Relationship Having a bad day

[Justmehere]

You got this! :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe look into codependency?

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Justmeher, big hugs!

EveHarrington. There’s definately an element of that. He’s been through a lot of childhood abuse, mostly verbal and still on going so it does show in his attachment style.. I know I’ve got difficulties with attachment too

 

[EveHarrington]

I meant look into codependency for yourself as a fixer.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Right @EveHarrington. I realized that after I wrote my comment lol. I’ve got some of the traits I read about.
Comes naturally to me,wanting to help. Not sure why? My mother is the same.. always likes to make everyone happy and help them.. could be that? Nonetheless. Very worth looking in to

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

I WhatsApp messsged him a while back to check what he is up to.
Very cold and short answers from his part.
He is having a meal with a friend. But usually even then I’d get quite elaborate replies from him.

It did hurt. He’s definitely giving me the cold shoulder at times for the past few days. However. I’m gonna keep positive and grateful. Gonna keep giving him space. If he wants to be cold, that’s fine... not gonna think in to it too much. Just writing down my thought processes here cause it helps! I’m gonna start writing a journal too

 

[Freida]

I’m keeping myself from checking in to see if he is ok!! I really wanna check and make sure he is but I gotta let him handle it!

Good girl!!! and I know its killing ya!

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

I did try and speak to him about 6 h after our conversation. See my post above ^ he wasn’t too pleasant but I’m not gonna let it get to me!

 

[Freida]

yea - I saw.... it was after I had already answered. And yep - you are doing the right thing by keeping it out of your life! His issue vs your issue....... So I still say good job!

 

[Justmehere]

It's all about making progress, and you are doing a great job of it! As you begin to say no, set boundaries, and stay in the limits of what you can do, he may not like it all. He probably got used to you being his fixer. If he gets upset, try to not see it as a sign of failure, but an expected sign that you are making a healthy change, and this is part of the process for him and you to both heal.

Keep up the good work!

Just writing down my thought processes here cause it helps! I’m gonna start writing a journal too

Check out the Link Removed section of the forums. Online or offline, a lot of people find journaling very helpful.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Thank you all. I’m remaining calm and positive. Think it reflected in my dreams lol I had really happy dreams where as usually I have upsetting ones.

Something strange though, I spoke to him this morning and he said that we had on Friday made plans to go for dinner on Saturday.

Our conversation honestly went like this:
Him: what’s your plans for Saturday evening?
Me: I’m not doing much as far as I know
Him: oh okay.

But according to him he said ‘I’ll study all day on Saturday and in the evening we can go out’

Honestly, I can’t remember this at all!

 

[Freida]

ok -- that made me laugh! I do that all the time to hubby -- have entire conversations in my head and then swear he was part of it. Or have conversations with him and then forget. It makes him crazy. Why do I do it? Doc says its a stress thing