How Do You Respond To The The 'why' Question?

[Abstract]

Flyaway, I think your reaction is perfectly natural and normal considering what you are dealing with. If someone asked me I would probably crumble too.

I think another good answer for a physio would be, "is it relevant to my treatment" "it is a personal matter and one I prefer not to discuss".

If you struggle with being assertive then what about, "Thank you for asking... its too painful to discuss".

I wish I felt all questions are Ok but I don't. I think they can be and this is a boundary violation. I have not told a single person about the PTSD but I have recently been considering it and this is one of the things that is now stopping me. I doubt someone without PTSD would be able to understand the difficulties involved with a question like that when they don't experience reliving or traumatic avoidance.

"You go first

Miss antisunshine you made me laugh my head off. Thank you. I love yours. Many of those shared on here have been great.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Something I've said a couple of times is "You go first. What's the darkest, most disturbing and devastating experience you've had?" But that's if I know them enough to know they'll realize I'm telling them off.

My anti-social sarcastic side loves that response.

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who panics when asked the question. Most people want to know what's wrong with my arm (which is natural) My anger wants to respond with the truth because I'm embarrassed, but I normally just respond with "accident at birth"

 

[Only 1 of me]

I have been feeling the same about this, just no words. this weeks been a break through as I've typed somethings up. Feel such intensity of shame I cant bring myself yet to share it with my T. What if he asks questions? <panic>

Honestly, I have to type up the worst events and send them to my therapist--I just have no voice when it comes to talking about it.

 

[Britt.f7]

I truly do not tell anyone about it. Not if I can help it, but it was on your medical records for the reason. That would have raised my curiosity, not that I would have asked you. But I could see why she might. I think you answered just fine. Your flustered behavior might have shown her that that might not have been a question to ask. People are curious. Sometimes they learn not to ask a question again by asking it the first time.

For me, I do not like to talk about it because I do not want to be judged. So, if a person wanted to talk about it, it would depend on whom it was and where I was at on the inside. That would make the difference in how I answered.

 

[eav]

@Only 1 of me I do the same thing! I have so many things I can't anyone, not even tell my therapist, so I email her. Funny how I can type it out but can't get the words out. My therapist says that she doesn't care if I have to use carrier pigeon, as long as I can communicate to her.

One reason I haven't told people before about the PTSD is because I am afraid they will ask what happened, and they do. I wonder if there is a set of guidelines for talking to people with PTSD that we could publish? It would be good to have available for well-meaning but clueless friends and professionals that should know better!

 

[rainydaze]

When I am asked this question inappropriately, my reaction is to shock the individual a bit and make them think twice about asking such an intrusive question again. In one short sentence, I use the most extreme nouns and the most horrific adjectives to succinctly and accurately state what happened to me. I don't beat around the bush, or use euphemisms. I make it completely clear how awful it was. Then I shut up, and look at them to acknowledge it is again their turn to talk. In general, it takes them a second to get their words together, but they don't probe me any further.... usually they apologize in one way or another and then change the subject.

This works for me, because I'm a naturally blunt person. For others it may not be something they care for or could even do. Anyway, sending the love your way!

 

[Candleflames]

This is a scenario I have wondered about but haven't encountered yet so I'm loving all the input people are providing here. I had devised a couple of possible responses before now that are quite similar to what you did say, just in case it did happen. Of course what I practice in my head and what I actually say could be two very different things. I'm actually looking forward to what might come out of my mouth. The brain to mouth filter tend to be a little faulty.

I think you handled yourself quite nicely.