How do you summon the courage?

[Emrlia]

I hope you could share how did you overcome these kind of feelings.

I don't have the courage to step out for a walk because I'm fearful of pedestrians looking at me or staring at me or irritating me. I did once got harassed in my community and the authority did not help and made me feel worse.

I don't have the courage to join some helpful online meetings with people with similar diagnosis or struggles because I currently don't have energy to do my hair and change from my lounge wear to a shirt and so. I am fearful of the unknown. I don't know what kind of person will I meet. I'm afraid I will be more nervous and suffer more than what I suffer now.

I want to build some connections. Are there any practices or goal setting techniques you find helpful?

 

[Friday]

I have a rule in my own life that I HAVE TO do everything I’m afraid of… eventually.

The current “list”? Is probably something like 40 or 50 items long.

The rule means that I do a whole helluva lotta improvisation & experimentation. Working out exactly where & how I run into problems, & trying different ways to address the issue; very firstly with looking at what I WANT from the thing I’m skeered of, and then trying other ways to meet those need/wants, in the interim.


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For example?
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Dealing with the trigger/stressor of crowds… there were 2 issues, there.

(I figure, since it’s a coin toss on whether I’m simply afraid of something, or whether there’s a trauma component? I might as well example one of the ones that is both! )

The first/biggest/baddest issue being that crowds were either a trigger or stressor (depending on the factors involved), so it was deeply tied up in trauma-schtuff, either way. Due to the Avoidance component of PTSD (trigger/stressor)? That meant that not only would courage alone NOT matter; but simply diving headlong into crowds would net me the same result (being triggered) over & over & over, without doing a gosh durn thing about eliminating the stressor/trigger, and even making them stronger & more reactionary. So I would need to address that. >.<

Secondly, was WHY I wanted to be in the stupid crowd in the first place. Which had several answers. When I was living in a city, it meant most basically being able to go outside / go for a walk / not be cooped up indoors all the time… in addition to… task based reasons; like going to the market, the pharmacia, the bakery, the train station, across the street, etc… in addition to… lifestyle stuff, like going to work, going to play, going “out” (with friends or by myself), etc., etc., etc.. <<< The huge & varied list of reasons WHY I needed/wanted to be able to master crowds meant it was at the tippy top of both my triggers/stressors to work on eliminating as well as my “if I’m afraid of it, I have to do it” list. (2 different lists. Maybe 50% crossover). As the more something is impacting my life? The higher up it rises, as a priority.

How I dealt with the trigger/stressor aspect of crowds I’ve written about here >>> Bubblize-ing (a Definition)

How I dealt with trying other ways to meet those needs & wants were other kinds of things… like ordering in takeout, going up to the roof, using my car to get from my building to far enough away that crowds weren’t an issue, inviting people over to mine instead of meeting up elsewhere, making life better with chemistry, etc.. All things that were perfectly fine components OF my life, but not intending on them to be permenant solutions. (Having a play-gym IN my homes, is an example of a perm solution, so that I can always play & exercise, in my own home). <<< I would lean really hard into dozens of temporary solutions, whilst sorting out my issues, and then be using them less and less, over time. I’d still use my car directly from my building, or drive out of the city to the countryside, or have people over to mine, or go up to the roof, etc. for example; but I didn’t HAVE to.

I want to build some connections. Are there any practices or goal setting techniques you find helpful?

I would start where the connections / interactions are SUPER limited & predefined… like volunteering, or taking private lessons of some kind, or a ______ group (hiking group, book club, etc.). Either 1:1, or small groups of people; sharing the same interests, getting together for a specific purpose. NEITHER speaks to personality clicking… but BOTH are purposeful social interactions for limited time periods, in simplified settings.

Go to just BE AROUND people, to begin with. Get comfortable with that. (If you LUCK OUT and meet an interesting pwrson, you’d like to get to know better? That’s just that, luck. Not the purpose or intent. Not actively looking for friends & connection, at this stage, “just” becoming comfortable being yourself around others.
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A whole lotta steps in the interim later??? Be actively seeking specific types of people/connection, across ALL your casual/social/professional circles, nothing limited or predefined, to bring into your life.

Now you durn well may already be somewhere in that interim… as the fears, feelings, & cognitive distortions/core beliefs, or triggers/stressors can happen at ANY point along the continuum. If so? Where are you & where are you getting stuck?

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Here is what is working for me. I have been taking more care in my clothing, throwing out worn stuff and purchasing good quality when I replace. I am getting my hair cut more regularly. I go out of my way being more social. I am more of an introvert so this isn’t easy but I started by just having conversations with the cashier at the grocery store. I do this with others too. I try to get them to talk about themselves and their interests. I maintain eye contact. I am getting better at this.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I usually carry two legal weapons and I know how to throw a punch etc. I identify as fight mode PTSD. I’m able to walk miles, solo. If I see a creep I get focused. I either do nothing, make tracks or glare at the MOFO to intimidate.

 

[Rose White]

Small goals, small steps, accountable to someone like T, allow mistakes (necessary for learning) and forgive yourself when you get angry/afraid/sad. Then keep going.

 

[Emrlia]

I have a rule in my own life that I HAVE TO do everything I’m afraid of… eventually.

The current “list”? Is probably something like 40 or 50 items long.

The rule means that I do a whole helluva lotta improvisation & experimentation. Working out exactly where & how I run into problems, & trying different ways to address the issue; very firstly with looking at what I WANT from the thing I’m skeered of, and then trying other ways to meet those need/wants, in the interim.


*** *** *** *** ***
For example?
*** *** *** *** ***

Dealing with the trigger/stressor of crowds… there were 2 issues, there.

(I figure, since it’s a coin toss on whether I’m simply afraid of something, or whether there’s a trauma component? I might as well example one of the ones that is both! )

The first/biggest/baddest issue being that crowds were either a trigger or stressor (depending on the factors involved), so it was deeply tied up in trauma-schtuff, either way. Due to the Avoidance component of PTSD (trigger/stressor)? That meant that not only would courage alone NOT matter; but simply diving headlong into crowds would net me the same result (being triggered) over & over & over, without doing a gosh durn thing about eliminating the stressor/trigger, and even making them stronger & more reactionary. So I would need to address that. >.<

Secondly, was WHY I wanted to be in the stupid crowd in the first place. Which had several answers. When I was living in a city, it meant most basically being able to go outside / go for a walk / not be cooped up indoors all the time… in addition to… task based reasons; like going to the market, the pharmacia, the bakery, the train station, across the street, etc… in addition to… lifestyle stuff, like going to work, going to play, going “out” (with friends or by myself), etc., etc., etc.. <<< The huge & varied list of reasons WHY I needed/wanted to be able to master crowds meant it was at the tippy top of both my triggers/stressors to work on eliminating as well as my “if I’m afraid of it, I have to do it” list. (2 different lists. Maybe 50% crossover). As the more something is impacting my life? The higher up it rises, as a priority.

How I dealt with the trigger/stressor aspect of crowds I’ve written about here >>> Bubblize-ing (a Definition)

How I dealt with trying other ways to meet those needs & wants were other kinds of things… like ordering in takeout, going up to the roof, using my car to get from my building to far enough away that crowds weren’t an issue, inviting people over to mine instead of meeting up elsewhere, making life better with chemistry, etc.. All things that were perfectly fine components OF my life, but not intending on them to be permenant solutions. (Having a play-gym IN my homes, is an example of a perm solution, so that I can always play & exercise, in my own home). <<< I would lean really hard into dozens of temporary solutions, whilst sorting out my issues, and then be using them less and less, over time. I’d still use my car directly from my building, or drive out of the city to the countryside, or have people over to mine, or go up to the roof, etc. for example; but I didn’t HAVE to.




I would start where the connections / interactions are SUPER limited & predefined… like volunteering, or taking private lessons of some kind, or a ______ group (hiking group, book club, etc.). Either 1:1, or small groups of people; sharing the same interests, getting together for a specific purpose. NEITHER speaks to personality clicking… but BOTH are purposeful social interactions for limited time periods, in simplified settings.

Go to just BE AROUND people, to begin with. Get comfortable with that. (If you LUCK OUT and meet an interesting pwrson, you’d like to get to know better? That’s just that, luck. Not the purpose or intent. Not actively looking for friends & connection, at this stage, “just” becoming comfortable being yourself around others.
.
.
.
.
.
A whole lotta steps in the interim later??? Be actively seeking specific types of people/connection, across ALL your casual/social/professional circles, nothing limited or predefined, to bring into your life.

Now you durn well may already be somewhere in that interim… as the fears, feelings, & cognitive distortions/core beliefs, or triggers/stressors can happen at ANY point along the continuum. If so? Where are you & where are you getting stuck?

Thanks for sharing! I like that you shared to feel comfortable around people gradually. Feel comfortable allowing myself being around people.