How Do I Explain To My Mother That I Just Can't Get Over My Ptsd?

[Deleted member 28403]

That tendency to fixate on a problem and then not let go of it. I have enough of ruminating myself, I do not need someone pushing me into it

 

[UnKnown-Self]

f*ck you Bitch.....Oh wait, that's what I would say to my mother

I guess it depends on the circumstances of your PTSD. Do you live under the same roof?
Has she ever gone to a session with you to have it explained or tried to educate herself in any way regarding PTSD? Did she have a role in the reason you have PTSD? The last one is a loaded question, turning a blind eye and feigning ignorance is just as abusive as the act.
At the very least I would no longer discuss it with her. You need support and if she is incapable of supporting you, she will make it worse.
I know you would love to have her on your side, support, comfort and defend you but wanting something from someone that they don't have to give hinders your progress and healing.
Good wishes to you hon

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@8888

I was on the train when I posted on your thread and didn't see the other replies which gave you very good advice :)

 

[Powder]

I never thought of it that way. I just wish we got along better, I'm a young adult still living under my p...

The invalidation creates the kind of "emotionally hostile" environment in which PTSD can form in the first place.

It is harder to become PTSD in a validating, safe, and supportive environment.

People have greater resilience to their traumas, with or without having PTSD or any Diagnosis, in a validating social support system.

Rather than change your mom (learn from Merida in "Brave" and don't bother!) begin to replace her with what you actually do need. Get your own needs met elsewhere. It is not a betrayal, it is for your survival & "thrival." Which benefits her indirectly.

What are your feelings when I say this?

I have been in a similar situation, not the same, but do sympathize greatly.

 

[Zef]

Lately, my mother has been saying things in reference to my PTSD such as "put it in the box, move on" and "...

One way is science. There is actually a brain process that enables humans to 'get over crap'. . .to move on, etc. PTSD severely damages that process. The hippocampus is very important to the 'get over crap' process in our brains. . .and there is enough research out there that indicates damage to the hippocampus is significant in PTSD sufferers. In other words, there is a very physical, not mental, reason why people with PTSD have great difficulty 'getting over crap'.

Hope this helps.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Zef...
WELL, AND PERFECTLY PUT!!!:tup::tup::tup: {{{{{STANDING OVATION}}}}}:tup::tup::tup:

 

[oasis2003]

Tell her to totally back off. You are dealing with it talking with your gp and therapist. Your healing has nothing what so ever with your mother. SO JUST TELL HER TO BACK OFF. If she loves and respects you with any degree she will stop.

 

[shimmerz]

In other words, there is a very physical, not mental, reason why people with PTSD have great difficulty 'getting over crap'.

It's been my experience that when family can't get 'over their crap', they insist we get over ours. Many times they were involved in our accumulating our crap. The gaslighters or those prone to playing a part in scapegoating. 'What????? Nothing wrong with OUR family! Now stop making us look BAD!'

Whatever.

I think some call it 'tough love' to make it more palpable. It's really just abuse.

 

[Ellabella44]

f*ck you Bitch.....Oh wait, that's what I would say to my mother

Hmm mothers day is coming up, do you have that in a card?

Not much I can add since everyone said it so well. She has no reason to be involved in your healing especially if she is one of the people involved in the events you have this from. Sorry you still live with her if she thinks "Just get over it" works.

 

[mary1979]

As a Mother who's child has suffered from depression and suicidal/self harm tendencies, I know your Mothers reaction is a reflection of her guilt.
The pain she is feeling is something she cant process (a mothers strongest instinct is to protect, failing at that is almost unbearable to live with) she's trying to push it down, your symptoms remind her and so she is lashing out.

Many times while my child was in her worst states I would think things like you describe.
'why cant she just get over it?'
'seriously, it wasn't THAT bad, I've seen worse'
'i can bury/forget it, why cant she?'
'oh she's just trying to hurt me'

All defensive measures.

Luckily my experiences showed me that saying those things will hurt her more and not help her, I'm guessing your mother has either never experienced trauma or MI or is a genius and burying her own, and probably thinks you can too.

Everyone else is right in saying its her problem not yours, I'm just sharing this perspective so you might be able to see her side and forgive her a little.

My mother has zero empathy, for me or anyone but herself and I don't remember a time she was any different.
She's been through a lot, her life has always been sad and tragic.
She failed miserably at mothering and life in general.

I've been able to move past my anger to a point of forgiveness by reminding myself that she did the best job she could with the tools she had. Its just a bummer she had a hammer when she needed a screw driver ;)
Try to go easy on her if you can, believe me she is hurting too.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@mary1979 said "The pain she is feeling is something she cant process (a mothers strongest instinct is to protect, failing at that is almost unbearable to live with) she's trying to push it down, your symptoms remind her and so she is lashing out. "

I apologize if this is going off topic, it might or might not be that is for @8888 to figure out. She might know either way or it may take many years for her to figure out.

I am a mother as well and I have certainly made my share of mistakes. While it might be "some" mothers strongest instinct to protect, some women give birth and never had, nor learned, nor cared one way or the other.
I have lots of guilt and I see my grown children struggle with issues that are the result of my poor coping skills. I own it and I let them know it. If they want to talk I listen, I apologize for my part and try to help them so they might not make the same mistakes with their children and so they have validation for what they went through. This does not ease my guilt, I don't do it for me, I do it for them. I do it for them because it is something I still crave from my parents and other toxic family members. Knowing at this point it would be too little, too late and quite frankly they simply don't have it in them.
Sometimes it is not about the pain a mother feels over failing in whatever. It's not about her at all. It's about her child's pain and what they need. Where her child is concerned a mother needs to look outside herself, see what it is her child needs, and do whatever she can for her child.
So many children young and old are screaming inside, "It's not about YOU mom, it's about ME"