General Has Anyone Felt The Need To Just Stop

[Marinewifey]

Hello everyone.

First off let me say what a help this forum has been and just found it today.


My husband is the sufferer and I'm the carer. I love my husband very very much, but when he gets in his "funks" he is verbally abusive towards me and talks down to me, and he is unintentionally physically abusive to me

He's not out to beat me or anything like that but he will go into one of his rampages and while he's destroying our house he will throw something and it will hit me but he wasn't throwing it at me. I hope that makes sense to everyone.


Moving one to my original thought, when he's throwing his fit and destroying everything and destroying what self esteem I have left, I get to the point where I just look at him and think that there's no hope, and he's never going to get better or at least to get back to being "OK". and I want to be there for him and support him but its hard and I'm so madly in love with him but theres only so much I can take


When I met him he was a completely different person and we were madly in love and now its seems to be nothing like it was. He went to war and came back a different man


I just want to know if anyone else felt like giving up?. And how did u get past it?


I know its a lot to take it and I'm so sorry for rambling, just flustered I guess.

 

[goingonhope]

When i met him he was a completely different person and we were madly in love and now its seems to be nothing like it was. he went to war and came back a different man

Marinewifey, does it only seem to be nothing like it was, or is it indeed nothing like it was?

i just want to know if anyone else felt like giving up? and how did u get past it?

Yes, have felt like giving up when being repeatedly being abused (and / or) neglected, and how I got past it was through much suffering and forgiving, ...and forgiving, ...and forgiving, ...and suffering, ...and forgiving.

There has to be enough willingness and time on one's hands to do such.


Hope

 

[JSTANLEY]

I have only been dealing with this for a short time, but it does cross my mind that it would be so much easier to give up. But I also think about the good times, and if the shoe was on the other foot, would he give up on me? If he had cancer or another terminal illness would I give up? I don't to make you feel badly for your feelings, as I definitely have had them and it isn't nice.
I definitely agree with goingonhope, alot of forgiveness is required ALOT, and although it feels like there are more downs than ups, I take each moment of the up times and enjoy them to the fullest instead of wondering when the ride is going to end, and start to go back down again.
You need to remind yourself that you need to also take care of you, as it can be very exhausting to deal with. You need to keep your strength not only for yourself but also to be there for him.
By the sounds of things (I have only read the above post) you have had a tough go so far but good for you for being such a great spouse.
Great job!

 

[Marinewifey]

Thanks for the help

it really isnt like it used to be. he is truly a different person.

im sure not treating the ptsd is a big part of the problem. he was Diagnosed with it over a year ago and he refuses to admit that he has it. i think that might be a pride thing. and i think he thinks it is a cop out to admit (in the military) he has it.

 

[2quilt]

You are right that the military instills the idea into soldiers and marines and all military people to hold feelings inside and deny injury, deny pain, especially emotional pain. They come up with bullying names like "Profile king" and wussy and calling men ladies and babies and 'another term for sexual impotence', to deter them from admitting that they need help acknowledge that there is a problem, and deter them from seeking help, even when they need it badly to stay sane.

If you can get him to sit still, tell him that you understand that he needs help with PTSD, give him something to read that lists the symptoms, and if he refuses to get help on base, get him books on PTSD to read in private, and tell him you are with him, supporting him no matter what. Also tell him if he is hearing you, that you have boundaries on what you will tolerate violence toward you, the kids, any people, or the house. Even tho we have PTSD, we know what is allowed and what is not; we are responsible for our actions.