Ghosts Spring Forth

[Bill Dickerson]

I was watching a documentary of the Korean war at Chosin. The film got to the description of the dead frozen in grotesque positions and of course they had video of this.

This triggered the Memory of handling dead children. I blew it off when I was doing so but it has come back to haunt me. I can still feel a warm body in the shroud and it's so against human nature to handle a baby in a plastic bag.

Still warm seems full of life just like holding your own kids when they were little. Placing them in a cooler seems so wrong leaving them alone seems so wrong. When they are cold and stiff it's different. They just feel like the shell that they were. That tugs at you too but you know they are out of pain and in a better place.

The anxiety just swept over me. It took all of my energy and I went and slept for about four hours. I hate the ones that sneak up on me. Seeming unrelated events trigger memories, feelings. I hate that.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Bill
I'm sorry you had to go through that experience, and that you are suffering from anxiety, memories and feelings from it.

You already survived it, now you have to deal with the aftermath. Wishing you some peace of mind and heart and soul.

 

[rainy_daze]

I'm not sure if you'll find this helpful or not Bill, but when I start having a memory/image/train of thought that has crept up on me suddenly (normally in an inappropriate place, like on a bus or somewhere) I try to remember where I am. I try to remember that whatever it is is not happening right there and then.

The event happened, it was awful , I still feel awful, I can remember it, but it is over (and as Gizmo said, you survived). I am not saying I am very good at this technique, but it can work. When the ghosts come back and try and haunt you, do everything you can to stop them before it sucks out your energy.

The only suggestion I have is to even say aloud (depends on where you are) where you are, what you feel, what you can see in the room. I find touching items helps, having my feet on the floor, trying to listen to what my body feels. Concentration on the present rather than the distressing images. It is exhausting, but sometimes you can catch yourself before the painful event takes over you.

What happened to you did happen, and I am not saying to block it out, but it sounds like you want the seemingly unrelated events to stop triggering you. I don't know how to stop the triggers, but I have at least one suggestion on how to stop the memory from overtaking you. Maybe you can adapt it if you found anything helpful in my suggestion. Take care.

<Edited - Added paragraph breaks for ease of reading.>