Friends

[Hope69]

I spent a chunk of my life trying to have a sense of family that I didn't have growing up. To say it didn't work out as desired is an understatement. Yet I'm grateful for my kids and mom.
Community and friendship have also been elusive. Friends come and go. And while friendships and community can be nurtured, theres no magic wand to make them appear. I think what I need to focus on is accepting that I may never have those things in the way I want. While I have friends, there is not a one I can talk about anything to. Testing the waters is a good idea, but so far venturing to close to trauma or tragedy has brought up defensiveness, arrogance, or simply a look of horror. And believe me, I haven't ventured far.
Perhaps one day I will feel very content with my own company.
One thing I have learnt is to listen carefully before judging. Not many people can do that. But I guess we all filter through our own experiences, and PTSD is one of those things that is hard to grasp if you haven't been there.
Anyway, I feel a bit disappointed tonight.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Welcome, Hope! I understand exactly what you're talking about. For most of my life, I had no understanding of why people feel this need to belong to something bigger than them.

I finally get it. Throughout my life, I had never experienced a community that fit my very sad and serious personality. And then I came here. People listened to me and understood, and for once, it felt like someone had my back. They shared their pain, their wisdom, and they accepted mine. After only a few months, I feel like I will always have a place here, and real friends. This is my community. My tribe. Our tribe. You've found your place. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome, Hope! I understand exactly what you're talking about. For most of my life, I had no unde...

Honestly I've never interpreted anything you've posted as an indication that you have a sad and serious personality. Given your username is it possible that this is an identity you've given yourself, perhaps as a defense mechanism, but isn't how the rest of the world sees you in the least? Or maybe you show that side of yourself to everyone else but you're more of your true self here?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Honestly I've never interpreted anything you've posted as an indication that you have a sad and s...

Eve, in the last year, my personality has changed dramatically. As a child, I was steeped in hopelessness and despair. Starting in my teens, I was overwhelmed by shame. That drove every aspect of my life. I was a prisoner to it. So, throughout my life, I felt dirty and ugly, and unworthy of anyone. There was a stained, grimy curtain between me and the rest of the world.