Hello,
Sorry this is going to be a bit rambling, little sleep the last few days. Lots of mental distress associated with starting a journal, and trying to remember stuff to write it down and put it in a accurate timeline. I found Anthony's civilian PTSD forum from googling, then this one from there.
Not entirely sure if I belong on this side of the PTSD forums (saw a refereance for this froum from, and I am new member of Anthony's civilian PTSD forum). I'm retired/disabled U.S. Navy vet. 20yrs E-6 aviation community, First 12 years AIMD and last eight F/A 18 squadrons. 2 war cruises, gulf 1 & 2, with two combat cruises between. What do I meen combat cruise? Operation Desert Fox and this is a bit foggy for me, trying to reconstruct timeline of second cruise. I "think" we bombed Irans oil platforms on that cruise, but I will have to get out my cruise book in the coming weeks, and do some googling to make sure. I don't want to lay claim to something we didn't do. I spend so much time churning things over in my head, things get messed up. Writing my journal and googling dates has already sorted some of the timeline out, remembered some things, and realized... no, some things were falsly internalized. I have diagnosed PTSD, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), major depression, fibromyalgia, diabeties. I was recently awarded 70% for anxiety. and my 30% for diabetes and BP got reduced to 10% for a total of 80% disablility. I am going to contest the recent 70% because they didn't recognize my PTSD, which I don't blame them for. I was unable to submit the paperwork because of my anxiety. I am also going to submit for fibromyalgia because it has progressed from an unknown sorce of pain when I was active duty to "oh my *$*#@ it hurts", with noise hypersensitivity, and hearing loss. Noise hypersensitivity AND hearing loss you ask?!? High frequencies mostly, any repetitive noise like a electric motor, someone clicking a pen, my keyboard as I type, when in a crowded room, I can't filter out the person talking to me over ALL the other noises. When it's bad, it can easily overwhelm me and send me into a panic attack. Just within the last week did I find out that the noise hypersensitivity is probably my fibromyalgia. I kept trying to assosciate it with my PTSD which didn't quite fit.
The reason I'm not sure if I belong to this community is that I wasn't "on the sands and in the streets, or in the jungle". I worked "safely" on my ship. First gulf war, almost daily SoDamned Insane would send his jets as low and fast as they could go to the "no fly zone" and abort at the last second. We were told that if they were to break the no fly zone and fire thier missiles we would have aprox six min from launch to impact. I didn't trust our countermeasures. We were also told that SoDamned Insane had nuclear, chemical and biological weapons which you don't have to hit a bullseye with.
Last cruise was second gulf war. Once again we were told that SoDamned Insane had and this time would most likey use his nuclear, chemical and biological weapons as this time it was to take him out. He had nothing to lose.
There is a whole lot more to my story, but for an intro, it's just TMI (too much info).
So, that's me in a very loose summary. So, if I'm at the right place, I hope to get to know those of you who welcome me. If I'm not at the right place, I wish you the best. I thank you for your service. I hope only the best for you and those in your lives.
Sorry this is going to be a bit rambling, little sleep the last few days. Lots of mental distress associated with starting a journal, and trying to remember stuff to write it down and put it in a accurate timeline. I found Anthony's civilian PTSD forum from googling, then this one from there.
Not entirely sure if I belong on this side of the PTSD forums (saw a refereance for this froum from, and I am new member of Anthony's civilian PTSD forum). I'm retired/disabled U.S. Navy vet. 20yrs E-6 aviation community, First 12 years AIMD and last eight F/A 18 squadrons. 2 war cruises, gulf 1 & 2, with two combat cruises between. What do I meen combat cruise? Operation Desert Fox and this is a bit foggy for me, trying to reconstruct timeline of second cruise. I "think" we bombed Irans oil platforms on that cruise, but I will have to get out my cruise book in the coming weeks, and do some googling to make sure. I don't want to lay claim to something we didn't do. I spend so much time churning things over in my head, things get messed up. Writing my journal and googling dates has already sorted some of the timeline out, remembered some things, and realized... no, some things were falsly internalized. I have diagnosed PTSD, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), major depression, fibromyalgia, diabeties. I was recently awarded 70% for anxiety. and my 30% for diabetes and BP got reduced to 10% for a total of 80% disablility. I am going to contest the recent 70% because they didn't recognize my PTSD, which I don't blame them for. I was unable to submit the paperwork because of my anxiety. I am also going to submit for fibromyalgia because it has progressed from an unknown sorce of pain when I was active duty to "oh my *$*#@ it hurts", with noise hypersensitivity, and hearing loss. Noise hypersensitivity AND hearing loss you ask?!? High frequencies mostly, any repetitive noise like a electric motor, someone clicking a pen, my keyboard as I type, when in a crowded room, I can't filter out the person talking to me over ALL the other noises. When it's bad, it can easily overwhelm me and send me into a panic attack. Just within the last week did I find out that the noise hypersensitivity is probably my fibromyalgia. I kept trying to assosciate it with my PTSD which didn't quite fit.
The reason I'm not sure if I belong to this community is that I wasn't "on the sands and in the streets, or in the jungle". I worked "safely" on my ship. First gulf war, almost daily SoDamned Insane would send his jets as low and fast as they could go to the "no fly zone" and abort at the last second. We were told that if they were to break the no fly zone and fire thier missiles we would have aprox six min from launch to impact. I didn't trust our countermeasures. We were also told that SoDamned Insane had nuclear, chemical and biological weapons which you don't have to hit a bullseye with.
Last cruise was second gulf war. Once again we were told that SoDamned Insane had and this time would most likey use his nuclear, chemical and biological weapons as this time it was to take him out. He had nothing to lose.
There is a whole lot more to my story, but for an intro, it's just TMI (too much info).
So, that's me in a very loose summary. So, if I'm at the right place, I hope to get to know those of you who welcome me. If I'm not at the right place, I wish you the best. I thank you for your service. I hope only the best for you and those in your lives.
