Sufferer Hi, Mother Of Five Desperate To Heal My Child Abuse Trauma

[Hillmama]

I'm thirty six years old and was emotionally and physically abused as a child.

As a teenager and young adult I attempted suicide many times. I battled with cutting and depression and dis associative episodes.

Twelve years ago I met the father of my five children. I have spent the past dozen years desperate to hide the depths of my pain from him. But he has of course seen through it. The pain and strive in this has been immense. I have had several therapists express the opinion that I suffer from PTSD. My partner is convinced of this as well.

I believe he visits these forums searching for some kind of meaning in the madness. Last night I had a breakthrough of sorts. Now I am searching for a therapist to help me grieve and hopefully learn to cope and to integrate the fractured pieces of my self. I have five amazing children ages 10,9,7,6 and 4.

I want to help them process what has surely been wounding to their spirits. Ie mommy just suddenly seems cold and cut off and them she's back. I am hoping to connect with others who have felt as I do. As if I have lost time, been consumed by this thing beyond my control and am waking up but oh how it all hurts.

 

[Hatchetface]

Welcome! I'm so sorry for your experiences. I know the pain you're feeling even though my experiences aren't exactly like yours. I really hope you will find a good therapist. :)

 

[Artfulone]

Welcome to the forum Hillmama,
You are likely to find good assistance on this forum, support and a wealth of information. This can work well with specialist therapy after getting a diagnosis confirmed. These things combined can assist greatly over time in treating your symptom clusters and managing your life and relationship with those around you.
Best wishes upon your journey of assisted self healing.

 

[KP the nut]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Welcome to the forum. It is nice to meet you. I hope this place will help you with your healing process.

 

[a3a2]

I have been where you are. I am so glad you are looking for a good therapist. For me, therapy felt like removing chains that held me captive, one at a time. It was a painful process, but well worth it.