups and nasty things were committed. All this necessarily happened in front of a large number of people. I was afraid to be everywhere, even at home next to my mother, I didn't feel safe. This went on for two years.

Then everything gradually began to subside and later stopped. My former best friend changed her educational institution and moved, because of her life circumstances. We still have mutual friends, and we met once by chance 10-11 years later at a mutual friend's birthday party.We were already adults, I had gone through a lot in my life, she had gone through a lot during that time, there was no aggression between us anymore, but the tension was still felt. From her behavior, I concluded that she is attracted to girls, she wants not only to have friendly and trusting relationships with them, but also to possess them, literally get under their skin and under their skirts. For all the time that we were in the same room, her fantasies about girls did not subside. It was an unhealthy interest.

I thought that her actions in adolescence were caused by a transitional period, which gives rise to a search for oneself in this world and exacerbates childhood traumas, but it turned out to be much deeper. I am glad that I did not continue this relationship at such a young age, I would not have had the strength to deal with her pressure and would not have had the knowledge to help her.

 

[OceanSpray]

I’ve got to be honest, I’m confused. Maybe I need to read through it again. I understand that as teens she was a shitty friend and wanted to be more, you didn’t reciprocate and she was upset about that. It sounds like she also had other friends who were older and into things you weren’t ready for. All sounds very normal for teens to me.


But your comments around her sexuality strike me as strange. It’s fair that you didn’t reciprocate if you don’t feel the way she does. But it’s not fair to judge her for being attracted to women. There’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever.


To be clear, I don’t condone the bullying. That definitely shouldn’t have happened and judge her all you want for that part.

 

[Stingray]

I’ve got to be honest, I’m confused. Maybe I need to read through it again. I understand that as teens she was a shitty friend and wanted to be more, you didn’t reciprocate and she was upset about that. It sounds like she also had other friends who were older and into things you weren’t ready for. All sounds very normal for teens to me.


But your comments around her sexuality strike me as strange. It’s fair that you didn’t reciprocate if you don’t feel the way she does. But it’s not fair to judge her for being attracted to women. There’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever.


To be clear, I don’t condone the bullying. That definitely shouldn’t have happened and judge her all you want for that part.

I am in no way opposed to her sexuality, she tried to impose on me at the age of 10 harmful habits and suppress my personal independence and my personal choice. Insulting me for having my own opinion, my own interests and desires. After going through these toxic relationships, I was worried about the girls who attracted her attention, as her views and ideas on relationships had not changed.It is about the influence of one person on another, and not in the context of defining and condemning someone's physical, sexual and spiritual orientation.

I’ve got to be honest, I’m confused. Maybe I need to read through it again. I understand that as teens she was a shitty friend and wanted to be more, you didn’t reciprocate and she was upset about that. It sounds like she also had other friends who were older and into things you weren’t ready for. All sounds very normal for teens to me.


But your comments around her sexuality strike me as strange. It’s fair that you didn’t reciprocate if you don’t feel the way she does. But it’s not fair to judge her for being attracted to women. There’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever.


To be clear, I don’t condone the bullying. That definitely shouldn’t have happened and judge her all you want for that part.

She taught me bad things, encouraged me to commit crimes, and I was constantly surrounded by adults with immoral and aggressive behavior. I could have been subjected to violence of any kind in such an environment. I was 10 years old at the time. And when I saw her behavior many years later...Nothing has changed, she still wants to build a relationship in which she fully controls a partner who will do only what she likes and needs alone, and the true desires and needs of the partner will not be taken into account. This is a form of psychological violence.

 

[Stingray]

I’ve got to be honest, I’m confused. Maybe I need to read through it again. I understand that as teens she was a shitty friend and wanted to be more, you didn’t reciprocate and she was upset about that. It sounds like she also had other friends who were older and into things you weren’t ready for. All sounds very normal for teens to me.


But your comments around her sexuality strike me as strange. It’s fair that you didn’t reciprocate if you don’t feel the way she does. But it’s not fair to judge her for being attracted to women. There’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever.


To be clear, I don’t condone the bullying. That definitely shouldn’t have happened and judge her all you want for that part.

Most of the girls who attended our mutual friend's birthday party were in the company of their boyfriends or husbands, including me. Her attention to the girls was open. Even polite answers that the girls were not free or not ready to reciprocate did not stop her, she became more persistent. We talked to her all the time so she wouldn't put pressure on anyone. We observed her motivation "I see the goal-I see no obstacles." When you leave a toxic relationship in the past and suddenly you meet an ex-partner who hasn't changed his behavior, watching him try to take control of someone again, you can't stay away. And it wasn't just my wish, everyone knows about her character and behavior, it's a group of childhood friends. We knew that she needed help, but we couldn't influence her to start therapy, her friends supported her in everything, but this requires her desire in the first place. As for non-traditional relationships, I have never been against them, since high school my friends have decided in which relationship they will be happy, and I have always supported them both in joyful and difficult days, but in no relationship have I met a consumer attitude, everyone sought to build a trusting, strong and happy relationship,they were dear to each other, they sought to get to know each other more and sought to compromise in order not to lose each other.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm very confused about what you're saying.

You went to a party and you were all policing an adults behaviour? That sounds quite bullying in itself. You're also making some judgements about her wanting to "get under skirts". If she wants to chat someone up, surely that's her business and not yours? I don't understand how you can get all this information about how she is living her life from a party. This party sounds horrendous! And if everyone is bitching/gossiping about everyone in this friendship network, jeez!

Being bullied and ( I think you're saying?) sexually harassed as a child is very difficult indeed.
Lots of people on this site have experienced bullying, sexual abuse in childhood.

What I'm confused about is your focus on her now?

Was seeing her triggering and is that what you're asking help for?


As an aside saying same sex relationships are 'non traditional' is showing some ignorance about people. Just because something seems 'non traditional' to you, doesn't make it non traditional. Us gay people have always been part of humanity and society. We're not as common as you straight people. But we're just as boring/traditional as you.

 

[OM_™]

It turned out later when she tried to seduce me, tried to teach me how to kiss and make love. I'm a traditional orientation and she knew about it. She knew I liked boys. Over time, she began to influence me, to influence my opinion and my interests, to force me to make choices and make decisions that would suit her. She took away my right to be an independent person.

I see 'tried to seduce' and 'tried to teach...'. It sounds as if you stopped her and set your boundaries or did she actually sexually abuse you?

There is quite a big difference between being a 10yo and a 14yo; they are important formative years. Is that what you were / still are struggling with?

You might want to investigate COCSA.