I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time PandaBear. Welcome to the forum, there is a lot of useful information here as well as a ton of supportive people.
I struggle with nightmares also. Especially if something makes me anxious too close to bedtime. Lately, thanks to another member's suggestion, I've started listening to headphones when I go to sleep. It has been so helpful for me; maybe it will help you also? It's worth a try :)
There is also a thread on here in the Depression and Anxiety section called Safe Alternatives to Self-Harm (I think that's the name...I just looked and have already forgotten). It's on the first page - you can't miss it. Maybe you will find something there? I know what works for one might not for another.
Take care and welcome!