General Help My Husband Has PTSD

[DLadi]

Sisu,

I am also involved with a man who periodically pushes me away. The worst is right after he sees the therapist... he's in such pain and trying so hard to escape it that he pushes everything away except his children. In between his treatments (he's been seeing the VA Dr. for about 3 months) he's happy, fun, humorous, passionate... but it is so hard to sit back and wait for him to recover from each treatment... and the guilt of pushing me away. I'm afraid to say anything that may trigger a flashback so we don't talk about it. I'm not sure if that is the right way to handle it but I love him too much to push the issue of communication... I mean, why cause him pain just so I understand it all better? How long before the therapist visits actually help? Will we ever know?

 

[pooky]

Its good to know Im not alone!!!

My husband is telling me all the same things. I have felt so alone in this. God has been my stregth in this time, but I been wondering if this is really ptsd or if my husband really doesn't love me. I have been on the search for help. Military one source gives free counsling to those of us that are going though this tough time. I have only meet with my counsler one time, but I think she will be able to help me through, no matter the out come. I would recommed contacting military one source. I believe they can help us better understand what are husbands are going through. I feel all of your pain.

 

[Zaphara]

To keep it short for now. I just found out in March that my husband has PTSD, we are already not living together because of him needing space, and already he feels like he doesn't love me anymore and wants to give up and get a divorce.

This sounds exactly like my husband. He keeps telling me he needs time. He can't tell me he loves me, he hasn't said it to me in months. We're now separated because neither of us could take the fighting anymore. He was always mad at me. Everything I said and did was always wrong. He would make fun of me a lot. He would just lash out at me over the stupidest things and he would even start arguments, for the sake of arguing.

Since we've separated he is getting better about answering his phone and text messages from me. But, he has yet to actually call and text me on his own. Its so frustrating to deal with. I have no one on my side. His parents don't think he has PTSD, they think I am the one who isn't committed to this relationship 100%. Some days I feel like giving up. But, I know I am stronger than that. I love him so much and this is killing me so badly, I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Lost_in_FL]

All ~

I am also in the same boat, my husband has left me and my children saying he doesn't love me anymore, and is unable to feel anything. His PTSD is not official, and is not combat related. We do still talk, are trying counselling and he still appears concerned about our welfare, but is confused and afraid of being diagnosed - hates the idea of being "labelled".

I just want to extend a virtual "group hug" to all of you who are enduring a similar situation, as I can say that personally, I have never been through a more difficult and heart wrenching time in my life. :dontknow:

I appreciate the support and guidance from you all more than you know, I'm blessed to have found this site. Thank God! :Hug_emoticon:

Prayers and peace to you,
Lost_in_FL

 

[Leigh-Anne]

First timer

As alot of people have written it is like I have written some of the entries myself. My husband was in the Army up until 3 weeks ago, he was medically discharged due to PTSD and a list of other things. He came back from a six month deployment in Oct last year and that was when things really turned rotten. Not only was he drinking excessively but I also found out he was taking prescribed medication in bulk. He tried to committ suicide in March this year by a drug overdose, due to the extent of damage he did he has memory loss but they put that down to the binge drinking aswell. And to top it off I found out that my husband had an affair while he was overseas with a Canadian Army person. We have two children together who are 4 and 6 and if it wasn't for them I would have left. We can't deal with the issues surrounding the affair because it makes him withdraw further and sink into deeper depression. So I keep a happy smiling face and do what I can as his carer. I feel extremely lost and lonely and unsure about the decisions I should be making. I struggle with the fact that this man I love has been unfaithful and confused and sad that he is so unwell, sometimes I ask what I did to deserve this...

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome to the forum Leigh-Anne

 

[simplyme]

He may feel like he doesnt deserve you! Or he doesnt want to hurt you or put you through being with a "broken person" as my husband puts it.
Just hang in there and reasure him that you love him nothing is going to change that.

 

[jenu00]

Hi there,

I am going through the same thing. My husband had mortuary duty in Iraq and dropped off the face of the planet during his deployment. I was worried that when he came home he would be "different" and I was very nervous. However, when he came home he acted like nothing was wrong. He made me feel like I was the one with all the problems and anger. However, the most important thing I noticed right away is that he was not interested in sex at all. He would avoid it until I would literally blow up at him and then he would give in.
However, fast forward one year and four months from homecoming and we have an entirely different story. He was okay for about 8 months. Starting this past summer he started to withdraw and get crabby. It was gradual but its definitely a problem now. He asked me for a divorce in December of the year, right before Christmas. He told me he didn't feel anything anymore and that I have crushed his soul and he wanted to be happy. I felt awful. I thought it was something that I had/have done. I was a wreck. My parents and his mom flew in for the holidays as planned. It was pretty awful. He ignored his mom, treated me like dirt and sort of acted okay during dinners.
He has huge mood swings. He'll be happy and wanting to do stuff together, to totally ignoring me by the evening. He will be mean and say cruel things. He has spent over 2500 dollars in two weeks on clothes and micellaneous stuff. He went out and bought a new phone plan six days ago and said he didn't want me to control him anymore.

Believe me, this isn't the man I married. He just seems so weird and there is no rationalizing with him. I'm at my wits end. I have spoken to the people on base but have not opened it up to the base CO. I am in therapy myself to try and figure out how to sort out all these feelings of anger I have towards him, and this coming week I'm supposed to see someone who specializes in PTSD. He refuses to seek treatment. He blames me for everything. I want to hang in here too just for the sheer fact that I love him and he is my bestfriend. I feel, at times, that he is possessed and if he could only hear what he is saying, he'd realize how odd he comes across.

Its so emotionally draining. I cry all the time because I just can't take a lot of him sometimes. He is just always reminding me how we are getting a divorce, yet its been a month now and he won't move out, he wont' hire an attorny, he just talks a really mean game. He keeps telling me to leave.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry any of us are. I never really gave too much thought to PTSD until now. I feel like its consuming my life. I miss my husband. I miss the man I married. I sometimes feel like I'm living and interacting with a complete stranger, a cruel one at that.

Hang in there, and know that you are not a long at all.

E

 

[pebbels]

Hi all, my heart goes out to you as well, it is torture to be in your situations as i was and as much as i loved my partner with all my heart and it was painful to see him going through his own torture i discoverd from this forum and after been pushed away so many times from my love that at the end of the day i needed also to look after me, I LOST ME in trying my hardest to help him and understand ptsd and not realising that i had a right to put up boundries and get the respect back that i was given to him, even though he was stuggling to make sense of it as well, it is hard on both parties. He needs help, you need support as well, and a relationship counciller for both, it is one hell of a rollercoaster ride for both of you. My ex was very irrational and that took it's toll on my emotions even though i knew the symptoms of ptsd and tried not to take things personally, it still hurt because i am human after all with feelings. I wish you all the best and to let you know that the forum and chat room has helped me immensely to understand my ex, and to understand why i felt i had let him down and the helplessness we feel. Peace to you all.

 

[copswife]

I swear I just typed exactly what you are going through...my husband is a police officer who was involved a shooting last june where he shot three men who were shooting at him. He was not injured but didn't think he was coming home that night. Since the incident he developed PTSD and although he said he was better about a month after the incident things started to get worse last fall. He started pushing me away and got angry and annoyed when I tried to talk to him. All of this was unreal to me since we had such a close open relationship before this. Over the last month my husband has been pushing me away and wants to seperate. We have two small children and shows them affection and can tell them he loves them but he won't do the same for me. He says he feels nothing for me but that it's not me it's him. It's so frustrating because I love him and I want to help him get better but he wants the girls and I to move back out of state 1500miles away from him to be close to family instead of him. I'm afraid we will end up divorced because he feels like he will always be this way. He makes comments to me about being better off without him and I should move on...this kills me! I've read a lot of info on PTSD and realize this is normal for PTSD but it scares me that it will be too late for us because he pushing us away! HELP!

 

[amethist]

Hi Copswife

Can i suggest you get yourself some support fast, so you can cope with whatever happens. I do hope it all turns out well for you and your family. Could you possibly speak to someone who he works with and get him some help with this. Maybe you could try the sly trick of suggesting it yourself but in such a way that he thinks it's his idea.

I hope it works out for you and you children, take care.

Amethist

 

[pebbels]

Hello copswife:hello:I know the frustration you are feeling, no say in what is your relationship as well and it hurts like hell. Is there anyway you can get him to seek professional help as well as read what is in the ptsd forum because with help and hard work it can get better. All the best at hopefully achieveing this with your husband. Take Care:Hug_emoticon: