N
nz16
I few months ago, I stumbled across this website a broken, confused, angered woman.
I had no clue what was going in my relationship. Thankfully enough, I also realized I was not going crazy and sadly enough, also realized that I wasn't the only one fighting the same. Battling combat-PTSD is no joke.
My earlier post talked about how (ex) fiancé came back a different a man from his second tour in Iraq, although I knew deep inside of me something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Even before coming home, he was withdrawing from me and being cold and now looking back, verbally abusive. I thought it was me. I began making excuses for him, maybe he's under a lot of pressure (which no doubt I know they are), maybe he's just tired and cranky. I began feeling like I was walking on eggshells, even before the arrival. Everyone talks about the joyous, much anticipated homecoming, but hardly any one talks about when the war comes back with the soldier. I was not prepared for the trainwreck that hit me.
The next few days and weeks after he was home was a living hell. My previous post explained everything that transpire after the homecoming. I had lost my sense of self. I was in a horrible mental, physical, and spiritual state. I was performing low at work, which I never do, and my supervisor took notice. I was hardly eating. I had no appetite for a week. My anxiety and depression kicked in. Im usually very active and love to run and hike. It was two months after I went on a hike. Spiritually, I was a broken, hot mess. We have remained friends for now, until we both heal.
I'm sorry if this is turning to be long winded, but it all ties into what I'm going to say next. !!!
This experience thought me that:
-I can't help anyone, but myself. When you feel like you are really losing it, because you are going to feel extremely helpless at time, don't forget to PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Take a step back, and assess the situation. Always follow your gut instinct.
-As long as you stay brave and bold, you won’t ever lose who you are; in fact, you will learn to find and discover parts of yourself that would have otherwise remained undiscovered.
-Learning to love unconditionally will open chambers of your heart you never know existed.
-You need a strong supportive system. I couldn't have gone through it and survived without the help and love of family and friends who although might not have fully understood my decisions, still supported me without judgement. Bottom line: Your friends and family are not going to know what you are going through unless they, themselves have experienced it.
- Loving someone with PTSD, or someone that cannot love you back is unbearable and overwhelming at times and pulls a sense of empathy and compassion out from the depths of your soul so deep you never even knew it existed. That in its raw form is an unconditional love. It does not matter how many times you are lied to, how late you stay awake at night consoling this person through the darker hours or even how much doubt fills and flows in and out of your head. You love this person through it, anyway.
-You make a choice to stay and help this person, not because you feel obligated or pity them. I wanted to help him understand that he didn't have to endure this battle alone. I wanted him to understand that he is capable of self-love and capable of enjoying all the wonderful things that life and love have to offer. You wish you had a magic wand to make them feel better and ease their pain. I also learned that someone with PTSD space is crucial. Bottom line: they need space. Google: the stress cup/cup overflowing with stress.
The more you push, the more they withdrawn, which ultimately drives you crazy.
-Sometimes dedicating yourself to someone who can’t give you that same dedication in return, at least not yet, is a risk in that you risk losing yourself along the way. But it’s a risk worth taking. I don't regret anything.
-When you choose to love someone who is struggling in a fight for his or her life, you are choosing to love someone who cannot fully love you back because he or she does not yet love him or herself. They are struggling with their own demons. You cannot save or heal this person. They need time.
Many posts on here speak of time. How long should you wait for him to come back, knowing when is the time to let go, etc etc etc. There is specific time period. You are the only person who has the answer to that question. I will say this, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!! I cannot stress this enough.
A few months later and Im at a very different place. Im at a new job I enjoy. Im back to exercising. I reconnected with friends. Physically, mentally, and spiritually, I am in a better, happier place. As far as dating goes, although I am not fully ready to jump into a relationship with another person just yet. I won't say no to a casual movie or dinner date, parts of moving forward with life. Starting a new seems scary, but in a sense felt liberating for me. A part of me still remains hopefully that maybe one day we might work out, he was my best friend, and I do miss that, but I am taking care of myself right and healing still. Live your life, life is short.
Ive become very familiar with ptsd, so if any of you ever needs advice or just a ear to listen, don't hesitate to contact me. xo
I had no clue what was going in my relationship. Thankfully enough, I also realized I was not going crazy and sadly enough, also realized that I wasn't the only one fighting the same. Battling combat-PTSD is no joke.
My earlier post talked about how (ex) fiancé came back a different a man from his second tour in Iraq, although I knew deep inside of me something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Even before coming home, he was withdrawing from me and being cold and now looking back, verbally abusive. I thought it was me. I began making excuses for him, maybe he's under a lot of pressure (which no doubt I know they are), maybe he's just tired and cranky. I began feeling like I was walking on eggshells, even before the arrival. Everyone talks about the joyous, much anticipated homecoming, but hardly any one talks about when the war comes back with the soldier. I was not prepared for the trainwreck that hit me.
The next few days and weeks after he was home was a living hell. My previous post explained everything that transpire after the homecoming. I had lost my sense of self. I was in a horrible mental, physical, and spiritual state. I was performing low at work, which I never do, and my supervisor took notice. I was hardly eating. I had no appetite for a week. My anxiety and depression kicked in. Im usually very active and love to run and hike. It was two months after I went on a hike. Spiritually, I was a broken, hot mess. We have remained friends for now, until we both heal.
I'm sorry if this is turning to be long winded, but it all ties into what I'm going to say next. !!!
This experience thought me that:
-I can't help anyone, but myself. When you feel like you are really losing it, because you are going to feel extremely helpless at time, don't forget to PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Take a step back, and assess the situation. Always follow your gut instinct.
-As long as you stay brave and bold, you won’t ever lose who you are; in fact, you will learn to find and discover parts of yourself that would have otherwise remained undiscovered.
-Learning to love unconditionally will open chambers of your heart you never know existed.
-You need a strong supportive system. I couldn't have gone through it and survived without the help and love of family and friends who although might not have fully understood my decisions, still supported me without judgement. Bottom line: Your friends and family are not going to know what you are going through unless they, themselves have experienced it.
- Loving someone with PTSD, or someone that cannot love you back is unbearable and overwhelming at times and pulls a sense of empathy and compassion out from the depths of your soul so deep you never even knew it existed. That in its raw form is an unconditional love. It does not matter how many times you are lied to, how late you stay awake at night consoling this person through the darker hours or even how much doubt fills and flows in and out of your head. You love this person through it, anyway.
-You make a choice to stay and help this person, not because you feel obligated or pity them. I wanted to help him understand that he didn't have to endure this battle alone. I wanted him to understand that he is capable of self-love and capable of enjoying all the wonderful things that life and love have to offer. You wish you had a magic wand to make them feel better and ease their pain. I also learned that someone with PTSD space is crucial. Bottom line: they need space. Google: the stress cup/cup overflowing with stress.
The more you push, the more they withdrawn, which ultimately drives you crazy.
-Sometimes dedicating yourself to someone who can’t give you that same dedication in return, at least not yet, is a risk in that you risk losing yourself along the way. But it’s a risk worth taking. I don't regret anything.
-When you choose to love someone who is struggling in a fight for his or her life, you are choosing to love someone who cannot fully love you back because he or she does not yet love him or herself. They are struggling with their own demons. You cannot save or heal this person. They need time.
Many posts on here speak of time. How long should you wait for him to come back, knowing when is the time to let go, etc etc etc. There is specific time period. You are the only person who has the answer to that question. I will say this, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!! I cannot stress this enough.
A few months later and Im at a very different place. Im at a new job I enjoy. Im back to exercising. I reconnected with friends. Physically, mentally, and spiritually, I am in a better, happier place. As far as dating goes, although I am not fully ready to jump into a relationship with another person just yet. I won't say no to a casual movie or dinner date, parts of moving forward with life. Starting a new seems scary, but in a sense felt liberating for me. A part of me still remains hopefully that maybe one day we might work out, he was my best friend, and I do miss that, but I am taking care of myself right and healing still. Live your life, life is short.
Ive become very familiar with ptsd, so if any of you ever needs advice or just a ear to listen, don't hesitate to contact me. xo
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