Supporter Hi All

[A13]

Hi,

I feel like a fraud coming on to get a little advice because comparatively to some post my story is very tame. I have read some posts in the forum and i can relate so much! So i have just joined. My partner is a PTSD sufferer and 90% of the time he has it pretty under control. The problem I feel lies with how I'm dealing with things and this is what I want to find out if anyone can advise me.

Let's start at the beginning..
Basically I met this guy, he has a heart of gold. I'm not going to say he isn't slightly troubled, he is.. But we all have our demons. His PTSD started after a couple of tours with the military (obviously he's out now)
He's so kind, generous, attentive, loyal and handsome yet he sees none of these things in himself .. We have a fab relationship, when he's good. Oh boy he's really good. However I sometimes struggle on the bad days. Not for one minute am I blaming him because I know he doesn't choose to suffer from the disorder. As mentioned above I don't know how to deal with things.. Ordinarily we are sickeningly in love. Besotted by eachother, I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. He tells me probably almost everyday we have so many similar interests and he's not only my soulmate but my best friend. However I find he can just change on a dime, almost instantly. For an example we live together, we train together, we walk dogs together, when I leave him to go to work were sending eachother sms' and vice versa. Some days he just goes full circle and i dont hear so much as a peep, if I call him he won't answer the phone, he ignores my texts, when I'm in his company I actually feel as though I'm being really annoying. He isn't his affectionate, chirpy self and me being selfish me, I take it personally and I'm an overthinker at the best of times. Not for a second am I saying I'm all sunshine and giggles everyday of the year, but I Try my best for both of us to stay upbeat. I tend to occasionally harp on at him asking what I've done to upset him (because I seem to be the one who he huffs with).. And it p*sses him off more and tends to send him into a mood. Then i begin to feel really insecure, or as though he isn't happy.. Then i ask him about beimg happy etc and that cheeses him off. I'm such a tough person overall but emotionally when it comes to him I can't control them properly yet because he can literally change so quickly. We live together and Im always asking him to try to communicate with me more.. Which he honestly can't seem to do, or isn't comfortable talking about his inner most.. Which I find difficult because he is so open with everytging else (just not his feelings)

Is ptsd what makes him just shut me out like this.. And how do I address it. I know going on at him to talk things over isn't working. Time to change my strategy as I'm causing arguments by dealing with it the way I am.
I'm not asking because it's unmanageable for me.. Yes I get upset. I am asking because I want to learn how to understand him and his needs!

Thanks guys

Love, newbie :)

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum!!!

 

[Lucycat]

Hi and Welcome to the forum.
:)

 

[kona355]

@Adm13 - First of all, welcome to the forum. There are many wonderful people on this site who have the gift of encouragement.

Is ptsd what makes him just shut me out like this.. And how do I address it.

It sounds like he's been diagnosed with PTSD, and yes it's likely causing what you describe throughout your post. When a friend suggested several years ago that it was possible I had PTSD, I read up on it.

This is a good place to start, by educating yourself on PTSD, for in the books many of the symptoms of PTSD are spelled out. (Amazon is a good place to buy used books. The reviews for each book are helpful before purchase.)

However I find he can just change on a dime, almost instantly.

The thing that jumps out at me is the instant change, coupled with the disconnect. I also do this when something triggers me. Either anger or numbness sets in. My T said the numbness is disassociation, a coping mechanism.

If there was one truth that helped me most when first learning about this disorder, it was knowing that the symptoms are normal human reactions to abnormal traumatic stress. By this I mean those of us with PTSD are not crazy (though at times I do crazy things). Again, symptomatic responses to unresolved trauma wounds.

You're on a good path of discovery. Reading other threads by topic have helped me a lot since joining just a couple of weeks ago.

 

[intothelight]

@Adm13 Welcome! :)

Take some time to check out the Supporter's section as I believe there are some posts/threads you may relate to. Also, this site has a lot of good information about PTSD and try to learn as much as you can about it, as it is important to understand that many of the behaviors you will experience will affect you personally, but they are not personal (hope that makes sense). This is also a great site for support for yourself and I hope you find it helpful.