Sitstillsmilesilent
New Here
I was always gaslit for everything I felt and the physical pain of my CNS attacking itself all day every day due to traumas being ignored and being told to just work harder to plough through mental health and keep a big smile on and tell a different story all the time.
Now I've finally escaped aggressive psychopaths and a severely manipulate family of narcissists but I've never had support before, I'm dealing with ptsd of years of family rape which was blamed on me and physically I'm debilitated, even tho I spend a lot of time on my diet and trying to get a healthy lifestyle, mindfulness and yoga etc.
But the flashbacks are all day, I literally for more than 5 minutes and I get massive bouts of anger and self destruction where I have no control, I rip out hair, slice myself, smash my head, break things, and I cant deal with things being wasted so it feels worse after.
I'the doctors in the past have just told me to exercise more, stop eating sugar, all I ever hear is you're depressed and anxious because you're living unhealthily, but I'm not at all, after facing so much condescension I cant bring myself to talk the doctors again, it feels they too just think I'm making it up, I cant take it anymore, just make me think I really should be dead, I dont think anyone is going to give me the support and it's too terrifying to try and get a diagnosis.
Psychologically, mentally, emotionally and physically screwed up ALL the time, but I just feel I'm still expected to use the pain to work myself into the ground like my parents taught me, but workplace 3nvironments really love ppl like me who have no boundaries, inability to say no, and easily guilt tripped into doing others' work for them, even missing breaks or staying later than being paid for.
Also, anyone with fibromyalgia sick of being treated like theres NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, the agony and uncomfortability is constant, life just feels unbearable and I feel like I can never rest
Now I've finally escaped aggressive psychopaths and a severely manipulate family of narcissists but I've never had support before, I'm dealing with ptsd of years of family rape which was blamed on me and physically I'm debilitated, even tho I spend a lot of time on my diet and trying to get a healthy lifestyle, mindfulness and yoga etc.
But the flashbacks are all day, I literally for more than 5 minutes and I get massive bouts of anger and self destruction where I have no control, I rip out hair, slice myself, smash my head, break things, and I cant deal with things being wasted so it feels worse after.
I'the doctors in the past have just told me to exercise more, stop eating sugar, all I ever hear is you're depressed and anxious because you're living unhealthily, but I'm not at all, after facing so much condescension I cant bring myself to talk the doctors again, it feels they too just think I'm making it up, I cant take it anymore, just make me think I really should be dead, I dont think anyone is going to give me the support and it's too terrifying to try and get a diagnosis.
Psychologically, mentally, emotionally and physically screwed up ALL the time, but I just feel I'm still expected to use the pain to work myself into the ground like my parents taught me, but workplace 3nvironments really love ppl like me who have no boundaries, inability to say no, and easily guilt tripped into doing others' work for them, even missing breaks or staying later than being paid for.
Also, anyone with fibromyalgia sick of being treated like theres NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, the agony and uncomfortability is constant, life just feels unbearable and I feel like I can never rest
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