Sexual Assault Horrible Action i Did (WARNING NSFW VERY DISTURBING PERPETRATOR)

[throw-away-acc]

TRIGGER WARNING (perpetrator)









When i was 12-15, i raped my 4-7 year old girl family member that was laying next to me watching TV, by rubbing my genital to move her underwear and force my genital on her vagina (basically penetration, my genital was 30% in) many times... (for like 2-4 days and for 2-3 years afaik)
This memory popped out again and I'm a bit worried (well since when i confess i get relief), i want to move on, but i can't, i need help.

I also did alot other sexual stuff to my other cousins when i was 9-12 (one is 3 year old younger the other 4 year old younger), including penetrating their buttholes many times with my finger and index finger.

I knew everything at the time, gravity consequences etc... I was mature so no excuses at all...

I can forget all of this behind, but i don't know if i should, or not, i need basically a validation or something. (i've seen many bad posts about perpetrators by victims in reddit etc...)

Can i get to jail ? since 15 case can be moved to an adult, if i am an adult (i'm 22 now)

So what's your opinion guys ? (I need a harsh, factual, down to earth opinions if possible)

 

[parrotthepolly]

The real question is do you still want to do similar things now or in the future?

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

This memory popped out again and I'm a bit worried (well since when i confess i get relief), i want to move on, but i can't, i need help.

Are you still in contact with the family members?

I knew everything at the time, gravity consequences etc... I was mature so no excuses at all...

12-15 isn't mature. That's old enough to *think* you're mature, not much else.
You did some terrible things but I'm concerned about your environment/upbringing/experiences/other factors that led to this happening. Might be useful for you to think about and figure out why/how this happened. It's important.
Under normal circumstances 12-15yr olds don't rape/molest others. And this started when you were 9, also concerning.
This was happening for years and nobody did anything? Not screaming "normal" family environment to me, for you or your cousins.



I don't know what the laws would say, they vary by area.




You need some kind of closure to move on, and probably psychiatric support of some kind, too. I don't know anything about your situation but I'd figure there's a lot of very uncomfortable, difficult stuff to unpack. Preteens/Teens that age don't just wake up one day and decide to do all that.

There should have been responsible adults doing something to prevent/stop what was happening. If your younger cousins didn't tell, what prevented them? If they did and nothing happened, why?

They should never have ended up in those situations and been allowed to stay there, and you should never have ended up being sexual towards them, either.

 

[throw-away-acc]

The real question is do you still want to do similar things now or in the future?

in a way, kinda...

 

[parrotthepolly]

in a way, kinda...

That is a problem, maybe consider therapy?

If it happens again, it'll cause the victim lasting mental and/or physical harm.