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Hi everyone, been lurking this site for quite sometime now, and finally decided to make an account. I started reading here to get some ideas if what I'm going through in a day to day basis is normal you can say.
Well My fiance and I met online 6 years ago. We would talk for hours and I grew closer to him. He then disappeared on me for 3 years not knowing what happened, but turns out he had a special ops mission. He came back and got a hold of me again. We were just friends back then, when we finally decided to finally meet, he disappeared again for another 2 years. With those years passed, I always had him in my thoughts and prayers because I felt a connection with him and would write him emails not knowing if he is able to read them or not.
Just last year August, he emailed me and we finally met up. He flew out here in LA and he met my family. It was more like love at first sight. He was working back in Boston and he told me that he is finish with his contract. So he was going to be out of the army already. So couple months past and things were so great. He asked me to be his girlfriend on October, and asked me in front of my family if I will marry him on December.
So months pass and seems to be great. His trip going back to Boston, something changed. Everything hit him not realizing the effect of PTSD. He would have nightmares and get anxious so easily. He then stopped coming to visit me in LA. He started telling me how he feels like he doesn't deserve me and doesn't wanna put me through what he is going through.
Coming into this relationship and saying yes to his proposal, I knew what I was getting myself into. Countless times he would try to push me away telling me I deserve better, and countless times I've expressed myself to him that I am here to stay for good. He is my best friend, my partner in crime and he deserves to be loved and taken care of.
I don't know how to get it through to him that I'm not going anywhere. There are times where I don't hear from him for couple of days or up to a week, but I'm constantly sending him emails, text to put a smile on his face. He thinks I'm going to get tired of dealing with him and just walk away.
That I say this now, but once things are going bad for him he thinks I will just let him go. He doesn't understand my commitment to him. I love him, and I'm not gonna lie, it's very difficult to be in my position, but what makes it worth it for me is knowing the kind of man he is. Knowing that at the end of his solitude he will come back to me and message me.
We haven't set anything of when our wedding date will be. I'm patient enough to wait it out because what is important is he gets help. I want to be their to support him all the way. Just because someone has PTSD doesn't mean they don't deserve to be loved, cared for, and be happy. I believe that if you nurture the mindset that you have PTSD then optomism goes right out the door.
It's so hard for me to talk to my friends and family about what I'm going through because they just don't understand. I hope by posting here, I get the support I need to be able to have an outlet. I just wish I knew how to make him understand that I'm here for good. I know he means well and just looking out for me, but he doesn't have a say on me staying.
I want to be here to support him and even if I have to put the wedding plans, fiance, girlfriend status on hold because what he needs right now is a friend. I'm confident enough that if he does get help we can slowly start our life together and learn to deal with PTSD as part of our life. It's so hard to go through all this specially if you are thousands of miles apart. Things doesn't get easier either since sometimes we have no contact for days.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. I'm looking forward to be able to post more and connect with more people going through the same thing I am.
Well My fiance and I met online 6 years ago. We would talk for hours and I grew closer to him. He then disappeared on me for 3 years not knowing what happened, but turns out he had a special ops mission. He came back and got a hold of me again. We were just friends back then, when we finally decided to finally meet, he disappeared again for another 2 years. With those years passed, I always had him in my thoughts and prayers because I felt a connection with him and would write him emails not knowing if he is able to read them or not.
Just last year August, he emailed me and we finally met up. He flew out here in LA and he met my family. It was more like love at first sight. He was working back in Boston and he told me that he is finish with his contract. So he was going to be out of the army already. So couple months past and things were so great. He asked me to be his girlfriend on October, and asked me in front of my family if I will marry him on December.
So months pass and seems to be great. His trip going back to Boston, something changed. Everything hit him not realizing the effect of PTSD. He would have nightmares and get anxious so easily. He then stopped coming to visit me in LA. He started telling me how he feels like he doesn't deserve me and doesn't wanna put me through what he is going through.
Coming into this relationship and saying yes to his proposal, I knew what I was getting myself into. Countless times he would try to push me away telling me I deserve better, and countless times I've expressed myself to him that I am here to stay for good. He is my best friend, my partner in crime and he deserves to be loved and taken care of.
I don't know how to get it through to him that I'm not going anywhere. There are times where I don't hear from him for couple of days or up to a week, but I'm constantly sending him emails, text to put a smile on his face. He thinks I'm going to get tired of dealing with him and just walk away.
That I say this now, but once things are going bad for him he thinks I will just let him go. He doesn't understand my commitment to him. I love him, and I'm not gonna lie, it's very difficult to be in my position, but what makes it worth it for me is knowing the kind of man he is. Knowing that at the end of his solitude he will come back to me and message me.
We haven't set anything of when our wedding date will be. I'm patient enough to wait it out because what is important is he gets help. I want to be their to support him all the way. Just because someone has PTSD doesn't mean they don't deserve to be loved, cared for, and be happy. I believe that if you nurture the mindset that you have PTSD then optomism goes right out the door.
It's so hard for me to talk to my friends and family about what I'm going through because they just don't understand. I hope by posting here, I get the support I need to be able to have an outlet. I just wish I knew how to make him understand that I'm here for good. I know he means well and just looking out for me, but he doesn't have a say on me staying.
I want to be here to support him and even if I have to put the wedding plans, fiance, girlfriend status on hold because what he needs right now is a friend. I'm confident enough that if he does get help we can slowly start our life together and learn to deal with PTSD as part of our life. It's so hard to go through all this specially if you are thousands of miles apart. Things doesn't get easier either since sometimes we have no contact for days.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. I'm looking forward to be able to post more and connect with more people going through the same thing I am.
