Help Me. :(

[bok]

I was sexually and physically abused by people of the same gender as mine. I was forced to have sex with them as an exchange of some scandalous vids of a special friend. That was almost 6 months ago. ​

Until now, I still have those flashbacks, dreams and others. What I am afraid of is that those people who cares for me gets exhausted. Especially my friend, I tend to control him so he won't be with anyone else because I feel and know that's my trigger, seeing him texting, calling or chatting with someone I don't know,. ​

Do you think I should limit him?​

 

[Reclusive]

Bok - wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot. I don't know if the friend you're talking about limiting is the same as the friend you did the exchange for, but in any case, you shouldn't try to limit people. They have to live their own lives, just like you have to live yours. I do, however, suggest that you seek help from a professional because what you've been through sounds terrible. :(

 

[ronin47]

Six months is no time at all as far as recovery is concerned. It's TOTALLY natural for you to be feeling and experiencing the things you are. As far as your friend is concerned, I hate to break it to you, but you can't control everything other people do. Trying to place limitations on your friends may give you a false sense of security, but really it's useless. Seek out professional help. A therapist can give you more specific advice on how to navigate relationships and things like that along with recovery.

 

[bok]

I don't know if the friend you're talking about limiting is the same as the friend you did the exchange for, but in any case, you shouldn't try to limit people.

yes he is the same as the friend i did the exchange for. every contact he makes with anyone whom i do not know is my trigger. another is when i can not confirm he is safe. I appreciate his efforts, like being with me most of the times, talking with me even at the late hours of the day. i fear he gets exhausted. :(

i am actually undergoing professional treatments, though secretly, as there are only 5 people who knows about this, including me, him and the psychiatrist.

thank you!

 

[bok]

Trying to place limitations on your friends may give you a false sense of security, but really it's useless. .

it has been explained to me by my psychiatrist for a lot of times,. but limiting him has been my only relief. :((
i understand my psychiatrist, but i can't do anything every time i'm triggered, i can't apply her advices. :((
thanks for the help. =)

 

[bok]

i am actually only 19. and there are only 5 people who knows about this. including me, him, the psych and 2 other people. we have tried a lot of possible treatments, but i feel hopeless as i have changed only a little.

until this point in time, i see those people following me everywhere i go (imaginations). there are a lot of times i can feel them doing those nasty things again to me. proud to say i reached the point that i already know they do not really exist and they are not doing those things again to me, but the sensations still remain. it's quite hard to focus away, as i can feel them doing those.

everything are secret from my families, friends and schoolmates, so i also have to place effort on giving alibis every time something goes wrong. and this is a hard part really. i can't even take emergency medications with as my parents may see it.

but i do still believe i can pass through this. =)

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Bok))))

You'll need to learning grounding and mindfulness right away. These are skills that can help you learn to tolerate the fallout that comes when you allow him to live his life. ...and it sounds like your goal was to save him, not make him your prisoner.

It WILL be triggering as first...it will feel horrible.

But when you do it, you will work through those feelings then you will defeat that trigger's power over you and you will both do better.

 

[ronin47]

yes he is the same as the friend i did the exchange for.

Why in the world are you still having any contact with this person at all then!?!

 

[bok]

Why in the world are you still having any contact with this person at all then!?!

i feel responsible if in any case, he gets videotaped again. and i part, i fear that if it happens again, they might get me again to save him from shame. :(

 

[bok]

((((Bok))))

You'll need to learning grounding and mindfulness right away. These are skills that can help you learn to tolerate the fallout that comes when you allow him to live his life. ...and it sounds like your goal was to save him, not make him your prisoner.

It WILL be triggering as first...it will feel horrible.

But when you do it, you will work through those feelings then you will defeat that trigger's power over you and you will both do better.

yes, my goal is to save him, so he won't get videotaped again.
i will try your suggestion, but i do know it's hard.
thanks.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Look for allies...NOBODY can fight such a fight alone.

Do you have any people aroud you who would help? If not, Is leaving an option?

Job ONE is always establishing safety.

One cannot work on the PTSD as long as you're unsafe...

 

[bok]

Look for allies...NOBODY can fight such a fight alone.

Do you have any people aroud you who would help? If not, Is leaving an option?

Job ONE is always establishing safety.

One cannot work on the PTSD as long as you're unsafe...

i have him, and 2 other friends (one a businessman, another a student too)
They are helping me, though not everytime, the other two also lives in Manila, and i am around 2 hours away from them so most talks throughout the week are made through skype or mobile phone. but during severe attacks, they try to go here the soonest time possible. my bestfriend lives about an hour away from my home(i cannot tell other people)
That bestfriend is with the same school, though we've got different schedules but we text even while in class to make sure everybody's fine.

i don't think leaving is an option, i am an incoming 4th year college student, dependent on parents.

but i try always to divert attention although hard.
i used different route as not to see the place where this happened.
I avoid seeing violence on TV.
i changed phone number.
and my friend texts me everytime to make me sure he's safe.

i hope you guys see how hard this is.