Help Needed About Children And Sex Education

[Meadowsweet]

My issues stem mainly from domestic abuse, so I'm sensitive about lots of things surrounding intimate relationships.

But I have a son who is going to be 13 this year. He's registered as gifted, and is very intelligent mathematically. But like many mathematically minded people, his social/emotional skills aren't so well developed. On top of this, he's got no significant male in his life to be a role model. My children have never been exposed to the abuses in my life, but they miss out on seeing normal healthy interactions, because I'm single and don't socialise much.

At school, children get sex education regarding the physical workings, and contraception etc. But I feel like I should be giving my son some guidence regarding the social/emotional side of sexual relationships. But I'm scared that my own issues will come across and cause him to worry about his own sexual urges.

My feelings are that in sex education in school, boys should be taught that if a girl is drunk, she shouldn't be touched. That if she says no quietly, it still counts as no. That if she's underage you don't do it etc. But I think this side of sex education is neglected in schools. But I feel like I wouldn't be able to put in a way, that wouldn't scare him about getting sex 'wrong', because I feel like my own issues would come across.

So, what do I do?

 

[Barberian]

Sounds to me like you got it right. Just sit him down and tell him. Sex can be fun, sex can be great, but as with almost everyting in the world that is "good" there are some strings that come attatched. No means no, etc...

 

[mamachick]

I have had single mom friends with sons that have found some really great books about approaching the subject. I am single mom of girls (grown now) and they are all different. The shyest, most socially awkward, gifted in math, and youngest, was the most open in talking with me. The middle denied for first 2 yrs of involvement, and still is very private at 24.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Thankyou both.

Brat17, would you be able to find out the name of those books? I think that would be really useful for me.

 

[mamachick]

I will try to find out. I know it was something simple like-talking to teen boys about sex-or-talking to your son about sex. I will see if I can find out though

 

[angel2write]

I've found it fruitful to share some of the truth about my life with my children as they get older.

I spare them the details to keep from upsetting or harming them. But they know what PTSD is, why I have it, and some of the bare bones of the fact that I was "raped" as a kid, abused by my parents, and had troubles with my ex.

Talking about that stuff... I don't know. It creates a feeling of open-ness, I guess. So they come to me with questions. And I answer the questions they have when they have them. And sometimes when something comes up in the news or conversation at the table, we just talk. About ethics in everything- not just sexual ethics.

That wasn't particularly helpful, was it? Sorry.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Angel2write, I think as my daughter gets older, I will be able to give her advice from my life, because she is excellent at understanding human nature.

But my son suffered from anxiety when he was around 7. This is when they found him to be gifted - he was becoming anxious at that age, because he would see something on the news, for example about global warming, and he had the cognitive capacity to take in the information, but he didn't have the life experience to put it in context. So he would worry that global warming was going to destroy the world in the next year or something. Or he'd watch ads that make out that germs are lurking everywhere, and he'd worry about germs. So I would be more apprehensive about giving him info that he has no contextual place in his mind for.

But thankyou, this is helping me to think about what works and what doesnt work with him.

 

[angel2write]

In that case, I'd definitely reccommend this book series:

Dead Link Removed

There are age-graded books for every age in the series (the series title is "God's Design for Sex.") I've found them to be a very good, gentle, positive, not-overly-informative, set of books.

They are written from a Christian perspective, though, so if that bothers you, they might not be such a good fit.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Thanks Angel2write.