Hogwarts School Of ...

[BV101]

buggering things right up.

I seem to have got a 1st class degree from it. I just spent 8 days away from my family and everything. In order to reload and regroup basically. Its a bastard doing this by meself. Anyway, in the space of 9 hours since I got back, I packed the wifes case, threw her AND case into street. Almost caused my lovely mummy to have some kind of attack, made both kids cry and act like a prize arse. Me I mean, not the kids...

The situation is now stable, case and wife back in, mummy on an even(ish) keel. Kids tucked up in bed. sigh... :(

I have made a right bollocks of all this. I am at the point of just wanting to get off the bus and get under it. I am so f*cking tired of everything. I can't even put everything into words. I can see where its going. Good family, good job, nice car, happy kids. Lets f*cking f*ck that up. Shitting hells bells. Called off our new house move as well. I was just so angry. Now I feel sick. I don't even know what was wrong with me. No nice times. Just bloody shouting and unpleasatness. I've even done the maths (or math if you are a yank) on how much the other half would pocket if it all went spanner side up and I expired. And it looked an option. Thats where my thinking is at the minute.

So anyway, after a period of introspection earlier on, I decided to smash my foot in with a hammer. Which I did in the garage. And it bloody hurts. So now, I think, putting it down on paper (or screen). This is not the workings of a person whose self help program is working. The other half has said I need proper mental help, before she leaves me avec kids. Bastarding hell.

So (I'm sorry that I have started this paragraph the same as the other), I'm at the mentals. Next thursday and I want some kind of medication that is just going to bash me into a box in my head and stop this happening. I am in the process of wiping everything out if I am not careful. I don't care any more what it will do or what people think. Zombie is better than this. The world is stopping. And I am getting off.

 

[Jimmy1]

Your still here, and your still trying. Eventually you will find the right 'spell' mate.
Keep your chin up.

 

[reddevil1111]

You need to explain better to the Wife what your going through. If she know why it might help out a lot. Also, help her to know your triggers. It can also help her see that after a point a fair argument is not in the works and it shite all for you.
My wife used to follow me room to room to keep things going. I almost tore off her head more than once. She is learning to back off, let me cool down and we can try over.
I think she loves you and wants things to work but it does take an understanding and both of you have to work together on this. Good luck!-dan

 

[BV101]

Dan, honesty with family is not an option. Thats not going to fly. I just need to get me head together a bit and start to get better. Oh its all bloody rubbish it really is.

 

[Ned]

Morning Alan. All sounds exactly where I was before I got some help and that led to some working room inside my head. Because my head was too full. I kept bumping into and tripping up over my own thoughts.
Which is probably why I f*cked off anybody trying to cram any more in there. And yep, it felt like watching a train crash with my hand on the throttle. What worked was something that reduced the anxiety, enough to allow me to unravel the tangled thoughts and tidy up my head a bit.
For what it's worth sounds as if you have reasoned most of it out, you're a bright bloke (only kidding).
You'll get there.....