Gone Forever

[jmni]

How do you accept and cope with the idea that someone you cared about is gone forever and will never be a part of your life again?

I could probably block this idea from my mind and force myself not to think of it. But I would like to accept it in the most natural and healthy way possible.

 

[Go Hungry]

I really don't know what to tell you. It can be really hard to let go of someone, but I found that what worked for me eventually was just putting them out of my mind and going about my daily business. If they popped back up again, I would just get busy getting busy. It surely beats thinking of them as all times. Ruminating over it is a terrible time-waster and it's never going to make them come back, only prolong the process of getting past it. Eventually it will change, as the weight of years and other concerns take more priority. But the waiting is the hardest part.

Hang in there...

 

[Caterpillar]

Go Hungry pretty much has the right of it. Thinking about them will just depress you and not bring them back. Spend more time with your friends. Make new friends. Work on hobbies or find new hobbies. Just find ways to pass the time and eventually the worst of the sting will go out of the loss.

 

[jmni]

I could block it out, forget it, and focus on the now. But if I squirrel away my memory then all of my feelings will get lost with it. Now that I know better how my brain works, I worry that one day every memory will re-emerge suddenly and bring the pain with it. I would rather face reality and the accept my fears and consequences of that now so that I am not haunted later.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Radical acceptance?

Have you gone through a grieving period or are you just in denial? I think that it is important to grieve the loss of someone, whether it be from death or the end of a relationship. Do you just push those feelings away and not allow yourself to feel them? If so, then I suggest allowing yourself to feel. If you are angry then feel angry; if you are sad then feel sad; and so on... I'm sorry if I'm not being very helpful.

 

[jmni]

@Solara
No, it is helpful. I guess I haven't allowed myself to grieve and am not sure even how to grieve. Any tips?

 

[Recovery4Me]

How do you accept and cope with the idea that someone you cared about is gone forever and will never be a part of your life again?

(((jmni))) awesome journey step.

But if I squirrel away my memory then all of my feelings will get lost with it

I am currently working on letting go by grieving some deeper injurious/ toxic parts within the name of love for my family and my relationships (be it with self love or love interest). I have worked on this theme many times (as I am older), with wonderful therapists through the years & various therapy techniques. Each style brought it's own reward for discovery of my compartmentalization. Emoting &/or feelings, afforded me the opportunity of grieving & acceptance while attempting to remap my triggers a little or dissipate the Flash Back duration: cleaning up my soul wounds.

This time, I am learning/practicing surrender (for small bits of time in a safe place) into those feeling(s) of my base-line fears of abandonment. I am trying to reintegrate some tender areas of love/loss or as you called it "gone for ever" into my awareness. I have my support team on stand by so to speak- if I need them.

I do self regulated mini-trigger practices on some of these needed areas of self-inventory. The process is unfamiliar/uncomfortable with many thoughts, emotions and feelings sometimes tumbling out at once. That is what I have been told is movement from being stuck or remaining a prisoner of my own inner critic (or my good little soldier that keeps my scary memories under control or lock up). Sometimes I may cry for a bit just from the intensity but sometimes it is passive quiet aha moments of reflections. Rarely (but it does occur) I have a FlashBack pattern emerge (they are sneaky at times).

I may not seem to do as well as I would like, so I try to self nurture my inner child (so to speak) and be there for her if the fear gets too intense. I accept it took time to get into these woods: I give myself equal time to find the path out. I have grounding methods for myself in place and try to remap/coach my rational parts to shake hands with my fear as I enter my layers of abandonment. :chicken: I still have quite a few pin feathers left but I am becoming more authentic with my vulnerability and realistic expectations of self and others.

What tips have I found that worked best so far for "my" grief?
*I gave myself permission to cry in order to help cleanse the wounds/area.
* I believe in due season, I will dissipate much of my unhealthy fear of abandonment
* I trust, believe in a Higher Power and have hope in healing/recovery
* I try to accept myself fully which in turns helps me to let go of warpy thinking- "should of's", "would of's" and those "could of's")

For me...I try to hold onto some of the good memories that partly made me who I am too, you know? Even with those family members or partners that I elected to go with 'no contact', I try to honor their good moments within my heart. It is a form of absorbing too for me while balancing the innate nature of our human condition...(for many) the ability to love. As for my deceased daughter that past long ago...(I hold her in a special place within my heart).

Thanks for asking. :hug: I am sorry for your loss- be it in a form of someone passing or a relationship loss... they are both painful and must be nudged into the acceptance of loss. Please be patient and kind to yourself in your process and in time... it will get easier.

Peace be with you.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

This happened to me today and I thought I'd share it.
I told my Christian friend on Facebook that I have an interview today and that I'm going to the doctor today. And he asked about my walk because he was curious about a ring I showed him. Apparently telling him the truth was too much for him, even as a Christian (I don't like telling people about my beliefs-I believe in most ALL beliefs and don't judge anyone on theirs.) as what I told him probably blew him out of the water.
I said, "The ring is part and parcel to my walk with Jesus." He asked what kind of ring that was and I said, "It is my call to be a laywoman for exorcisms (which is why I'm learning Latin)." Strike one and two.
"What is your doctor's appointment about? Your knee?" "No, I have PTSD."

Strike out big time and you know, I can't help but laugh at the ignorance this person showed. He asked the question and I told him the truth; why should I lie about my condition if he asked? I guess the way I look at this is a person who loves you and wants to be with you will accept you the way you are; screw ups, your past, everything. I know that it's sad but frankly, there are more important things out there besides ignorant people who can't accept you for you. If he choses to contact me, it's okay but if not, no loss to me. I have other things to do beside worry about people who are ignorant about PTSD and about what we've been through.