Heavy Helicopters Are Not Supposed To Come On Saturdays

[Tabula-Rasa]

Heavy Helicopters are NOT supposed to come on Saturdays. They come off the River and vibrate everything in the apartment so that things fall off the shelves and shake the windows and send me back to 1989 when I KNOW that I'm in 2011. I KNOW that the walls are white and not blue shafts of light. I try to DO a working day... and after they come, I'm done.

I'm brought back to a room where 43 people DIE. They are cut to shreds. They are NOT a body with a little red bullet hole as one sees in movies. They are TORSOS cut off so quickly that the legs don't even fall. They stand there for several seconds.

I'm brought back into a world where a 12 year old is ALIVE with no lower part of her body and she STARES at me with her fist in mine until her eyes no longer hold her. She's suddenly not there.

THAT is what an heavy helicopter is to me. Swiss cheese walls. Blue shafts of light through the walls. That girl and feeling and seeing her leave.

Every Weekday.

WEEKDAY. It was NOT supposed to come on a Saturday.

 

[ronin47]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you had to go through that :(. When something like that happens when we least expect it, it can throw us off in a horrible way. It's bad enough even when you're anticipating it. Is there anyway you can distract yourself and/or calm your brain down? Watch a movie perhaps? A funny or cheerful one that is.

 

[Jacquie]

Thank you. THANK YOU for saying it how it really is. Not some neat TV version. The reality. The fact that this world is NOT always the nice cushy cosy lovey dovey cute warm fuzzy goodie goodie think positive utter BULLSHIT world people WANT to believe in.

For you right now, and I mean right this moment. Picture 2 baskets. Like 2 woven reed vegetable baskets.

This basket (dark green) = War Zone
This other basket (light tan) = Normal life basket

2 separate baskets

The noise. The chopper noise. Which basket? Both right? BOTH! Except one is different. One is carrying a news crew or just being used to transport, the same as the 5 o'clock train.

The other one is the War Zone basket, carrying things most people will never even be able to comprehend. Its real. It happened. Key. It happeED (past). It happenED (past)

Let go of the hand. Let go of the hand. In the past you held the hand. In the PAST was the cut off torso. You arent there now. You are remembering how it WAS.

Feel your feet. Close your eyes and feel your face with your hand. Feel your upper arms with your hands. Feel the fabric of what you are sitting on with your hands. Breathe. Breeeeeeeeeeathe. Take some more breaths. Feel your arms with your hands again, now your face. Feel your feet on the floor.

Now open your eyes.

It was the other basket.

This is so crap when it happens. And I am wondering if taking some chopper rides (later) might help so you can try and switch from that one basket to the other. After you have had experiences with both baskets in/from/with a chopper.

Choppers have that loud rhythmic thud. For some reason loud rhythmic thudding noises REALLY imprint things on our mind.

(((hug)))

 

[olaja]

A quiet forest. A little breeze. A clear sky.