Hi, New, Lifetime Parental Abuse

[silver_turquoise]

Hi,

Just a quick outline, I have complex trauma or what some call CPTSD, or PTSD that doesn't act like other people's PTSD!

My mother was bipolar and refused treatment and picked on me for especial psychological abuse and bad treatment (humiliation, stealing belongings, writing in my diary, gaslighting and lying, constant berating and belittling) for every day of my whole life. She wanted me to kill myself and showed me how (first wave of PTSD symptoms started here.) When I stood up to her at age 21, encouraging passive family to do the same, she blamed me for ruining her life, moved out, started breaking into the house maliciously and assaulting people. (second wave of symptoms started here). Only stopped for me when I away moved to England (from Melbourne). She killed herself the night before my 22nd birthday in 2009, presumably chosen to teach me a lesson.

I hate Melbourne and don't feel safe here, very bad triggers around the whole area. Due to visa constraints was forced to move back here 6 months ago though I wasn't ready. Also am too sick to work, but I have to as my husband and I need that financially. Physical symptoms are the worst now, too exhausted to move around much, oversensitive to sound and movement, feel weak and sick most of the time. Completely miserable and hate my life here and am constantly triggered. Recent therapist was useless and made me worse instead of better, am now in a bad relapse stage. Basically have no idea what to do to get better anymore.

Edit: also, husband has more straightforward PTSD from a different set of circumstances, so I am also a supporter.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to hear of the tragedies you have had to face. I hope this site helps you with your problems.

 

[silver_turquoise]

Thank you :) it's been very good so far so I'm very hopeful! It's just so nice not to be the 'odd person out' for a change :)

 

[Sandra]

We all have our own story. But in some ways are similar.

 

[Stormy Eagle]

Hi there. I too have complex PTSD, brought on by extreme childhood abuse. I am now living with my mother; a constant accessory, sometimes participant, in my abuse. Talk about being triggered...oh, how I understand your pain!!! Hopefully, we will be able to offer one-another some comfort and support.

 

[silver_turquoise]

I had to do that for a while too... I really do understand how hard that is and how painful. I hope that things have changed and she has some understanding, but even then I know the pain is still there. I'm so sorry to hear you're having to live with that.

 

[maddog]

A big warm welcome to you Unhalfbricking. I'm so sorry to hear of your story, and sorry that sorry is such a trite little word to try to do justice to your experience.

There's a sad kind of comfort in so many of us being able to relate to one another, and I for one have found this site to be the first and only place where I feel more similar than dissimilar to those around me.

I too am struggling to work full time out of necessity, and can relate to the numbing drain of having to find the energy for that each day. It's a long lonely journey, but you're not walking it alone.

And hey, at least you have a day off tomorrow?

Please keep posting us and when you feel ready, we're all here to listen.

Maddog

 

[Julliete]

Hi UnHalfBricking,

Welcome. I am a new member as well. I also come from a background of child abuse and something my mother also did was order me and tell me how to commit suicide... repeatedly. I'm much older now... but I also believe the first time was the onset of severe disasociation, and other symtoms.

I also hold a full-time job after several years of non/partial employment, and it's huge struggle to have the energy every day. I feel triggered and overwhelmed with stress. It's a struggle. Although my symptoms are better than they were a few years ago. And I'm grateful I can even try to work... it's an improvement despite the daily struggle.

So I relate a lot. Thanks also to Maddog for sharing...

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to this wonderful Forum, Unhalfbricking!

This is a safe place where people come together with different kinds of trauma experiences and various symptoms. I suspect that you can find people to whom you can relate.

I am very sorry for you childhood and young adult experiences. Look around the forum and feel free to reply to anything to which you can connect with the writer.

Best wishes for your journey!

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Welcome to the forum unhalfbricking, you will find much support here.

Although our stories are a little different, I can really empathize with you as I have also been the target of 'mentally unstable' people. When I read your comment about 'showing you' how she would harm you, it sent a shiver down my spine! I am so sorry that you went through this and that you have been taken out of your comfort zone before you were ready. I hope you find a good T soon and life gets a little brighter for you. Love to you, xxoo