• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship How Big a Breakthrough Are Breakthroughs?

I understand. There is the love and attraction for who they are, but also knowing that they've been victims before makes you feel even more protective. But like you, I was not prepared for the reality of what it was like trying to support a person with CPTSD. "Learning on the job" is such an apt description. And did I f*ck up? More than once. There were also times I let him get away with behaviour I shouldn't have tolerated because I thought "Oh he has a reason to act like this". Boundaries were not my strong suit.

People who can make it work? I applaud them, I look up to them. It is possible, but it takes a TON of work and determination and belief and self-work. Not everyone can do it, and that's perfectly normal. You tried your best with the amount of knowledge you had at that time, and even if you did have ALL the tools and resources to support someone with CPTSD, it still might be a challenge. Please don't beat yourself up if this didn't work out. I've done that so much to myself, and trust me it's not worth the self-doubt and the pain. Take is as a learning opportunity for the future.
Yes - I had exactly the same thing with boundaries.
And probably i didn‘t think quickly enough about those, because I’m not used to kinda… ‘being ready‘ for that kind of judgement call. I think it’s helped me to become a better partner to someone though, because it’s helped me to think through things that I might not have otherwise thought about.

Thank you - that’s really encouraging.
I definitely spent time feeling like a real idiot about it.
i could list literally tons of things I felt I’d got wrong, or ways that I’d fallen short.
i do feel more at peace now though.
I think it’s helped that we’ve managed to stay friends (a little bit).
I don’t know if we‘ll be able to maintain that or if it’ll be too hard after dating, but it’s been nice to try to leave the past in the past as best as we’re able - not everyone gets the chance to try that, I guess…
 
Never anything legitimate. That is the kind of stuff that people like to write and read to make themselves feel better. Legitimate sources would never say PTSD can be loved away. Look at the source that makes the claim.
Interesting!
I don’t think the kind of... ‘official’ info that I’ve seen really represents the reality, y’know…
 
Oh it's still up and down - always will be. But I've learned better coping skills so it's not as destructive when it happens, and my downs don't go as far into the deep.
That’s good to hear! Did it take a long time to get to that stage?
 
@Anon1

This >>> Traumatic resilience: avoiding ptsd

Once someone already HAS ptsd? The game has changed. It’s not about support, or resources, or other ways the brainsz relates trauma to a memory / the past… instead of overlaid onto the present. Re-LIVING, & re-EXPERIENCING. not remembered.

AVOIDING PTSD? Sure. There are a helluva lotta avenues for that. But once someone already has it? They’ve climbed onto the Rollercoaster. And love doesn’t make it a serene and lovely place. Even if one loves roller coasters.

That’s a helpful link!

Hmmm…do you think there’s enough support to help people to not get to that stage after a traumatic event?
 
That’s good to hear! Did it take a long time to get to that stage?
ya......I'm kind of afraid to answer this 😁

Once I committed to treatment it's been 10 years of working my ass off and desperately trying to avoid taking out my issues on those around me. I have many more good days than bad now - but the bad is still there.

My story is really complex, which is one of the reasons it's taking so long. Your guy may or may not be at that level so his could go faster - or not

But -- you have to know up front that it gets worse (really worse) before it gets better once therapy starts because it basically rips open your soul and makes you face your most horrific experiences. So ya, that part is fun. 🥺

I can't remember if you said --- but if your guy isn't in therapy he won't get better. Period. Full Stop.
and no - you can't make him go. He has to be willing to do the work to save himself.
 
Hmmm…do you think there’s enough support to help people to not get to that stage after a traumatic event?
That would mostly be a matter of luck… IE if someone has all of that set up before trauma -or- can organize it afterward.

But? A helluva lotta people DO either have it before, or could after, but don’t… simply because they don’t know any better. Instead, they treat capital T Trauma like normal life hardship, or lean into the avoidance facet that becomes a fullblown symptom later on.

So, in a roundabout way… YES. As people learn what supports traumatic resilience? The numbers drop STEEPLY in how many people are effected by trauma, and how profoundly.
 
ya......I'm kind of afraid to answer this 😁

Once I committed to treatment it's been 10 years of working my ass off and desperately trying to avoid taking out my issues on those around me. I have many more good days than bad now - but the bad is still there.

My story is really complex, which is one of the reasons it's taking so long. Your guy may or may not be at that level so his could go faster - or not

But -- you have to know up front that it gets worse (really worse) before it gets better once therapy starts because it basically rips open your soul and makes you face your most horrific experiences. So ya, that part is fun. 🥺

I can't remember if you said --- but if your guy isn't in therapy he won't get better. Period. Full Stop.
and no - you can't make him go. He has to be willing to do the work to save himself.

Weeeeell... I think working at everything for ten years is a badge of honour - it's kind of amazing to have that perseverance 😊

Aye, that's helpful.

Their trauma seems really severe to me... I haven't heard anything quite like it before.

I'm not sure how that impacts their recovery (I'm not some kind of expert), but, yeah...

At the moment, it seems right to love them from a distance, let life happen and see what unfolds in the future.

But even that is hard.

We started on the track of a really nice friendship, but they've started to self-isolate a bit.

I wonder if it's too hard for them right now, and if I just need to let it go so they can heal without me interrupting them.

That feels sad, but I have peace about it because I feel a sense that it might genuinely be best.

Still, I hope I'm wrong and that we can stay friends, and maybe as things continue to heal over time, it'll come around for us.

Even if they end up with someone else, I'd love to stay a little part of their life just so I can see how things keep improving for them. I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to see something lovely!

But I guess we'll see how that plays out :)
 
That would mostly be a matter of luck… IE if someone has all of that set up before trauma -or- can organize it afterward.

But? A helluva lotta people DO either have it before, or could after, but don’t… simply because they don’t know any better. Instead, they treat capital T Trauma like normal life hardship, or lean into the avoidance facet that becomes a fullblown symptom later on.

So, in a roundabout way… YES. As people learn what supports traumatic resilience? The numbers drop STEEPLY in how many people are effected by trauma, and how profoundly.

Yeah, that's interesting.

I sometimes wonder about the impact of a few things in my own life.

I don't think I have ptsd, but I had one or two hard things go on, and I often forget because it becomes my normal.

Then I can act in a strange little way sometimes and think "Huh... why did I do that? Oh yeah... my 'stuff'."

I know everyone has that to an extent... but yes, I can understand why people go for years without even knowing they have it, because you get used to what you get used to... and the people who know you won't always tell you (or even notice)
 
Back
Top