- Post starter
- #25
Yes - I had exactly the same thing with boundaries.I understand. There is the love and attraction for who they are, but also knowing that they've been victims before makes you feel even more protective. But like you, I was not prepared for the reality of what it was like trying to support a person with CPTSD. "Learning on the job" is such an apt description. And did I f*ck up? More than once. There were also times I let him get away with behaviour I shouldn't have tolerated because I thought "Oh he has a reason to act like this". Boundaries were not my strong suit.
People who can make it work? I applaud them, I look up to them. It is possible, but it takes a TON of work and determination and belief and self-work. Not everyone can do it, and that's perfectly normal. You tried your best with the amount of knowledge you had at that time, and even if you did have ALL the tools and resources to support someone with CPTSD, it still might be a challenge. Please don't beat yourself up if this didn't work out. I've done that so much to myself, and trust me it's not worth the self-doubt and the pain. Take is as a learning opportunity for the future.
And probably i didn‘t think quickly enough about those, because I’m not used to kinda… ‘being ready‘ for that kind of judgement call. I think it’s helped me to become a better partner to someone though, because it’s helped me to think through things that I might not have otherwise thought about.
Thank you - that’s really encouraging.
I definitely spent time feeling like a real idiot about it.
i could list literally tons of things I felt I’d got wrong, or ways that I’d fallen short.
i do feel more at peace now though.
I think it’s helped that we’ve managed to stay friends (a little bit).
I don’t know if we‘ll be able to maintain that or if it’ll be too hard after dating, but it’s been nice to try to leave the past in the past as best as we’re able - not everyone gets the chance to try that, I guess…