I’m in a similar situation. My guy (combat ptsd) and I had a very intense emotional relationship for two years and as it progressed he started refusing to see me. I know for a fact it’s not about another woman - he’s just incredibly scared of the emotions involved In all this.
I finally had to put my foot down about it. And I’m not sure if it was the right or wrong thing, but after begging to see him for months and him refusing, and the heartache I feel not being able to see him, and the craziness I feel thinking he could keep us apart forever, I just had to. He flipped out and blocked me. We haven’t spoken in a month.
I read an article that framed it perfectly: “enabling looks a lot like loving.” He has ptsd, its untreated, and if it remains untreated his behavior will remain the same. I can’t live in the computer with him. You’re enabling this guy to have all the love and reassurance of a girlfriend without having to do his share of a relationship.
I stayed so long because I thought that creating a safe environment for him was critical, and because I was scared the ptsd would prevent him from responding to my absence the way a healthy man would. That the PTSD would allow him to easily forget me or remain angry with me or convince himself he had been abandoned. But I got to the point where I just couldn’t put myself through that anymore and really had to see myself as an enabler. I’ve read lots of entries where the men never come back. I’ve also read of men that hit rock bottom because they lose a love and decide to get the help they need. I pray for the latter, but anticipate the former. What’s meant to be will be. I made sure that my message to him was clear before I left: I love you and will always be here for you, but you have to be willing participant in this also.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My friends would make comments about how our relationship was minimal because there wasn’t any recent physical intimacy, but the truth is the emotional intimacy is so much more. It’s been incredibly difficult for me because I am genuinely losing a best friend. But I still believe creating a firm boundary is the right thing to do.
Would love to hear from a sufferer.
