How Do I Turn The Panic Off Once It's Started?

[FUBAR1]

I've been doing SO well the past month with not falling into fullblown panic but now I'm right back in it, and from a really simple trigger - I stayed up 24 hrs the other day. Of course I had other small triggers piling up over the past two weeks but that's the one the tipped the f*cking structure. My brain/body does not handle 24-36 hr shifts well anymore, not because of physical incapacity but because my body just seems to automatically assume that if im staying up that long then i must be in combat theatre. It wasn't like I had to stay up, it wasn't a work shift, it was just that I had an insomnia night and then had too much to do the next day to go to bed. I thought I could handle it this time, thought that if any panic/triggers arose that I could just talk myself down like I've been doing... but no, my body is in full on f*cking alert. So much so that of course I can't sleep, which is just turning this into a vicious spiral.
It just seems like the adrenaline level that goes off seems to operate completely independent of rational thought and no matter how much I can try to talk myself down mentally, the adrenaline won't calm. Which just gets me pissed and depressed since I'd forgotten how truly bad constant panic feels since I haven't experienced it for a month and a half or so. You'd think I would get better and better at dealing with the panic but it seems in this past year of nearly constant panic I've become less and less capable of mentally, emotionally, or physically coping with it and I can't rebound from it as quickly. And every time I experience a few weeks of calm, then when the panic comes back I just deal with it less well.
I used to be able to talk myself down, mind over matter, all that, but I feel so drained now and devoid of a lot of the determination and grit i used to have in my earlier years of facing this shit. im just worn down.
anyway i'll wrap this up before i end up ranting for paragraphs... i just want to know if there's a physical way to stop the adrenaline cycle when mental techniques fail. or something. i dont know, i just want to know how to make this stop because i dont want to be on another panic bender for weeks or months on end after doing so well recently. i just want to be able to go back to work and resume my f*cking life. i already had my medical leave extended once; now im going to be off work a total of 3 months and i'll be damned if i have to extend it longer.

 

[Ted Moen]

It's kind of a backward form of logic, but the trick is to accept the mood and go with it. If you are in a state of panic, get yourself someplace safe and comfortable and just let the thoughts and feelings do their thing until they pass. You will probably fall asleep at some point, and sleep's good. If not you will eventuually feel bored and the thoughts and feelings will be gone and you'll go back to whatever you were doing or go find something else to do in your current situation. The thing is, if you just relax and go with the mood and let the thoughts and feelings work their way through in a safe and comfortable place, you will gradually undermine that fear you are going to lose control and do something really stupid and the panic stuff will pretty much go away.

There is a catch. In order to manage the intrusive thoughts and feelings you have to manage your environment. You have to be able to remove yourself to a safe and comfortable place when the intrusive thoughts and feelings come, stay until they pass, then return to whatever your were doing. If you are still surviving in a hostile environment, or are in an environment which can not support your theraputic needs, then you need to remove yourself from that environment. You need to have the ability to remove yourself to a safe and comfortable place to process the intrusive thoughts and feelings when they come, however long that takes.

It took several years of thinking I could make it work in my work environment and considerable urging from therapists before I made the decision to leave the workplace. For me, the workplace triggered the intrusive thoughts and feelings beyond my ability to both manage them and be a productive participant in the workplace.

Ted