Relationship How Do I Get Him Help

[VenusSky]

If he won't talk about it. I mention anxiety and he gets in a rage So where do I begin. My kids and I are tired and exhausted of walking in eggshells I just want it to be over. I wouldn't of got involved had I known this condition existed. I just feel helpless.

 

[myvetswife]

Hello VenusSky,

Well he has to _want_ help. He has to see himself that he's got problems. If he doesn't you can offer him as much help as you want and it will not work. Discovered that for nearly 15 years.

 

[VenusSky]

It's a difficult situation because although when he has negative reactions he blames it on his PTSD. Which isn't diagnosed he just says it. But I do believe he has it. He's hypervigilant too. But the thing is he don't want to lose security clearances with the govt and so he says he refuses to be labeled. I beg him to get at least anxiety meds but he says I'm not gona get him labeled and that he sees what I'm trying to do. He gets defensive. It's scary the way his eyes turn when he thinks I'm doing sonething to hurt him Obviously I'm not I'm just scared and exhausted.

 

[myvetswife]

I know that one. I left my husband cos I couldn't cope anymore. Then suddenly he realised, that he was having problems and started dealing with it

 

[VenusSky]

Thanks for talking to me. It's good to know I'm not alone anymore in this. I had no idea there was a place I could talk openly about my feelings toward this situation. I do tell him I will leave. It then the threats begin and well I'm mostly a stay at home mom I attend college and don't work so he knows I can't just leave. I wouldn't be able to pay for the car and he'd keep the house. He's said this many times cause my name isn't on it. And my relatives are of no help. He has always acted like a saint around them. They find it hard to believe when I told them he ran away Btw did I mention that? I did in another post. Not sure if I did here. The scariest part is him threatening to kill anyone who takes his child away from him. He said this while pressing two fingers into my head. This was when I told him about 4 months ago I wanted to divorce and wanted to leave. He is mostly verbally abusive. Then blames it on me. Says I make him a bad person. I'm on to him though I have a response to that. His brother told me he's always been difficult and to be careful with him. I found this out when he ran away abd I was looking for him. But when I mentioned that I know it's not my fault that I know he's always been mean he says his brother is just jealous of him. He finds this try's of just about anyone though. He thinks everyone is jealous of what he has. I don't see it. He is the jealous one tho.

Recently I've asked him not to bring up politics and religion because we end up in the worst fights ever. He don't like our president and bad mouths him in the worst racist ways it's emberrassing. And he is this way about a lot of people but yet I'm the evil one because I believe in science.
It's just with him im not allowed to have my own opinion about the way things were created or about who should be running this country.
Well I just hope I can get through two more years of college so I can get a job and have my own income to move out. We Rey and stay out of his way as much as we can but so many things trigger his rage.
I think I may need anxiety meds now too from feeling nervous al the time.

 

[VenusSky]

Sorry for so many typos I was using my phone to write this. Also I forgot about the txt policy. Btw= by the way.
Lower where it says Rey I meant try. Again sorry about that.

 

[myvetswife]

I take it you come from the USA? My opinion is that you need to get out there. It is not healthy for you or your child!! He is playing with you. You have to show him that he can not treat you like that!

As I live in Germany I don't know where you could find help. Sorry! But out here there are ways you get help from institutions and he would not get the house alone. Are you sure he has got PTSD? Can you get help of his brother maybe?

 

[VenusSky]

I honestly don't want help from his family. They still side with his exwife. And they live 1000 miles away. He was in the military for 10 yrs Like I said he wasn't formally diagnosed but he says he has it. And he acts the part. Although he does seem very chameleon like and seems to be able to act as if he is different things around different people. I will get out eventually I hope soon when I'm done with school. But for now I will just have to be more careful to keep him from going off. They have shelters here but I couldn't take my kids there. It would be a very bad place to be.

 

[BigBear]

I take it you come from the USA? My opinion is that you need to get out there. It is not healthy for you or your child!!

I have to strongly agree! He shows all the signs of a user (a person that uses people). With his obvious paranoia and hyper-vigilance, it feels very dangerous.

Don't make threats! Draw lines and give them consequences. Well thought out consequences. Document them as best you can so that you can prove that you were the sane one.

Bear

 

[Jet]

As a sufferer my advise is GET OUT NOW!! I know it feels damn near impossible but in my opinion he is abusing both you and your child. HE HAS THREATENED TO KILL YOU. PTSD or not his behavior has gone way beyond the acceptable.

If you feel that leaving right now is not possible then PLEASE talk to someone at a Domestic Violence shelter on how to put together a safety plan/exit strategy. Examples can also be found online if you want to go that rout.

Take care and know that you and your family are in my prayers,
Jackie

PS Don't forget to delete your browser history if your husband has access to your computer.

 

[VenusSky]

Thanks for your comments. I do delete everything before putting my phone down. I'm logging on from my phone. Thanks again I will keep y'all updated. So far today was calm. But it's now our weekend. He has 3 day weekends. I dread them. We can't just relax. We have to keep going going going with things or he cells I'm keeping him in "a prison" as he says it. I won't mention leaving anymore. From reading some posts I understand a little more what I say may trigger his behaviors. I better Ber used ro it's all about him until we are better prepared to get out. Thanks again

 

[Eleanor]

Children can switch schools. Credits in college can be transferred. Cars have to go several months without payments to be repossessed. You are married - even if your name is not on the car, it is yours until proven otherwise in court. Talk to the domestic violence people. They can help you make a plan and get out safely. Document the threats. Also, you have a few major cards here - if he is still working with the military/gov't or has security clearances, your threat to "tell" is a significant one. It is a card you want to hold until you need it, but know it is an important one - he threatens you - you threaten his clearance. Making threats to kill someone is a felony. Felons don't get clearances. Anything happens to you - he is suspect number one on any cop's list. I would talk to the local domestic violence unit at the Police department. Keeping you in my prayers...