Undiagnosed Hi.. I Don't Know Why I Came Here, I Just Feel Alone

[la vos es dues]

I don't think I will ever waste my time again with psychiatrists.

I once had a girlfriend, who had a psychoses break down, and was forced to stay in the hospital for 6 months or else she would have lost her child. The psychiatrist she was seeing kept telling her that she was making up her boyfriend and that he didn't exist and that she was delusional.

Every time I went to visit her, they wouldn't let me, saying a visit from me would make her worse.

They had her locked in there for 6 months and they made her truly believe that she was crazy and making me up.

F@ck psychiatrists. I got nothing good to say about them.

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[anni]

Hi,

I also wanted to just say welcome to the forum. Gosh, not being the same generation is sometimes not incredibly helpful because the person you're saying 'welcome' to can see it and think ' OK, here's someone with zero in common, so yes, nice to say hi but we don't have a ton to say to each other'. Well, probably not except for the PTSD thing and recognizing quite a few things in your posts which made me nod. Mostly it was how helpful it is being able to come here to the forum and not be 'the only one'- God- I remember bumping into this place for the first time. Seeing other people who had the same furniture in their heads- it was wierd but so so so comforting.

Other members have done beautifully with 'welcome'. I did want to add a note on the therapist thing I found amazingly helpful, even if it's only a distraction in the end. There's an awesome thread, wish I could remember exactly what it's called. Something about 'Therapists we could do without'? I have a great T at the moment, finally. The previous list was inclusive of one who was ok until he got his realtor's liscence on the side and told me I could NOT be healed until I bought a house, no lie. The thread is a repository for our assinine T stories, lets us know it's another area where we haven't been alone plus - sorry- you gotta laugh with some of them. It's just that your life has had horrific, horrific traumas ( yes we believe you, another aspect of the forum which is incredibly helpful, no disclaimers necessary here ) . Therapy really is the kindest possible thing to do for yourself, besides getting a diagnosis in the first place. It's just somewhere to start on the path towards healing- we've all required one, that's all.

You have an awful lot to unload, to process, to write about. Perhaps start a trauma diary here also? I'm not a good one to talk, since I haven't personally. Long story-just haven't been able to do that sort of list you managed. You're able to, which believe it or not is a good thing, getting that out there. It's just a suggestion. Everyone is different as to what might be helpful and what they're able to do at what stage, you know?

This got long so please excuse. At the very least will add my welcome, and take care.

Anni

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Please bear in mind that I am going to post my opinions based on what I know to be true both personally and clinically.

When you are having difficulties in coping with life, being that it is affecting your ability to function within normal parameters of daily life, you should address this with your doctor. You have suffered from grief and have witnessed trauma. These are things that a doctor should know about. A primary care physician can direct you to a psychiatrist who can point you in the right direction as to how to begin and progress with proper treatment for any condition that you are suffering from be it PTSD, or anxiety, or anything else.

There are mixed reviews (based on bias usually) on the use of marijuana with PTSD. One of the difficulties with using THC while having anxiety is the obvious- increase in paranoia. With PTSD we already tend to be plenty paranoid enough without it. However, I have seen where THC can cause someone with PTSD to re-evaluate their paranoia because they know that it causes paranoia. It is as if it almost balances out the irrational (if you would) paranoia. I have heard statements that people have made that Marijuana can cause depression. However, marijuana is something that is used to successfully treat clinical depression. It has also been used with success to assist in treating patients with Bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. Marijuana does cause dissociation. In PTSD sufferers, this is not necessarily desirable. That being said, even 'normal' people dissociate (and without a dissociative disorder) and they have no consequence to their use of marijuana and dissociation.

My honest opinion, bring to your doctors attention any and all medications (including marijuana) that you take. If you look at some of the side effects of other medications in which are legally prescribed, many of them do much of the same thing as marijuana but with far more harmful side effects. The decision to use one medicine over another is purely personal in nature, but should still be discussed with a physician.

One last note- those who choose to medicate with marijuana on a continual basis (being a heavy user) and also smoke a half to one pack of cigarettes per day in a year are at an 8% higher risk for COPD, while smoking marijuana alone without the use of cigarettes does not have an increase in a lead to COPD.

 

[la vos es dues]

I find talking with people like you on the internet helps me in ways they never do. Psychiatrists just make me pissed off and worse. PLUS THEY CHARGE ME AN ARM AND A LEG FOR IT.

Like if there is something I can take that will physically help my brain deal with stress, I'm all for it, but I'm not going to pay some guy big bucks to tell me the same shit that smart people on these forums tell me.

Stuff like, I matter, my feelings count, I am worth something, people are willing to reply and talk to me and everyone doesn't hate me, I am not alone, stuff like that.


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[Loloma]

Sorry you feel that way, understand though from the bad experiences you have had.

Your GP can only prescribe pills, and you need more than that. Try looking up the article in the general section here on the forum. They are really good and helpful. That is all I can say for now. Wish you all the best.:tup:

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Actually, that is kind of what we all do here- this is a form of therapy in a way. For some, it helps bridge the gap between therapy sessions, for others, it is their therapy, distraction, educational tool, etc. There is no wrong way to go about it. Getting those feelings out of you will help you understand them better, and it helps everyone here some introspect.

Anni suggested that you start a trauma diary here. I think that is a great idea. Its an outlet, and can help you to reflect on what you have to say and find support along the way in a manner that is non threatening.

 

[la vos es dues]

Thank you very much for your welcome anni, and for your thought and input, I appreciate it. :)

And thank you simplekind of girl for your input as well, I feel no paranoia when dealing with THC.

The whole reason I started using it was because I used to have (still do actually) a problem with my stomach where I would feel hungry, but I couldn't eat and if I did I got sick. This is caused because my rib cage is not shaped like most people and I have this CANYON like crevasse in the center of my chest, so my guts dont have the same amount of room as others do. I went to 10 different doctors, tried all the pills, and finally a doctor asked me if I have ever smoked weed. I tried it once, and instantly could eat without feeling sick. So I used it all the time for years for that. I know a lot about thc.

I don't drink booze ever, never smoke cigs (EEEEEWWWWWWW).


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[Loloma]

Just wanting to add to 'simplekindofgirl' and 'anni's' comments. The trauma diary is brilliant when your up to it. If you feel your strong enough you can read what other people have been through in their lives.

Nobody here will judge you, being accepted is important as then you won't feel so alone. I have found the support here tremendous, especially as I am also alone and have cut myself off from friends and family.

 

[la vos es dues]

I could write a movie script about the traumas I have had in my life, and people who watch it would be like:
"What a fake cheese load of garbage, there is nooooo way that would happen like that or that someone could have that kind of bad luck!"

And if I made a movie about my constant nightmares, it would be one of the scariest movies ever.... hmmmm good idea, I think I shall start writing.

I am actually trying to make a comic book and incorporate all the traumas I have had into the comic, and make the super hero do things I wish I was strong enough to do at the time.

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[simplekindofgirl]

That is not a bad idea either- that is both creative and proactive.

But believe me when I tell you, if you feel like no one will believe you- then you are wrong. There are a lot of people here who have lived through many, many, many traumas. Unbelievable pain. Something that is unbelievable is not the same thing as something that is not believable. Dealing with PTSD means honesty and courage, so if you bring your traumas out in this environment, you can feel assured that no one here will doubt you.

 

[la vos es dues]

LOLOMA heh, u been told by a therapist to "just forget the past and get over it" too eh?

Lol just forget..... it's easy!!! Just forget it! When u go to sleep stop dreaming of it, it's easy! Only you can help yourself (then what am I paying you for!?!?!). Stop taking everything so serious, and stop pretending like u are incapable of social interaction because you cannot deal with stress! It's all in your head!


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[Loloma]

Yes there are some really bad T's out there. But also some good ones, it's just a matter of finding one. Your GP would have someone that he can recommend after you tell him what going on with you and he understands the gravity of your present situation. :)

You can't do it on your own....