Well, you are looking at FAR off goals of how you might be someday. That is ok, you can get there, but also, just take things step by step. You have been through hell, just be patient with yourself, if you work on it healing will come over time, just keep making healthy decisions and learning more about yourself. In the meantime, be patient with yourself, try and really exaggerate self praise about your progress, it might seem forced cus you still feel like you have so far to go, but still practice congratulating yourself for the steps you have taken, such as cutting off contact with your family, that is a huge step.
You said you feel defined by the truama, that is an important thing to notice, but, maybe just accept it as the truth FOR NOW. If you were abused your whole childhood, you never had a time to get to know yourself and develop a sense of self. I have largely healed my PTSD, but I am working now to get to know myself and find out who I am as a person and what kind of life I want to lead. You will get there someday, but first you must heal the truama.
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. You didn't deserve it, you deserved love and happiness, I am sure of that.
You said you feel defined by the truama, that is an important thing to notice, but, maybe just accept it as the truth FOR NOW. If you were abused your whole childhood, you never had a time to get to know yourself and develop a sense of self. I have largely healed my PTSD, but I am working now to get to know myself and find out who I am as a person and what kind of life I want to lead. You will get there someday, but first you must heal the truama.
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. You didn't deserve it, you deserved love and happiness, I am sure of that.
