With triggers, a sinking feeling followed by a blank. Or the reverse. I stay petrified or try to sneak out, but rarely to run. Depending of the nature of the triggers, continues and I see no direct option out, rage blasts, or I further cut out if I think it’s too late to fight. Feeling like burning, headachy, hearth beating nonsensitically, nothing else exists but that small focus of point. And I rotate inside of that small focus until it bleeds.
Blanks happen when I have to do something in a situation and no one else’s available. (like save someone who’s about to die) Then I just do what I have to, fast and steady and then cut.
Blastings happen when a threat is directed at me and I see no escape. I contract to the point of pain.
Diffuse stress causes freeze, headache, drifting away, apparition of more flashbacks.
I prefer the blank version of the response than the active one.
In both cases when I come back I feel exhausted, trembling, remembering things that were out of the very small point of focus is difficult and the order of things mostly is affected. Some very precise details can remain though.
Feels like the reduction of the world. Mind goes okay thinking of different things and then in a woosh it centralizes in that very small spot that cannot deal without anything that isn’t an immediate threat. If there isn’t any immediate threat available like in diffuse stress, it will create one.
Future and past don’t really exist, both are closed doors in yourself locked inside of your body and the immediate inescapable present. Disorganized memories of things jump on my face together with visions of the worst presentation of future doom. Alternative presents or futures have somehow as much power as reality. I can tell them apart but the emotional response is identical.
When I try to snap out I have to call myself internally and say I have to come back and one I emerge it really feels like I almost drowned or got physically hit.
