Girl At Work !!!!

[Mosaic]

I have the biggest sympathy for anyone suffering with any mental illness but this girl at work has just enraged me.
She is lazy, calls in sick, constantly swaps shifts so she can go out and get drunk and only gets off her phone to flirt with the boys who come in to workout.
She's been getting under everyone's skin, causing operations problems, leaving the gym in an absolute tip.
So she called in sick yesterday (after a night out, surprise suprise) and now announces today she's been signed off work for a week.
I spoke to her on the phone and she told me that she's been getting anxious at work and had a panic attack last Thursday (when I was working with her, she didn't) and that she's been given daily anxiety medication, she's got to go see a behavioural therapist and the Drs told her to have a week off for a "break" before she starts therapy.
Which I find strange as therapy doesn't come just like that.

I have had a pit in my stomach since she said this I am so angry.

As someone suffering from PTSD who came into work after an overdose, while being stalked, after slashing my wrist, after having to have the police and a paramedic called to calm me down, after being sexually assaulted, after my assaulter turned up at my place of work, IM MAD!
No one at work knows anything I've been through, they know nothing because that's the way I want it.
But what got me is she said "tell anyone who wants to know" after telling me why she's been signed off.
Are you kidding???

If she was being genuine I would be the first one there to help her but I know what she's like.

She could not have made me more distressed.
I had to vent before I burst!
I could cry right now.

 

[Casey_03]

Unless there's something you are leaving out or you know more about her than you are saying, it seems like you are being way too harsh on the girl. Even if she is getting drunk, she may be doing so to self-medicate. And if she deals with things differently than you did, that is not her fault. I get the feeling that the anger you feel is misdirected. Yes, it sounds like she is being frustrating and creating problems, but what makes you think there is not a genuine reason for this? It almost sounds like you're angry that she is getting attention whereas you chose not to seek attention. Also, you definitely went through hell and were very strong to keep going through it all, but not everyone is so strong.

 

[Chava]

I've had panic attacks at work that nobody saw. Involved dizziness, over-heating, my covering up by becoming motionless and over-focusing on something, taking my shoes off under my desk, going to the bathroom and putting my head down, whatever worked.

Anyway, so you think she is faking? Does it seem like she likes her life this way? Whatever the deal is, she doesn't sound like she is off the hook from struggling. You don't actually know what her deal is, do you? My colleagues know I have lots of pain stuff...maybe some question me because I don't act like I'm sick enough....because they don't actually know how many pain meds help me function. They don't know what my pain is about either.

What is this really about? Is it about her having some kind of struggle that others are aware of and she's being sort of coddled and nobody knows how much pain you've been through so you feel like it's unfair? If it's really about your pain, don't make it about judging hers, you know? (could change the intensity of the resentment). But I might be totally off base.

If she really is lazy and faking everything to get off the hook easily, no worries, it will catch up with her. That all being said, I've worked with a couple people who have completely pissed me off from time to time. Don't let the stress eat you up.

 

[The Albatross]

Your personalization is a red flag... and your disproportionate response/reactivity to a work situations is a big indication that you are out of balance.
You are a coworker... what she does/does not do is her own onus... unless of course you are her boss and are struggling internally for appropriate balance/levity?

 

[Kefira]

You don't actually know what her deal is, do you? My colleagues know I have lots of pain stuff...maybe some question me because I don't act like I'm sick enough....because they don't actually know how many pain meds help me function.

It almost sounds like you're angry that she is getting attention whereas you chose not to seek attention.

I think something else to consider is if you chose to tell people at work what was going on, how might they respond:

As someone suffering from Link Removed who came into work after an overdose, while being stalked, after slashing my wrist, after having to have the police and a paramedic called to calm me down, after being sexually assaulted, after my assaulter turned up at my place of work, IM MAD!
No one at work knows anything I've been through, they know nothing because that's the way I want it.

I don't know her, I don't know whether she's suffering or looking for an excuse. But I do know that people with mental illness get very good at hiding the depth of their illness. Your decision to keep your private life private is your own, but IF you were to tell people at work all of the above, do you think they might have a reaction along the lines of:

I spoke to her on the phone and she told me that she's been getting anxious at work and had a panic attack last Thursday (when I was working with her, she didn't)

Are there people who fake mental illness for attention? Yes. Is it a particularly good plan in the workplace? Given social stigma, no. If she's not being honest, it will eventually catch up with her and she's not your problem even if it's going to be a bit aggravating. If she IS being honest, then she's trying to reach out and to find a way to deal with what she's going through. And she's being pretty brave to be willing to speak to people if that's what she feels she needs to do, given the potential repercussions of disclosure. You don't owe her support, but you might examine why your first reaction is to invalidate her and to compare yourself to her.

 

[StarChild]

As someone suffering from Link Removed who came into work after an overdose, while being stalked, after slashing my wrist,

What does that mean, you came into work after an overdose and after slashing your wrists? Did you take the overdose and then went to work? And further, did you slash your wrist and then decided to go to work? Or were you first in the hospital for a certain time and after that time you went back to work?

@Mosaic, It would be very helpful, if you would clarify this. - As your post is confusing. Otherwise, people wouldn't have to ask you, "what this post is really about"...

 

[anonymous]

Your post hints at martyrdom. Do you want a round of applause for coming into work after slitting your wrists and denying your own self care?

 

[The Albatross]

Hmm. Thanks anonymous for the inflammatory rhetoric. Dependable to a fault. There's a difference between myth busting and demolition. Hope you find it.

 

[Anarchy]

Hmmm, yes..., the anonymous post presents an interesting exercise in interpersonal boundaries and causation. Is anyone going to make themselves upset because of it?

 

[The Albatross]

Not I, just an observation but to the opening poster, I hope not.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

If she's drinking to excess, then she doesn't sound like a happy person to me, more like one whose trying to block something out.

Anxiety and panic attacks are not only signs of PTSD, depression could be at the root of it. Most people will hide a mental illness and being overly flirty, chatty and generally being the life and soul of the party, are pretty well known tactics for hiding some quite serious problems.

 

[Mosaic]

She doesn't suffer from PTSD, and my anger does not come from the fact she's getting attention and I'm not.
As I said I have the biggest sympathy from people suffering from anxiety and will be the first one to give them advice and have offered to have a chat with her when she returns to work.
I know it's up to each person how much of their personal life they disclose at work but and has always been one who loves attention.

I think my main bug is she isn't taking it seriously.
And it's a serious thing.

I have a friend who has to go to live in London with her baby at some sort of centre because her symptoms are so bad, another whose behaviour is so erratic many people avoid her. It makes me think of people like them.

I dont appreciate the comments that I am annoyed because I want attention myself or because I'm jealous I didn't get time off or something, I chose not to and I'm not annoyed about not being recognised for keeping it quiet either.

I'm not calling her a liar because I have no right, I don't know that.
I can't even completely explain why this is upsetting me so much to be honest.

I think it's because now she's come out with this, I'm going over everything that I've battled with and still am, thinking about everyone I've lost and everything I've missed out on because of my PTSD crippling me and for whatever reason, her coming out with something close to me is just making me go "you have NO idea"

I'm not jealous, as I said in my thread, I had to vent and however my ranting came across, I'm suprised at these comments