Sexual Assault Gynecologist appt tomorrow, sos

[Lelers]

Hi!

Soo, basically I’m losing my mind because tomorrow I’m going to the gynecologist for a Pap smear/pelvic exam. I’ve never been before, in fact, somehow I’ve managed to avoid even non-invasive physicals for over a decade. I have a long history of sexual abuse and assault so everything about the whole concept of the exam is extremely anxiety-inducing for me.

Does anyone have any advice about how to minimize anxiety around this? Any other survivors who've been super freaked out about the gyno but survived the appointment? What helped?? And should I bring up my sexual trauma history with the doctor?/how do I go about doing that?

Thanks so much for any advice!! I realize I’m asking this question on such short notice- so anything you’ve got is appreciated!

 

[Swift]

Hi!

Soo, basically I’m losing my mind because tomorrow I’m going to the gynecologist for a Pap smea...

Hey there.
Dunno how much help I'm gonna be since the last time I went to a gyno (not even for an exam) I threw up in her pot plant, lol.
Can you tell her that you have a history of assault and abuse, or is it in your file or something? It's a good thing for them to know to help make you as comfortable as you can be, and understand what to do if you freak out.

Just remember the fact that you're actually going is huge! Like, it's amazing. You are so strong and brave and resilient, it's just incredible that you're going.
I hope it doesn't trigger your PTSD too badly, but if it does, that's okay and your brain is just trying to keep you safe the best way it knows how. (Unfortunately, my brain is an idiot occassionally).
I try to remember that doctors are people too, I'm not the first or the last patient they've ever seen with my history. A vagina to them is about as loaded as a Photoshop file to me, at work. They're looking at it academically, trying to see if everything's okay medically, using their training and their expertise. People pay me to do their graphics, I (could) pay someone to look at my vagina the same way my car needs servicing.
I'd recommend that you do something nice for yourself afterwards, and be super-gentle with yourself.

You can do it! We're rooting for you.
And if you can't, or something goes wrong, that's okay too. You're trying to do a really really hard thing.
Let me know how it goes.

 

[EveHarrington]

Take a benzo beforehand? (I’m hoping you have a script.)

 

[bellbird]

@Lelers I have been sitting here for the last 10 minutes since reading your post in total admiration of how amazing and brave and strong you are. I definitely agree with @Swift about letting them know (if you are able) your history- so they're able to make the situation as comfortable as possible for you.
I don't have any real advice on how to go about doing that, as I'm still putting off my appointment and so I haven't got to that point yet myself. But I don't imagine they would need to know many details, just that such assaults have happened and you are subsequently (and understandably) feeling anxious about going through the gyn exam.
Often I find (relating to all aspects of life) if I'm able to (easier said than done, I know) let people know about my anxiety, it removes the *omg what if they notice that I'm anxious* anxiety, because they straight up know about it already.

I hope the appointment goes well, and I hope you can recognise how brave you are:)

 

[Lelers]

Hi! Thanks everyone! I made it!! Not gonna lie, it was really nerve-racking, and at one point I definitely considered running away lol. Might’ve slightly started to dissociate briefly. But only briefly!

I think it helped that I told my gyno about my CSA history, so she certainly was aware of my anxiety. Also, she was formerly a therapist prior to becoming a doctor, so that helped a lot! And, my therapist actually recommended her to me.

For anyone considering going, I’d say bring a friend and a lot of Ativan for support! (That’s my opinion).

Thanks for all the replies! :)

 

[Swift]

Well done! That's amazing work!

 

[bellbird]

Awesome stuff @Lelers ! What an accomplishment! :)