Has A Date Ever Pushed You To Do Something You Didn't Want To?

[Lakaci]

I haven't been raped or done anything sexual I didn't want to. I have however been kissed against my will. I know I know pretty tame stuff on a forum like this where people have horrible stories. It's not the kissing that bothered though. It was the fact that I did not stand up for myself.

I was a first date and we went to the movies. He leaned to kiss me and I told him I don't kiss on the first date. Well he didn't take no for an answer and held my face and well you know how a kiss goes. Not only did I not stop him but I actually used my best kissing techniques. He actually complimented me. It's weird how I didn't want to do but once he started I didn't want to disappoint him by not being any good.

This is so unlike me. I just am afraid that when I am alone with a guy I react the same and maybe be pushed to do something further. Not with this guy. I blocked his number after the date and vowed to never see him again. I don't trust my reactions.

 

[Cucepe]

This is a perfectly normal reaction to a traumatic exposure incident. Even though you admit to not being raped, ths simplke fact that you were kissed against your will can trigger this kind of emotional response.

The fact that you did not choose this course of action negates nothing! IMHO!

A soldier (Like myself) chooses consciously to sign up and face the proverbial "Bullet". Just like a rape victim, which I also am never chooses to be raped, you did not choose to be assaulted physically in this manner !

NO victim of any abuse like this is any less of a sufferer than I am, at the end of the day Cancer is Cancer!, regardless of which particular strain you or I have, Therefore PTSD is PTSD regardless of traumatic exposure.

 

[Wuvapi]

Apols had not realized this was on the anon forum, I the above mentioned member @cucepe am in fact Member Mr Laurie, I am more than happy to identify myself and be as out spoken and brutally honest as I have been!

 

[Lakaci]

Oh my ptsd didn't come from this incident. That's not what I meant. I witnessed a violent crime and got ptsd from that.

 

[Lakaci]

I meant that I don't trust myself to say no to a man in private. I am young and newer to dating.

 

[Tihav]

Regardless of how your initial DX came about, this incident has triggered a sub-conscious emotional trauma memory in you, I mean only to re-iterate that you should never demean your symptoms, this is a totally normal reaction with PTSD Sufferance.

Mr Laurie

 

[Ici]

Well, kissed against your will is pretty much sexual assault.

That it wasn't the capital T trauma doesn't mean it wasn't trauma.

 

[Obe]

Well, kissed against your will is pretty much sexual assault.

That it wasn't the capital T trauma doesn't mean it wasn't t...

Exactly my point, Laurie

 

[Fuba]

I don't trust myself to say no to a man in private.

But you noticed this and that's important. You have time to work on yourself, and while you are uncertain go on the side of caution and don't go to his/your room on your own, unless you do mean to stay. Even if you think you know the guy well. I have more than one time when guys were pushy, it happens, and still you're lucky if they are pushy but still know to stop. But it can be unpleasant and messy, and it can still play with your mind even if it doesn't end up anything close to rape. So I would suggest you just stay away from putting yourself in that situation for a while, unless you're sure.
When I first started dating, I had this time when me and a guy were watching a movie in his place, alone(during the day, but still)...and mind you, apparently that's a universal code for guys that this means you'll sleep together- happened to me more than once that that was the assumption. But I was young at the time, and that was a second date, pretty much and I really didn't think it would be anything beyond watching a movie and kissing. And then in the middle of the movie we start making out, and he got really pushy, and suddenly wouldn't stop no matter what I said, and kind of cornered me...And he was acting like nothing I said reached him at all. It was disturbing. And when I would ask him to stop, kinda obviously panicked, he'd laugh and ask me why...I was too panicked to figure out a reason.
He finally stopped when I told him that I'll leave and go to my place if he doesn't hear me. I should have left at that point, but for 10 min more I stared blankly at the movie pretending to watch and freaking out inside, not knowing what to do. Finally I left, and he started getting pushy in asking me to finish the movie to prove we are okay again, and I was already freaked out, so I lied and said we are okay and we'll see each other again. Started avoiding him/his calls after and eventually met him in person to talk and break up. He was sort of stalkish for a while after that so it was a good call to end things. But still that whole situation, most of the time, I had no clue what to do. It was scary, even though nothing really happened to actually harm me.

 

[Ulije]

But ...

That was my post, not sure why it showed anonymous since I am signed in.

 

[Ovu]

@Fuba, we're in an anonymous forum, everything gets anonymized here ;)

 

[Oguni]

At the end of the day, no person be they male or female has the right to overstep the boundaries, even when someones intentions are unclear.

In the simplistic of views, if I day "NO!" I mean f*cking "NO!"

This gut has acted in a reprehensible manner and a disgusting manner towards you and deserves to be outed as a sexual predator.

Mr Laurie