He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

[Melmonte]

Hi everyone. I am new to this site and have found out so much about PTSD so thanks in advance. My husband who I have been with for 13 years and married for 10 years just came home one day a month ago and said "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not happy" I said you're not happy with what? He later states that he hasn't been in love with me for years. So weird because just two days before he was such a happy man! We had a normal day we were even intimate (initiated by him) and everything seed fine! Then the next morning he was extremely depressed. The week following is when he stated that he's not in love or the bond is gone. There is no other woman. I know that for a fact. He's already staying with a friend who also suffers from PTSD and is trying to get him to start some meds and is now talking about getting an apartment so he can have the kids visit him. How does he go from being completely normal and happy one day to not having ANY feelings for me the next? I don't understand. :(

He also says that "I am the perfect wife and I have done nothing wrong. I have fought for him for years and it's time to let him go"

I finally persuaded him to seek help. He says he's doing it for the kids and not me. He LOVES to emphasize that. And he is home every day to visit the kids but totally gives me mixed messages! He does little things for me all the time and says he will do anything for me and will FULLY supporte financially. Everything will basically remain the same except he will live in an apartment and we will share custody of our children.

If I'm so "perfect" how could he be so unhappy with me? And the mixed messages? I don't know I'm just so confused!!

I know in my heart he loves me. We JUST bought a house and were only a few weeks ago talking about how we would remodel and build equity to buy our dream home for our FUTURE. Now I feel totally lost.

I continue to pray that he will open his eyes and seee again. I'm just so lost and angry and everything all at once.

Do I continue to pretend I'm happy for his sake? How should I act with him? It's weird because I can see him switch "characters" sometimes and it weirds me out!

I don't know who this imposter is but I would like my husband back. Is he lost for good? He has both depressed and manic episodes and isn't sleeping badly at all these days. You would think if this is what he truly wanted he would be SO happy! But he's depressed and says its because he feels bad for the kids. This is a man who is ALL about fily. And to just throw it all away at a whim is just confusing to me. I'm just so hurt. Any advise? Sorry for any typos my phone is acting up.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Welcome to the site Melmonte.

I'm just so hurt

I am so sorry for your pain and to me (other members may feel different) yours and the children's pain are the most important part of your story. :hug:'s if you accept them. Separation of a union is a challenging life change.

The reason that I stand on that basis, is that you can not fix what he has decided to break insofar as the relationship. Where you can make a difference is in how you take care of your broken heart and help the children to adjust to a sad season.

Do I continue to pretend I'm happy for his sake? How should I act with him?

PTSD is not a license for the world to pander to us. No one has the right to expect you to be happy during this time, but trying to help heal yourself and your children to find a little fun in 'something' (even if it is as simple as family rated DVD and icecream) may pave the way to much needed laughter for them in the moment.

Be brave, one step at a time and do not loose faith in yourself.