Graduate With No Options :s

[Nighteyes]

Hello,
I am totally new to this forum but am glad to have found it.
I Have been Diagnosed with PTSD for years now. I was originally Diagnosed after being admitted to a psych ward in hospital after my umpteenth suicide attempts...(suprise suprise something else I failed at). Upon release after a month, I avoided treatment. I didnt want to deal with my past and the things that lay there to hunt me.
Anyway, I attened College to become a Respiratory Therapist. I had a horrable attendance recoard, not only because of depression and anxiaty and the likes, but other family obligations etc. Upon entering my Clinical year (hosptial job fyi for those who have no Idea what and RRT is) I descovered I was pregnant. Was 100% unhappy about the situation, and I really allowed my depression and hatchrid of the situation to pritty much destory all the good in the clinical situation. I ended up being taken out of clinical (Thanks to PTSD and H1N1 as it was a trauma hospital with loads of Patients with H1N1) and returned after having my child. I returned to 12 hr shifts (working for free) breastfeeding (meaning having to pump during clinical) and completed my Remaining time. I graduated 2nd from the top of my class, and even wrote my registry exam and passed without any studying envolved.
After a few months (i graduated in April 2010) I begain my job search... and have failed misserably at it. I know the RRT community is small... and everyone knows someone. And thanks to my crappy atttendance record...I cant get a fing job... something I NEED!!! not only for financal reasons but for my sanity. I am not the mothering type. I am not the person to stay home and take care of a baby, i need work..I need to be accopmlishing something, I need the major distraction, and I find myself slipping into severe depression with those oh so horrable thoughts thanks to not having my career underway.
I feel as though I am being punished for having a mental health issue and a family of course...
I feel a failure....
The career hunt in Ontario is a dud, however I cant just up and leave when I have a family to look after and think about....
All that stress on top of the MANY issues I have with regards to PTSD.... and you have a basket case on your hands...
I used education for years as a destraction, and know my career would be a great one too..but I cant seem to break into it...
and really I dont know what to do anymore...
Has anyone ever been in any kind of simular situations? had any kind of results etc?
I find its so challenging to stay positive even on the best of days yet along while career hunting for something I dont see ever happening.
I seriusly think my 3 years of education are for nothing. sigh.

 

[curiouser]

I find its so challenging to stay positive even on the best of days yet along while career hunting for something I dont see ever happening.

How can you expect to have a career if you're not open to the possibility of it happening?

Don't be so quick to put yourself down. If you focused on your successes, instead of your so called failures, you'd see that you are far from being a failure.

Anyone who can have as much stuff as you had going on with your PTSD and having a child but still manages to achieve their goal of graduating school, second from the top of their class no less, is certainly no failure. I bet if some of your fellow students had been put in a similar situation, some of them wouldn't have been able to accomplish what you did.

You set your mind to a goal and no matter what else was going on in the background, it didn't stop you from achieving it. Any employee that can get the job done, regardless of big distractions, to me sounds like someone worth taking a chance on. Maybe the next time you're in an interview and you could point this out, specially if the whole attendance record thing comes up.

While it's good to take breaks from our issues and try not to let our lives be consumed by them, it's still important to work on them or else they will still remain the same, distraction after distraction, possibly even causing more stress because we're not dealing with them.

I find myself slipping into severe depression with those oh so horrable thoughts thanks to not having my career underway.

Is it the lack of career causing the severe depression, or is it you because you can choose how you feel and react regardless of the things that happen in your life?

Sending positive thoughts that you land a job soon and can start your career.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

I absolutely agree with curiouser. You definitely need to talk yourself up, focus on getting the training you need, and get excited about finding the right job opportunity. I noticed in your post that you put a lot of blame for your shortcoming on PTSD, being sick, family obligations, and the like. I know you probably feel scared, depressed, overwhelmed, and anxious as anything, but you have to own up to the mistakes you have made. You can have PTSD and still be a hard-working and capable person worth having a solid job. Don't hide behind the disease when it comes to finding work. You need to stand up and be strong! Don't let this disease own you, define you, and limit all opportunities and possibilities you have. The world is your PB&J (because I think oysters are really nasty), take hold of the reins, pop those anxiety pills in, and seize the day! You can do it! :)

 

[Powder]

I hear your frustration. I felt the same, like a failure, just because I didn't achieve an instant, perfect job right out of grad school, even though I know that is rarely possible. Do you think you are rushing, pushing to hard and fast, when a baby is a lesson in slowing down and really being present? I know it's hard but you may need to learn the lesson before the universe allows you to move on. But I do encourage you to have a positive, "it will happen when it should and sooner than I think" attitude and to keep assertively going for each and every position you feel has something to offer you.

Can I be honest about something I didn't like? I have a very hard time reading "I'm not the mom type." What is the "mom type?" If you are a mom, you are a mom. There is no type other than one you are making in your own head. You need to be proud of yourself as a mom/family member with responsibilities therein and also as a person with training and who can find meaningful work in the larger world with others outside the home. You are entirely capable of all of it, but striking a balance that works for you and not against you and your family is the challenge. And PTSD is not a leg up in finding the balance inside or out. But it is a challenge we can manage along with all the rest. I doubt you meant it that way, but it reads like your priorities are not fully clear yet. A distraction is not something that will help you or your family long-term. It is an escapist attitude in the post. But I fully and truly understand the need for some escapism and distraction; I just think a movie or book or something you can balance is a better form or escape for a couple hours rather than a full-time escape. Running away is not an achievement you will feel proud of later.

Being a dedicated parent is, in my humble opinion, much more difficult and important than being able to find a great job or career path. Lots of terrible people I do not admire have climbed a corporate ladder. But none of them have kids who admire them and want to be like them or even around them. Some of my most "successful" friends have set their success aside to focus on their child(ren) and feel very fulfilled by that lifestyle. I admire them.
The few funerals I have gone to have shown me that the sense of love the survivors feel about the person is far more compelling than the list of their activities and successes. The true success in life is loving and being loved. Sacrifices you have made for others is a major ingredient in what you can offer them and your own self esteem.

Being a mom is really hard sometimes, and with PTSD, it can be so hard without support. You are going to do just fine if you remember what is important and get all the help you can to focus on it.

Take care,
Muse

 

[anthony]

I would say, keep looking, don't give up... even look abroad if you never considered that option. Also look at private business... can you start your own? Does the market exist for your qualification? Etc...

 

[Powder]

Yes, I agree. Anthony is pointing out the fact that when it appears we have "no options" what is true is that we are not seeing options, not that they don't exist. There are always options. The trick is to locate your strength, dig deep, and you will find them in that positive light.
That's why I pointed out the darkness I saw in your post to show you that you gotta find the good in you in all areas first in order to find yourself and grow that. You can do it! You are very strong!

 

[Xibalba]

I do some consulting work in this area, specific to Medicare. Under Medicare guidelines and current law, providers of home medical equipment (such as CPAP, BIPAP, Oxygen and other respiratory devices) must become accredited to work with Medicare, and accreditation requires each company to have on staff an RT to manage their respiratory programs. Because these companies are typically small, they cannot hire a full time RT, so they contract this role out to independent consultant RT's. You just have to show up a few times a month at each client, look over their patient files and make sure they are properly serving their respiratory clients. It would require travel, but the client would pay for all that. Might be an option. Search for DMEPOS (durable medical equipment, prosthetics, orthotics and supplies) companies in your area and perhaps send a letter introducing your services. You'd be paid as a 1099 employee, so would be responsible for your own taxes, etc. But there might be good money in it, and there are a lot of companies needing this service... especially since it's mandated by law.

(UPDATE: just noticed you are in Canada. The Medicare rules I am talking about apply only to US companies, of course. But there is nothing stopping a properly trained RT from Canada from serving US companies.)

 

[Powder]

Ohhh, A fellow Mayanist? I am studying Palenque on my own...really interesting in the writing, architecture, culture, religious myth, all of it!!!