Getting found out.

[QuakerJoe]

Hi all
I hope this is the right section to post this in.

I have for the last 7 months or so have been volunteering as a Firefighter/EMT with my local department (about to finish fire academy!) I enjoy the work and enjoy the social side of it as well. However I have run into an issue that comes up every time I get in with a new group of people. Although my trauma was not sexual in nature I am extremely distrustful in relationships and as a result I have not had a real "intimate" relationship with anyone. I also don't like letting my guard down by getting drink (i do drink).

Naturally the fire department attracts its share of "macho" types, who I get along with well enough. Although I never talk about sex etc. (a popular topic with some). We have our banquet coming up which is really a big drinking event/ party. I am very anxious about this as I am afraid that my peculiarities will force me to stand out at this event and result in my getting "found out" both in the aspect of my "rough childhood" as I put it and my virginity. Although I trust many of these people to an extent this isn't something I am willing to put out there yet.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

Thanks!

 

[Still Standing]

Why can't you simply attend, as you? You don't owe anyone any explanation why you are there with or without a date. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, either. I think that is hugely admirable, in my book. You can choose to engage in conversations you enjoy and those you feel awkward with, you can nicely excuse yourself and go greet or talk with someone else. If you are concerned about revealing too much about yourself, I would suggest you limit yourself to one of two drinks and slow drink them throughout the night, so you have something to hold in your hand. If you are a talker once you get too much alcohol in you, monitoring it would be to your advantage. And personally, from what you shared, I read nothing that says you are weird. If you act normal, choose your conversations well, watch you drink intake, and choose who you want to spend your time around most...hopefully a person or group of people who are "safe", you should do well.

 

[Mach123]

I deal with it always although if I explained it I'd sound so opposite from you. You're lucky you can do it at all. I don't go to mens things. Your boundaries are what you are concerned about IMO and you're worrying about your drinking having an effect on that so I'd say don't drink. For me there are other drugs that make socializing 'tolerable'. I also hide behind my wife, God bless her! : ) I have been wanting to say for a long time how hard it is to deal with "these men." lol

 

[CatInTree]

People generally love talking about themselves.

Vague answers like "I'm single at the moment [no need to say how long the moment is if you don't want to]. Did you have fun at [insert recent event they've mentioned]?" have worked well for me in the past.

 

[Mee]

Designated driver ;) people aways like the designated driver.

But it sounds to me you are well balanced about it in a not well balanced situation. Drinking to drunk is NOT healthy physically nor mentally even thought we have come to see it as normal.

You can also consider it a health issue.

Re talking about sex having a few answers at hand in case you are questioned is possibly a good idea. my response would be about agency and privacy and delivered with a smile to show it was me not them.