Sufferer Good morning, everyone! childhood trauma from borderline mother.

[Victory]

I found all of you in another one of my 3 am "feelin' like I'll never sleep again" blitzes. I'm a 62 year old gal who developed PTSD as a child at the hands of my Borderline Personality Disorder mother. Then 12 years ago my body started to give out. 21 doctors and 2 trips to Mayo later, I still don't have a diagnosis other than the possibility that a lifetime of PTSD has destroyed my health. I'm 10 years into CBT for trauma and have had EMDR, and continue to seek a "victory," one that I think joining this group will help me find.
Thank you for listening,
Victory

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Welcome to the neighborhood!! You've found a great space to land and help sort and support. Glad you decided to be a part of the community.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :hug:

 

[Teasel]

Afternoon :)
Welcome :)

 

[ladee]

Welcome! Despite the problems, love your energy!
Glad you found us and we are happy you are here, belonging to a club none of us ever wanted to join.
But here We are...gettin' better and never alone again.

 

[Victory]

Thanks everyone! I'm looking forward to not feeling alone anymore.

 

[Chem Lady]

Welcome Victory! You have stumbled upon a great place for support and information!
I identified with your story! I too had a BPD mom and a tough growing-up. My PTSD was precipitated pretty badly in my late 20's. but I had to fight within the medical system for 2.5years in order to get diagnosed. I found that the "delayed onset" part threw them for a loop and because my mom's abuse was emotional and sneaky, they just thought she was "mean spirited". But, now that I found this support group it has been confirmed for me over and over that the abuse that happened to me was traumatic enough because I have similar symptoms to lots of other people.
I sure hope you find some of those same confirmations and more!

 

[Raph]

I found all of you in another one of my 3 am "feelin' like I'll never sleep again" blitzes. I'm a 62 y...

you said you had EMDR? does this work? i keep reading about it.

also, i'm so sorry about what you went through my bio mom was horrible and i know how it feels to be at the receiving end of so much. i read her diaries about me when she died. dear god that was a mistake. internet hugs to you if you want them.

 

[Victory]

you said you had EMDR? does this work? i keep reading about it.

also, i'm so sorry about what you went th...

Thanks for the hugs, Raph. Hugs are always welcome here!
I did EMDR at least 3 times. It dulled the reactions enough that I could drive past her house without becoming ill for a few days. But then it started to wear off, and besides, why would I want to drive past her house? I found a different route to get to town.
For me, EMDR would have been more effective had I had a therapist I liked. EMDR can only be practiced by licensed therapist who has completed special training for it, so I had to see someone other than my regular therapist, and the EMDR practitioner was cold and arrogant. I used to get sick to my stomach just thinking about having to go in for my appointment. Yeesh, not the way to get help, let me tell ya...
On December 15, 2017, I had a modified Stellate Ganglion Block done by Dr. Eugene Lipov in Chicago and I highly recommend it. Insurance won't cover the procedure, so you'll have to save up if you want it done. The procedure is fast and painless, and the doctor's research assistant Greg is one of the nicest people on the planet! The procedure blocks a set of nerves that pump out adrenaline. It really helped me, but I am still working at the adjustment to not living on adrenaline. It's a journey, a good one, but still a journey. There's a Kindle book out about it. It's already dated, but it'll explain a lot more than I can. It's called "Exit Stategy For Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder - New Hope for War Fighters & Civilians Alike."
Oh, and we stayed at the Whitehall Hotel across the street. What a glamorous old place and the staff there are over the top! If you decide to have it done, be sure to bring along some change because you'll be a 1/2 block away from Chicago's Miracle Mile, with some of the nicest stores in the country!
The other thing I am researching right now is Paul McKenna's "The Havening Techniques" on You Tube. I've used Paul's stuff before and found him to be very effect. Good luck in all that you try. Please keep us informed of how things go for you. ~Victory

 

[Ditzo]

Thanks for the hugs, Raph. Hugs are always welcome here!
I did EMDR at least 3 times. It dulled the r...

In what way was the Stellate Ganglion block 'modified'?

 

[Victory]

In what way was the Stellate Ganglion block 'modified'?

According to his book, less of the drug is used and it is injected near a different vertebrae than the standard SGB. I did not discuss the details of the procedure with him in person because I had read his book then assumed that the procedure I experienced was the same as the one he described in his book, referred to as the "Chicago Block," a modified version of the SGB. Hope that helps.

 

[Starfish]

i am 64 and my body has been breaking down also and it is from cptsd, i know it in my bones. i am and always have been very healthy. My whole nervous system is all shakey and i hunch over. The pain radiates across my whole back. I can't tolerate much stimulation from people, audio, visual stuff. I need to lay in my bed and hear silence. Then i start to feel safe and am ready to "go face the world" until i crash and burn,which does not take long! I have sensed that this is what is left of me after a childhood, then a lifetime of trauma. So I haven't bothered to start having a bunch of tests done. I asked a physical therapist, who was helping me with shoulder pain, if emotions could cause the physical symptoms I was having and he said no. I did not believe him and i never went back.