How Do You Observe Feelings Without Judgement?

[Thinkingman85]

I think it's only normal to question yourself. From my experience, it seems that people like you and me hold morality in a high regard. We tend to focus on acting morally. I think it varies with each person. I think it can be a mix of nature and nurture. For example, a sociopath can act immoral because of how his brain works. He lacks empathy or concern for others' well being. I think this biological phenomenon exists with all people. There are variants of how much others care for one another. Some are more selfish than others. Religion, logic, and philosophy help people understand what can be considered moral. This is what I consider the nurture aspect. An example could be a ruthless criminal being a born again Christian.

I think in my case, I realize when wrong is being done to me, but I try to stick to morality. Other people would behave differently because it feels natural or they don't value morality as much. I realize that I am a nice person. I have been a nice person all of my life. However, my virtue may have become my vice when life got harder. I think that you have to accept that morality is on a spectrum. Also, realizing that you can be a good person with the awareness of this spectrum is key.

I think certain people disregard others because they feel like God is on their side. So, it's a "valid" excuse to be selfish.

 

[saffy]

We tend to focus on acting morally

I like to think I have morals and live with good virtues and I also like to do what is right. I walk a path towards mindfulness and awakening.

Many people have different value systems and are ignorant to many virtues. Their actions reflect their thought processes. People can change and learn, others may have mental illnesses that make it harder for them to integrate properly into society, but even they can be taught boundaries and the principles of equal respect.

If someone does something I disagree with I know I am doing the right thing by disagreeing, according to my values. That is all I can do. IF they disagree with my values and principles, I can still ask them to think about their actions and how it portrays them. I can show them that but I cannot force them into anything, same as they have no right to force me into anything.

I can also show my displeasure by walking away and dissolving the 'friendship'. I do not like people like that to be around me. My choice.

I also find that instead of trying to work the other person out or being naive about them I only try to work myself out, how do I feel about this, what can I do etc.

I am not so naive and open to abuse if I recognise their qualities and morals differ from mine, so at some point we are going to disagree and clash. I know now not to trust so freely until I do recognise this. It helps.

If I look after my needs I will encourage others to look after them too rather than allowing someone to abuse my good nature. Looking after my needs has now given me a line to stop crossing. If they cross the line, I can act on it quicker before it goes to far. And I can simply move on.

However, I am still no angel but I cause no harm to others in any other way. I also do not let them harm me in any way. My thoughts are free of things out of my control or what is not important to me.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[JustBe]

I want to feel like I have all of the good parts of myself back

Somewhere along the line, I developed a feeling of not feeling normal. I don't know how to get it back. I hope that one day, I can look at a picture with a happy family and not have this odd alienated feeling.

Wow Thinkingman, that's ME! I get what you are saying. I'm always feeling on the outside, looking in at life and even at myself.

 

[safenow]

I
If I look after my needs I will encourage others to look after them too rather than allowing someone to abuse my good nature. Looking after my needs has now given me a line to stop crossing. If they cross the line, I can act on it quicker before it goes to far. And I can simply move on.:)

I love all that you said in your post, saffy. You are a good example to me. I learned a lot by what you said. It reminded me of my feelings when I'm strong. Which means I am heading that way again. Thank you.

safenow

 

[Tanishq]

I think I can perceived feelings without judging. It is due to being highly sensitive empathic person. There are many changes within me.

Gizmo, if you are talking with someone who trusts and you trust them deeply. Such things happen effortlessly. I chat with few people I deeply trust and we do understand each other feelings. If someone is telling how you are feel as they perceived and you let them know it is true or not. Then this will enrich your connection with them and it will boost up their confidence.

It is very rare thing and hard to do. Judgement will come in connection, but if you go with honesty and clear communication. I can assure, you will begin to perceive without making a single judgement about them. This is doable. When this happens, so much fun and so many new things come in connection. it will give you pure joy of connection in other words.

 

[Thinkingman85]

Saffy, I am on the same page as you.

Being moral has been a very important part of my life ever since I made mistakes six years ago. I was trying to deal with all of my trauma as well as find myself and my behavior was out of the ordinary.

After that happened, I developed a strict way of conducting myself. I don't want to lose it again. However, I feel like my good nature can deem me as a weaker person. I told my therapist that I have a Gandhi or Jesus Christ nature and it actually may be a vice. My therapist told me that relationships work if there is a balanced level of care and selfishness. I may care too much which may alienate people.

After the PTSD developed, I became a nicer person, but I think a lot of it has to do with playing it safe. I stepped outside of my moral boundary six years ago and I don't want to do that again.

However, I don't want to restrict myself to where I'm not using my full potential. Some examples of things that I have to refamiliarize myself with is assertiveness and vulnerability. My moral conduct causes me to struggle to have relationships, but I will not give it up.

 

[saffy]

However, I feel like my good nature can deem me as a weaker person.

I felt like that too. still do sometimes. But I also realised that I would only be weak if I allowed those who were lacking in morals to affect me. My weakness was that I had no idea of how to see to my own needs.

Being moral has been a very important part of my life ever since I made mistakes six years ago

Are you sure your mistakes were yours? if you were dupped or abused by someone the mistake is theirs. The sufferer always blames himself. That is natural, I have done it also. What I blamed myself for though was actually nothing to do with me. It was the way they were.

Learning now (and for you again) that actually I it is not due to my good nature or morals this happened it was due to their thought processes. If I do not understand them then I cannot always be expected to recognise them either. It is sometimes alien. I cannot beleive someone could actually treat another person like that! I never would.

So now in my present shape I can accept people based on my own needs instead of assuming they will look after them.

I feel that in your circumstances, you had that and felt a sense of security. When your parents were not there your security system has gone also, it sometimes gets you into trouble and you are left with wondering what that feeling was again. You were a lot more innocent to others attitudes maybe before. now that it has happened everything is going to be highlighted and you will start to recognise that a lot more people behave like this also. It is self protection. You become more aware and now believe that it can actually happen to you.

For me I always thought everyone was fine and it was me. I should have not trusted others after all. It was not me after all. It is not a blame game but one of knowing what to do next.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

You're right. I started to lose control because of certain people in my life.

To this day, after six years, I am still working on figuring out what my older brother's intentions were. People can be scandalous and it's sad that it happens in life. However, I think we are strong enough to keep our own autonomy if we focus on what we want.

The thing that can be hard to recognize is that everybody has different ways of fulfilling their goals. As long as the person sticks to his or her best devices, it should work out. However, sometimes people can come along and attack. That doesn't mean we can't regain our composure.

 

[saffy]

working on figuring out

I wouldn't even try to figure it out. The answers to why he acted like this are beyond your thinking. You will never understand it even if you do figure it out. Unfortunatley. We just do not think like this.

That doesn't mean we can't regain our composure.

you are right. We have to focus on what we think and act accordingly to that. We will always rise above those who take and abuse because we are stronger that we realise. They have tried to knock it out and take this away but because it is a part of who we are they never will in the end.
Saffy :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

I may not figure it out.

Hopefully, I get to the point where I don't care anymore and I'm just focused on succeeding. What I am aware of is that a part of me has been weakened by depression. Every day, the medication continues to boost my mood and motivation.

I feel like if I stay on this track, I will be stronger than I was before. Sometimes I wonder if my personality is the type that is prone to developing depression. I may have to be on medication for a long time... possibly indefinitely. It seems like the medication is stopping me from feeding into my depression.

I am concerned that when I get back out in the world and I get tested, I will fall into a depression again. This medication seems like a good safety net. I want to make sure that I can continue to feel happy. Because of the depression, being confident in my identity has been a challenge for six years. I am looking forward to the day where I am confident and satisfied with my identity again.

 

[saffy]

you are on the right path :)

No matter what obstacles are thrown in our paths we must know inside we are doing right. Depression can tell us other things and make things harder than we would ever wish for.

We learn and grow. :)

Saffy :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

I wouldn't even try to figure it out. The answers to why he acted like this are beyond your thinking. You will never understand it even if you do figure it out. Unfortunatley. We just do not think like this.

This is hard to come to terms with because I have the feeling that in order for me to move on from the pain, I have to figure out what was done to me.