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Relationship My husband has PTSD, doesn't want to seek for help and asked for a divorce



I just need an anonymous online forum (like AA meetings) where I can share my struggle dealing with my husband who has PTSD and won't seek for help.
At times, he asked me for a divorce, but on other times, he was extra sweet. He took me into an emotional roller coaster, and I know I am impacted too. I read a lot of books about PTSD to understand about this better, to communicate better with my husband. But it's not an easy journey. I have my therapist, but in the country we live in, the therapist that can speak good English are limited, so I don't see how it will help me. but at least I have someone to talk to. I'm trying to cover this issue I have with my husband from my family, as I'm Asian and I dont want my parents to worry about me. I live in a different country in Asia from where I'm originally from. I tried to go to Church to seek for comfort, but I still struggle a lot to find strength, and I don't want my marriage to fail. Can anyone recommend me a safe place for me to share my struggle so I don't feel alone. Thank you!
It is very painful 😭 I tried to act normal around him, while carefully also sharing how I actually feels. But it is so hard, I feel a huge weight on my chest. Even on my walk home from work, my heart starts racing so fast, worried that we might fight again. He still allows me to hug him, but doesn't even allow me to kiss his cheek, because he said it's over between us. And it hurts so much. I also just found out that he has PTSD + Bipolar. This is my 2nd marriage, and I don't want to fail again, but I feel that this one is also falling apart 😭. I feel like such a failure ...